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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not in the wrong

35 replies

cavendish4 · 28/09/2019 23:14

DP's sister is 8 months pregnant and had her baby shower today. Quite honestly I don't understand them and didn't want to attend. It was a 4 hour train journey each way due to the sides of London we are in and my side had rail replacement.

I said to SIL a while ago that I may not be able to attend and I don't have a car as I work in central London (thus commute). She basically insisted DP drove me and came to which he accepted.

Now the shower has occurred and DP is angry at me and not talking to me because of it. I had said I was happy not to to, he chose to drive me (2 hours and accommodation paid for by MIL) so we could go. We never see SIL so this was the first time we saw her pregnant. He thinks I should have figured out the driving thing myself (haven't driven in 7 years) and he said he will let me know of the next weekend he ever wants to spend with me.

I find it all unnecessarily mean. AIBU?

OP posts:
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 28/09/2019 23:15

You have a DP problem

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 28/09/2019 23:15

I'd be letting him know you're not free,any weekend.

CrystalShark · 28/09/2019 23:16

I’m confused Confused

So you both went to the shower, all was fine, he agreed happily to drive you both, and then somehow when it was over he suddenly got angry at you for the fact that you wouldn’t have gone if it weren’t for him providing transportation? Or angry at you because you wouldn’t drive? Or angry because you wouldn’t use public transport?

How did the argument come about? Think you need to be clearer tbh!

NearlyGranny · 28/09/2019 23:20

This is his sister and his mother calling the shots and he's angry with you?! Could it be deflected anger at the two women he's scared to say no to?

Most unpleasant and unreasonable.

MQv2 · 28/09/2019 23:20

He seems like a cunt

PurpleDaisies · 28/09/2019 23:21

I bet there’s more back story here. On the face of it, it seems very petty on his part.

Is there a reason you don’t drive now? Is he generally resentful about doing all the driving?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 28/09/2019 23:21

Your DP sounds like a twat. His sister insists you both do this ridiculous journey to celebrate her getting up-duffed and it's you he's angry with?? They both sound awful.

Original poster
cavendish4 · 28/09/2019 23:22

He's angry he had to go to begin with. I'd understand if it was a friend but it's HIS family.

I wouldn't or couldn't have gone if he didn't drive (I pay half towards his car as he is always designated driver) and he felt obliged to take me. I didn't ask him to though, his own family did

OP posts:
donethinkin · 28/09/2019 23:24

I don’t understand why he’s angry. You should have just said you’re not going. Personally I’d see this as a blessing in disguise. He’s mean. Nasty. Very very odd. Don’t put up with it. Time to clear him out. Just don’t respond. Don’t message him at all. If he messages saying do you want to do something at the weekend just say “not really free this weekend. I’ll let you know the next time I’m free” then don’t.

C0untDucku1a · 28/09/2019 23:25

Yes time to dump him. What a cock.

donethinkin · 28/09/2019 23:25

Oh and stop paying for his car!

saltysally · 28/09/2019 23:25

4 hours each way and it's only to the other side of London?

Original poster
cavendish4 · 28/09/2019 23:25

@PurpleDaisies no further back story.
Basically when I passed my test at 17/18 I come from a poor family (poverty) so I managed to pay for a test but couldn't afford car or insurance.

He is from wealth so always had a car.

Now, my first job was in London so obviously don't drive and commute via many trains daily. So never had to have a car.

I am getting insured on a cheap old banger to learn again now but still couldn't have done the journey today after 7 years no driving.

He won't insure me on his car and he uses it every day for work.

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 28/09/2019 23:26

I believe that the hills are 👈 way.

He’ll let you know if he ever wants to spend a weekend with you again?! After you’ve put yourself out doing something for his family that you didn’t want to even do? Tell him to fuck right off.

Original poster
cavendish4 · 28/09/2019 23:26

Forgot to add we have a house together so the weekend thing makes no sense!

OP posts:
saltysally · 28/09/2019 23:26

If that's true why couldn't your dh have driven you just part of the way?

Original poster
cavendish4 · 28/09/2019 23:29

We live in one home county, SIL lives in the rural countryside of another home county, if go into London (only bus service so 1.5 hours) underground to her side (30 mins) then 50 min train to her closest station, then a taxi to their house. They're 20 mins from station!

OP posts:
PanamaPattie · 28/09/2019 23:30

So he won't insure you on the car, he's wealthy but you still stay pay half? Stop being a mug.

PurpleDaisies · 28/09/2019 23:33

Why on earth are you paying half for a car you aren’t able to drive!?

Babybel90 · 28/09/2019 23:35

So his sister demands go go to her gift grab baby shower, he takes you and at the same time sees his own family and has his accommodation paid for and he’s annoyed with you? What did you get out of this arrangement?

Original poster
cavendish4 · 28/09/2019 23:36

I pay half (not his daily petrol) as he drives us everywhere... holidays, my parents, restaurants. It's not much and I didn't pay the original cost of the car so I think this is fair

OP posts:
thecatinthetwat · 28/09/2019 23:38

Op he sounds awful.

Imagine if he was invited to a stag party by your brother, he couldn't get there, but your family insisted he must go and you should drive him there.

Who would you be pissed off with - him? for dutifully attending your brothers event?

Would you then, after then event, tell him you won't be spending any weekends with him in the near future?

No, you wouldn't obviously. Because that would be ridiculous.

Cryalot2 · 28/09/2019 23:40

I agree with MQv2 on his .

Cryalot2 · 28/09/2019 23:40

This even

Singlenotsingle · 28/09/2019 23:42

Firstly he's using you - paying half his car expenses isn't on. I hope he pays half the house expenses. Secondly, there's something else going on here. If he's angry with anyone, it should be his dsis. You haven't done anything wrong.

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