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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Right man, wrong time.

48 replies

mosaicmug · 28/09/2019 16:30

What happened? Did it ever work out?

OP posts:
HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 28/09/2019 16:32

No it didn’t.

Original poster
mosaicmug · 28/09/2019 16:46

Anyone else? I wonder if
It’s possible when You both agree that’s its bad timing for genuine reasons

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 28/09/2019 16:49

Met the right, man but was wrong time as we were both getting out of tough relationships. I fancied the pants off of him but needed to get my sh1t together - as did he.

1 year later it was the right time and we have been together 17 years.

Depends what the wrong time reason is. E.g. If he's married, it's unlikely to ever be a good time! But if he moves to the US and then comes back - there could be a future right time

Good luck!

ShippingNews · 28/09/2019 16:51

For me it did. First met him - I was too young, he was older and halfway through a divorce. It just wasn't good timing, even though we were mad about each other. Split up and went our separate ways. 20 years later he tracked me down through my sister, got my email address. We wrote to each other for 9 months then met . Haven't been apart since that day . We've been together for 15 years, married for 10. So yes it can work out "if it's meant to be".

TheMustressMhor · 28/09/2019 16:53

Yes, it worked out. Everyone said it was the wrong time and that we should split up, but a marriage and four DC later proved them wrong.

Original poster
mosaicmug · 28/09/2019 16:54

Lovely stories . Do you believe in ‘ meant to be’?
We cant be together as I am in the middle of a split and have young children who need me round the clock especially for support at this time.

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 28/09/2019 16:55

I'm going to love reading all the good news stories that worked out Smile

Hi @TheMustressMhor - and congrats!

FactorFifty · 28/09/2019 16:55

Yes, it worked out.

Wrong time for us both at the start but we worked through it and we're still together (now happily married) 12 years later.

NameChange84 · 28/09/2019 16:56

He's getting married to someone else in a few hours.

If I'd met him 6 weeks earlier than I did I'm 98% confident that him and I would be married with children by now. The other girl sunk her teeth in and wouldn't let go. She won. I definitely think he loved me more.

Original poster
mosaicmug · 28/09/2019 16:59

Oh gosh @NameChange84. That’s awful , I’m sorry

OP posts:
SimonJT · 28/09/2019 17:06

It didn’t work for us.

We had been friends for about seven years when we got together, we had to break up due to an unusual change in my personal life which didn’t work with his career. He would have given his career up, I felt too guilty to allow that to happen as his career was just taking off.

We’re still best friends, when we are both single we end up as FWBs. I don’t think I’ll love anyone as much as I loved him when we were together.

I really love my boyfriend, he isn’t second best, and my ex and I hadn’t split up I wouldn’t have met someone who really is amazing.

SilverChime · 28/09/2019 17:11

I don’t think there is such a thing as right man wrong time. If he’s the right man I’d move heaven and earth to be with him. Wait forever, give up everything, whatever it took. It’s always puzzled me why others don’t see it that way and are willing to go “Aww if only I’d met you later” and walk away from the person in question. As if love is so commonplace and frequent that you can just toss it away and expect to find it again later.

Original poster
mosaicmug · 28/09/2019 17:15

But when children with extra needs or geography , finances, or the ability to have children come into it, it’s simply not that easy for some.

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 28/09/2019 17:16

When it is the right person, the other issues are not issues. Perhaps, he is the wrong person at the right time?

Seren85 · 28/09/2019 17:17

It did for us. We met at school but we were just too young. If we hadn't split up I don't think I'd have ended up with the career I have now. We stayed friends and found out way back to each other in our mid 20s and have been very happy ever since and married for five years.

optimisticpessimist01 · 28/09/2019 17:19

Didn't for us. There was no reason other than it simply was the wrong time. I regretted it for a bit because he was a good person, but in the end it all worked out and I am now with someone amazing and so is he

Snoopdogsbitch · 28/09/2019 17:21

I think I agree with silverchime I had 2 that I really thought were the right man but wrong time: first one we were too young, second one I was just out of a ltr and just couldn't commit. Looking back, if they had really been the right man I'd have made it work.

