Not my business but concerned

[Googletookmysanity]

As the title suggests, I have a concern that not my business but I am worried about my. Brother . He is a decent kind type in his mid thirties , plenty of friends and hobbies, a great career and financially comfortable . He has a girlfriend of a year. She is a fantastic person and cherishes every bone in his body.He seems to like her very
Much but still lives life like a single man.He owns his own home but goes home to my parents most weekends to stay unless he is at a football game or an event.My parents are fond of his girlfriend and like to invite her round for dinner, celebrations etc but he gets annoyed about it.He carefully organises that he meets his girlfriend at specific times and days,all on his schedule.She fits around him.i know she is in love with him and would like to push the relationship on but he is reluctant.He doesn’t like to stay at hers, he wants to be in our family.When he does stay, he is home first thing the next morning.She doesn’t stay at our parents.They rarely go away or do anything on their own and I know this upsets her.My parents are concerned as she is a super girl and we are hoping that she will not dump him as I know she is frustrated.We get on very well together.He is rigid and controlled as a person and it seems like she fits into his life as he wants it. It’s causing problems in our home as he gets vexed if my parents invite her over or out for dinner so they have stopped asking now.She is his first real girlfriend and I wonder should I encourage him to treat her kinder or stay out of their business.

I am surprised at some of these harsh responses.,and I'm fairly sure if it was a loved brother of the posters shouting it's none of your business, then they'd think it was their business to wonder.

You can't say anything op, and yes, it is clearly an unpleasant way to manage a relationship, your first relationship, in your mid thirties, and yes likely she will dump him. But it's his life. And you need to let him get on with it. If he's using her he's using her. And it's likely best she doesn't get too involved in the family if he is using her.

He could be gay. He could be dating someone from his own culture for appearances sake when he fancies women from another race / culture (or already has a girlfriend). He could be asexual. Or he could just be an arse. Either way your family needs to back off and stop inviting his gf over against his wishesz

We love and accept him exact exactly for Who he is and we would support him totally.it now he who hasTheissue with it. When they are together he is kind and nice but there is no spark there. They are like friends .

Sounds like she should break up with him tbh. Sounds like he don't respect her and is leading her on.

Tell him straight that he needs to tell her that its just casual to him and won't develop or go anywhere.

Then the poor girl knows where she stands and can make her decision on the matter.

He sounds like my brother in many ways. He would date lovely girls who we all liked but he wouldn't change his lifestyle. Until he met the one - who is also lovely thank goodness. IME it seems like as lovely as the girlfriend is, she might not be the one. And all you can do is watch I'm afraid. He's a grown man!

He holidays with his closest friends and our family.

What are the chances his closest friend is a bit more than that?
I know someone who lived in a 1 bed flat for years with their "lodger"!

Tell him straight that he needs to tell her that its just casual to him and won't develop or go anywhere. Then the poor girl knows where she stands and can make her decision on the matter.

What makes you think a grown man who hasn’t been able to decide to do this for himself will suddenly change his mind because his big sister tells him to? Why does this ‘poor girl’ - actually a grown woman - need her boyfriend’s sister to intervene? Surely she can make up her own mind if she is happy in this relationship.

I’d say this is a family where people need to interfere less, not more.

I totally second what @BuzzShitbagBobbly said. A friend of mine lived with and holidayed with his male ‘flatmate’ for over 20 years. Most of the world knew they were a couple but they didn’t want to alienate or upset their elderly and somewhat homophobic parents. The parents have now died, the couple came out to those family members who didn’t already know their status. They are now very happily married and their two families have become equally happy inlaws.