To never want to host or attend toddler play dates at home...

[itsasmallwordafterall]

And always meet elsewhere? Park, woods or soft play etc. I don't want to go to others houses and always try and gently suggest an alternative for the reason that I think it's rude not to reciprocate the play date in my home, so I won't go to theirs either. Most people are fine with it and equally enjoy getting out and letting the dc burn some energy but I notice that some people find it a little offensive.

I don't know why I find it so draining, it sounds ridiculous because I'm not precious about looking after things...my 2 year old and 1 year old trash the place on a daily basis but it's just so much extra work with another few toddlers added in! The last time my friend just allowed her dc to stamp their cheesy puffs all over the floor and sofa then watched me try and hoover the orange crap off everything.

I feel like it's so much nicer getting out the house, meeting elsewhere and coming back to a calm and tidyish environment to carry on our day. Not having to do a full tidy up so that I don't break my neck on the mountains of shite everywhere.

I appreciate when the dc are older their friends will be round all the time and I will happily host them regularly, but I think it's just the stressful multiple toddlers trying to eat and smash everything on top of sleepless nights and going to work at 5pm until midnight most evenings afterwards that just feels too stressful right now!

Aibu? Please be gentle

Yanbu

I hate toddler play dates at home. HATE THEM.

Yanbu. Invariably I end up trying to get them to watch CBeebies after an hour and a half as I can’t take anymore and have to tidy. Even older kids - I’ve had things broken, food taken out of cupboards, refusal to eat basic meals and generally my kids’ rooms in an absolute mess when they’re gone!

You have to do them every once in a while, to avoid offence but surely most mums prefer out playdates?

Not all kids are so messy, and some mums do stay until everything is tidied away as a team effort - those are the friends to hang onto!

I've only got one but I find you can usually have a bit more of a chat and do a bit less parenting in a house than when you're in a park or at softplay. I always help tidy up though.

Even at 2, they’re old enough to start playing the tidy up song and making the point that everyone tidies before they go home. They do this in nurseries, good to get them doing this and enforce kids to tidy up one activity before they start another one.

Things i wish I’d known years ago!

It’s a personal thing. It’s fine to hate them and suggest going out. I’d be annoyed at the friend who just watched her kid stamp wotsits into your floor though!

We have up to 7 under 5s at ours (6 months - 4 years) and it’s full on but in a crazy, fun way. we do all pitch in and help tidy away toys at the end of the afternoon which makes it easier. But we also occasionally go out or start/end the day at the park.

What do you do in the winter? I would have gone mental if I hadn’t had people over a battered house a price worth paying

I hate them too. At my house (which is tiny) the extra kids trashing the place sends me over the edge! My two are 2 and 4 year old boys so like a pair of bulls in a china shop as it is and I really don't need any more kids in the place.

At other people's houses it's the reverse, I can't relax in case my kids make a mess or knock something over, and they aren't naughty children in particular - just typical young kids.

I always suggest the park or softplay etc, much less stressful and you don't have to tidy up afterwards!

I don’t do toddler play dates at home. Getting 2 year old DS to share his toys is a nightmare. He is fine st a toddler group as he knows they don’t belong to him but he can be very possessive over his belongings.

I think it’s fine, but don’t hint, be upfront. Hinting is never a good idea, just say can we meet out and some will some won’t.

Ah 2 year olds - I remember my dd launching herself at every toy another child tried to touch and screaming ‘miiiiiiiine’ with a maniacal gleam in her eye.

Sounds more like your friend is a knob tbh! If you and your friends have a similar approach to / tolerance of mess then it wouldn't be an issue. You can both help tidying / persuading DC to tidy and clean before either of you leave.

I would definitely think it rude if someone came round and let their DC make a mess and then not tidy it up or persuade their DC to help sort it. Maybe you can be a bit more proactive in saying something like "nearly time to go, let's all tidy up" or whatever and shame the other mum into not being so rude!

Yanbu!! I definitely prefer soft play / park for play dates.

Play dates sound horrible, I would hate a group of small children all over the house, and all that this entails.

I don't know why they have play dates really. When my two children were youngies, they played with other children in the school playground after lunch times. Then after school, some children gathered,to play in the garden,or in the field beyond. Nothing was ever organised at all.

And as for sleepovers, no way,, you can't have children disrupting any dogs or cats in your house ha ha

YABU if you accept invites to others houses. Fine not wanting other folks at yours but shouldn't accept invites if you won't reciprocate.

Oops sorry misread your OP my apologies

We had a group of us, who met up regularly at each other’s houses from when dd was a baby. We all knew the kids well and it worked well as everyone’s houses were respected. I’ve done it with other parents and never had an issue. I was too ill to go out and meet most of the time. It suited me very well.

Yanbu

Not everyone can afford places like soft play, and the park can be less than inviting in winter. It's your choice but you may find yourself excluded if you will never host

YANBU

In London some many live in tiny flats so it makes sense to go out as everyone would get cabin fever very quickly. When I lived rurally everyone had big gardens and we'd have the paddling pool up for them

In the summer a garden play date is my preferred thing by far. In the winter, it feels a bit more chaotic.

Yanbu

However it's fair enough your friends are annoyed. It is more relaxed in a house and cheaper. If you have v young dc who need supervision, playgrounds and soft play can see you chasing kids around and not able to chat to friends. I just embraced the chaos and invited friends over!

YANBU.

Ugh, the bloody park, so boring (unless the kids want to play football with me!). But so good for the kids. For me, park playdates are perfect - no tidying up, everyone gets their quota of fresh air/charging around time without wrecking stuff or jumping on my head and you have someone to chat to while you watch your toddler go down the slide for the 1000000000th time. I never turn down an invitation to the park!

Different people prefer different things at various ages I think. Mine are 6 and 3 and have a ball when we have other children round, and really don't make much mess except getting all the dressing up out - easily tidied away by my 6yo.

Honestly when my little one was 1/2 my heart would sink whenever anyone suggested meeting outdoors, as I knew I wouldn't have a moment to chat while trying to prevent injuries etc as she was a total liability on play equipment. And at soft play, there always seems to be one child who doesn't want to join in. But now they will both happily amuse themselves safely outdoors if we have company.

I don't like it either! Would rather go out and do something.

Bit of a different situation but I really struggle with out of house playdates as my kids have special needs and just spend the time trying to kill themselves (running out of parks into roads, letting themselves out of playareas, climbing things that aren't meant to be climbed on, jumping into any bodies of water...) so unless it's a secure specialust playground it's exhausting and not much fun for me. I just accept that there will be a huge tidy up needed afterwards, although no child I've met is worse than either of my boys for mess 🙄