I married the wrong man and spent a long time grieving for number 2 especially but since meeting the completely right man 9 years ago I now know I loved them both fiercely but they were, essentially, not what I fought for. I met my now OH the night he moved into his new flat after separating from his wife. It was shitty timing but we did it - we have a 7 year old and he's an amazing step dad to my 2 elder DC.

Why do you ask OP? Are you in a tricky situ?

velocitygirl7 · 28/09/2019 17:26

I walked into a bar with my then dh and spotted a man across the room. I literally felt like I'd been punched in the stomach, I can't precisely explain the feeling but it was pretty all consuming.
Our paths crossed a few times over the years, very platonically and each time I felt ridiculously drawn to him and extremely shaken for sometime afterwards. He was considerably younger than me and in a very different stage of his life to me.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, he is now my dh. We've been together for a decade. There was no affair, we got together after my marriage broke down and it turned out he had felt the same for all those years!

Original poster
mosaicmug · 28/09/2019 17:39

My situation is that I was married at the time and I saw that we were getting far too close.He told me that he loved me and more importantly showed me every day what it was like to be truly loved without ever being sexual. Once he showed his hand I reluctantly asked him to cut down massively on contact. He was terribly sad as was I.my marriage is over now and he is in a relationship.we are still wonderful friends but he seems awkward and quiet since I told him about my husband and I.im just thinking about it all now.

OP posts:
Oblomov19 · 28/09/2019 17:41

I don't believe in wrong time. Yes people make experience tough times, ie post divorce? But, If it's meant to be, if he loves you enough, he'll choose you. It really is that simple.

velocitygirl7 · 28/09/2019 17:44

I agree @Oblomov19 dh finished with his long term partner as soon as he realised my marriage was over. He obviously didn't feel great doing it but described it as a relationship that he'd never thought would last the distance.

Oblomov19 · 28/09/2019 17:44

He could still choose you OP.
But maybe he won't because of pride? Because you turned him down last time. Some people can't get over their own pride.

Pp who said the man was getting married, because the women got her claws into him. I don't agree with that either. He wasn't the right man for pp. because he didn't choose her.

Tilltheendoftheline · 28/09/2019 18:00

Me and dp were like that.

I met him 8 weeks after he left his wife and 10 days after I had left my husband. We attempted a relationship. It went spectacularly wrong. But due to circumstance we continued to be friends. He was staying with my best friend (related to her) and she was my main support on fleeing my abusive marriage. I stayed there alot. We were just friends for about 5 months. We talked a few times about how the timing of us meeting caused it to go so wrong.

We became close friends. He was a great support to me. Helped me move and decorate my new home, making sure it was all ready for my kids. He was there when I felt broken. No romantic relationship. We talked and decides to try again.

Neither of us wanted anyone else. I realised if he met someone else, I would devastated. So 3 years later, we are together. I love him. I know now I loved him when we werenr together. Though at the time I would have said there was nothing between us. Just friendship.

He has always made me feel safe. I can only describe it as, he makes me feel like home.

The I suppose the truth is we werent ready for a relationship, but actually never let eachother go really. We became best friends. Which I am happy about.

Tistheseason17 · 28/09/2019 18:10

Hi OP - tell him you still have feelings for him and ask if he wants to meet. He can only say no.
Better that than you both say nothing and time is wasted should you both feel the same.

FWIW - I asked my DH out - he's simply more shy than me at first.

Original poster
mosaicmug · 28/09/2019 18:17

He seems happy so I don’t want to cause upset and he can hardly hold eye contact with me since o told him . He is offered support but I don’t want to burden him.he is awkward and strange with me at the moment and has even started to drop his girlfriends name Into conversation. Something he never did. I think he is telling me that it’s is over for us but there is a shred of hope deep down that I can’t shake off.

OP posts: