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AIBU?

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Original poster

Visiting dog pooped in my sons room. No one mentioned it...

82 replies

Toooldfornonsense · 28/09/2019 15:21

More of a WWYD but let’s see how this pans out...

Myself and my husband work long hours and do crossover shifts which means we don’t need to pay childcare. This includes one day a week where parents come and pick up our children from school.
My parents are more than we deserve and offered to look after our children for a week whilst myself and my husband went on holiday for a week by ourselves ( it’s very rare we use our work holiday together and I’m under no illusion - we are extremely lucky to a) have parents that can and will offer to do this and b) be able to afford said holiday).
A couple of days before the holiday my mother asked if I’d heard from my sister about her and my young nephew staying whilst we were away. I said I hadn’t and that
it wouldn’t be a problem but it was a problem that she hadn’t mentioned herself. Not long after the call she text to ask... said it was ok. No problem. She said she’d stay in my youngest child’s bedroom with my nephew and my youngest child would sleep I bunk beds with my oldest.
Fast forward to return from holiday and I walked into my oldest sons room which stinks of what can only be described as sick. Waited until my son came home from school and asked if anyone had been sick in his room. He looked very uncomfortable at the question (he is only 8) and after a few questions admitted that my sisters dog had had diarrhoea on his bedroom floor in the night two days before we got back. Apparently there were multiple clean up attempts but the carpet is ruined and the rooms still stinks after multiple attempts by myself to clean it.
The problem I have is that no one has said anything about it (don’t blame my parents, they do a lot for us and it’s not their place. It’s not their dog). My sister on the other hand, left the morning her dog made and mess and had not text to say about the accident or say sorry since. She hadn’t even said thanks for staying at our house (which she wouldn’t have told us hadn’t parents not said. Nor has she mentioned the mess her dog made). I’m so mad about this. What is the best way to approach it?

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 28/09/2019 16:31

Ahh shit! ( no pun intended)

Take it your poor lad has had to sleep in there? :(

Some great text suggestions OP

Absolutely vile for her not to say anything, bang out of order

bobsyourauntie · 28/09/2019 16:34

She should have offered to pay to have it professionally cleaned, but it is a bit OTT to demand a new carpet.

Ongoing, new rule that pets are not allowed upstairs.....

Surely your house insurance would cover the cost of replacing the carpet? You could ask her if she would be prepared to pay the excess if it is similar to carpet cleaning cost.

But I would imagine she won't be happy to pay if she hasn't already offered. So consider carefully whether or not you want to fall out with her before being wound up by some of the replies on here and consider what is worth more to you, your relationship with your sister or the cost of the carpet.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 28/09/2019 16:35

I'd be fuming because dog poo is a health risk. Does she regularly worm the dog? Or vaccinate it? And carpets aren't watertight, so the poo might have gotten down into the floorboards so no amount of cleaning would fix that.
I'm not usually one to argue with relatives, but I don't see why you would avoid a confrontation in this situation, it's just not on. From your son's reaction it sounds like she told him not to say anything which is also not ok.
Ask her how she would like to come home to this.

diddl · 28/09/2019 16:36

So where was your sister when it happened?

Was the dog in the room with two kids?

Didn't the poor thing ask to go out?

All that said, it's up to your sister to replace the carpet imo.

It's disgusting that she said nothing & has offered no solution.

Did she expect your parents to sort it out?

Not sure I'd want to go away with her in Feb tbh.

CalamityJune · 28/09/2019 16:37

I think you need to see it that it is your sister who has caused the awkwardness by

  1. inviting herself to stay
  2. bringing the dog
  3. not properly cleaning the carpet before you returned
  4. not mentioning it to you
  5. not offering to have it professionally cleaned and failing that, replaced
  6. leaving it up to you to make the first move.

Had she simply been open with you and offered to pay the necessary, then there wouldn't be any bad feeling.

Straycatstrut · 28/09/2019 16:40

Why did she bring the dog to your house? I'm confused.

I'd be absolutely fuming with her. The dog caused awful damage. I feel so sorry for your 8 year old! I have a 7 year old and if this happened in his room he'd be really upset about it as he should be!

If she's not bringing it up she just expects you to deal with it. She's probably jealous of the fact that you can get a weeks holiday away from your kids, thinks you could easily afford a new carpet too.

TonTonMacoute · 28/09/2019 16:41

Just say it how it is, cold statement of facts, get a quote for a new carpet and ask her to pay.

HavelockVetinari · 28/09/2019 16:43

Claim on your house insurance assuming you have accidental damage cover. If not ask her to pay for professional cleaning. If that doesn't work she'll need to replace the carpet.

I can't believe she hasn't apologised or mentioned it to you! Shock CF!

Original poster
Toooldfornonsense · 28/09/2019 16:43

@diddl bit of context as you’ve asked for it:

  1. I believe she was sleeping in mine and my husbands bed which she said she wouldn’t sleep in (I know this might be fine for some people but not for us).
  1. No idea where the dog was sleeping, no one has said
  1. My oldest son said the dog had been crying and my sister heard him - clearly no one got up to check

Spoke to parents about it today apparently they thought “she might think they would mention it” (story of her life, takes no actions to sort her own problems out. Ever).

OP posts:
Frillyfarmer · 28/09/2019 16:44

Your sister sounds like my sister in law - fucking entitled. What grown up allows their dog to shit in their nephew's bedroom (why is it even in the bedroom?) and then doesn't sort it out?

I'd just text her to say you expect the carpet cleaning by X date and if that doesn't work you want it replacing. "PS - a text with a heads up would have been nice..."

diddl · 28/09/2019 16:45

That poor dog!

Her dog her responsibility.

Just think that if she had got her lazy arse out of bed, this might have been prevented!

Straycatstrut · 28/09/2019 16:46

I'd be fuming because dog poo is a health risk. Does she regularly worm the dog? Or vaccinate it?

This too! My dog is wormed every month because she's only 3 months at the moment. After she's 6 months it's every 3 months.

Vet gave me a big lecture on how important this is as I have two small boys at the first puppy check up at 10 weeks.

Grannybags · 28/09/2019 16:46

Had you agreed to the dog staying in your house? If no, then she should pay to repair the damage, whether that is professional cleaning or replacement carpet.
If you knew the dog was going to be there then you have some responsibility. A decent person would pay for the damage but the fact that your sister left without telling you shows the level of respect she has for you really.

Original poster
Toooldfornonsense · 28/09/2019 16:46

Also we do have a dog of our own so both dogs get on too. Probably sounds stupid but they’re like dog cousins. Our dog doesn’t like many dogs but likes my sisters. Our dog has open rule of the house and is house trained. Younger than my sisters dog and will go out to toilet. If he’s crying he gets let out

OP posts:
justintimberlakesfishwife · 28/09/2019 16:47

You have to message her and say that that carpet is ruined, please she transfer the money for a new one. Just be factual.
I'm so shocked move said anything!

diddl · 28/09/2019 16:48

"why is it even in the bedroom?"

Well it's possible the kids wanted it in the room.

Ours often sleeps in a bedroom.

But we don't ignore it if it makes a noise in the night!

WhataLovelyPear · 28/09/2019 16:48

My biggest problem with her would be the cowardice of not owning up, so I would be texting her to specifically address that, and then follow up with something pointing out how mean of her to leave your son having to sleep in such a stinking environment.
And then, depending on her response I'd review future contact.

Straycatstrut · 28/09/2019 16:49

3. My oldest son said the dog had been crying and my sister heard him - clearly no one got up to check

Wow. Her poor dog.

I hope you didn't pay for her to go on holiday with you!

WhataLovelyPear · 28/09/2019 16:51

Plus, what CalamityJune said.

CalamityJune · 28/09/2019 16:52

The honesty is the main issue. Had she been upfront and genuinely apologetic, in your shoes I probably would have offered to only let her pay half, or even nothing at all depending on finances.

Just leaving you to sort it without an apology is really rude.

Bobbybobbins · 28/09/2019 16:52

Agree with some pp that the biggest issue here is that she has not told you directly and offered to sort it.

Kaykay06 · 28/09/2019 16:54

@MaidenMotherCrone 😂 funny I read it in nessa’s voice and had a laugh boyfriend looking at me funny now Hmm

My dog has had the shits this week big time and unless it’s cleaned up immediately it seeps into your carpet will be ruined, mine is just hanging in there but I’m running the cleaner over it again later. Ask your sister to pay for a new carpet

Straycatstrut · 28/09/2019 16:56

Best way to approach it is by ringing her (so she can't ignore you) and saying that more work needs doing on DS carpet as you've tried all you can think of and it still smells/stained - and he's upset about it. What does she suggest? if she suggests anymore self-cleaning tell her you've tried it all.

Then bring up a professional carpet cleaner and tell her she's going to have to foot the bill. A dog does damage to someones property, of course the dog owner pays. It's part of owning a dog.

Original poster
Toooldfornonsense · 28/09/2019 16:56

@Bobbybobbins I think that is my main issue too. If my dog had done this in her home I’d have been mortified, attempted to clean it and then even if I thought it was ok, still let her know and pay for a replacement if she wasn’t happy. It would be in her child’s room after all. I just feel so disrespected for myself, my husband, my oldest child and also in respect of my home.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 28/09/2019 16:57

I think putting up with crap from your sister so the children can be friends is understandable but silly. Your kids learn that mummy is treated like shit so they can have friends. Not great.

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