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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a head wobble over holiday romance

56 replies

Wobblemydamnhead · 27/09/2019 05:39

Separated from long term partner in Jan.

Had a long weekend away in NYC a couple of weeks ago with some friends while he had the kids. Had a bit of a holiday romance. I’m probably using the word ‘romance’ a bit loosely. It was an extremely (erm....) enthusiastic and enjoyable series of night spent together (some going out with our groups of friends too though). I’ve never in my days experienced chemistry like it.

I wasn’t expecting to ever hear from him again and wrote it off as a fantastic weekend but a one-off.

I was completely shocked when he did get in touch when I got home and has kept in touch quite a lot.

The problem is I’m not bloody eating, sleeping or concentrating. It’s ridiculous. There’s no long term potential because of the distance (he lives in NY) and I need to pull myself together.

Does this wear off? What happens now? I am a complete bloody mess and I don’t even know how to put a name on what i’m feeling.

I’m awake in the early hours yet again because my sleep is so disrupted!

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 27/09/2019 07:07

HennyPenny, she said her ex had the kids so yes, she has kids and an active ex as a parent and can't therefore move.

IdiotInDisguise · 27/09/2019 07:14

As a good holiday romance, the magic can disappear the moment he visits you at home and you need to introduce him to your family and friends. That is the moment that you realise about all those little imperfections you normally wouldn’t consider in your own environment but are willing to dismiss for guaranteed short lived fun.

A long distance relationship is not much of a relationship when prospects of advancing the relationship are practically inexistent, I would take this as someone you can keep someway in the background as a long distance friend/companion, while you find someone else (I’m sure he will be doing the same)

longearedbat · 27/09/2019 07:18

I had a holiday/long distance romance many years ago. Turned out he was a complete knob, but what has stayed with me was the way I felt. I was 40 at the time, but it was like being a lovesick 16 year old at the time. It was horrible in retrospect (the feeling) because I felt helpless in the face of it. I wish I had exercised control and just left it at a happy holiday memory, instead of running round airports like a lovesick puppy.
Oh, and really, I can't emphasise enough what a total, total idiot/dick he turned out to be.

Crystal87 · 27/09/2019 07:19

There's no harm keeping in contact with him as long as you don't go full in. The chances are it won't work out because of the distance but if you're both willing to try, maybe it could.

I once had a very intense short fling with an Aussie. I was head over heels but knew there was no future as he was going back home shortly. It took me ages to get over it and I cried over him for months, but I ended up meeting someone else in the end and now he's a distant memory. Sometimes people just come and go in our lives and leave fun memories, they don't always have to be the real deal.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/09/2019 07:22

I’ve had holiday romances before and they’ve actually gone somewhere

Invite him over, see what happens. Good luck OP!

EleanorReally · 27/09/2019 07:28

just enjoy the feeling op, it will pass

WizardOfAus · 27/09/2019 07:39

Your life mirrors the plot for the tv show, Catastrophe. For the record, their relationship works out. Smile

Original poster
Wobblemydamnhead · 27/09/2019 07:44

Thanks for the lovely responses all. Yes, I have kids so can’t up and leave, although a holiday could definitely be on the cards.

To the poster who asked how we met - drunk in a bar. Nothing glamorous!

Need to get a bloody grip though. It’s been almost a fortnight!

OP posts:
Esspee · 27/09/2019 07:51

Those tingly feelings you are getting are caused by common sense leaving your body. Some people call it love or lust. It will pass.

(Personally I would enjoy it while I could. Lucky you. 😍)

northerngirl2012 · 27/09/2019 07:55

I’d go with it too, suggest he comes here or you go there & see what happens...

LarkDescending · 27/09/2019 07:55

Ah I remember the heady rush of excitement! Actually I had one of these that turned into a LTR. Get him over here and make the most of that chemistry OP Wink

KurriKawari · 27/09/2019 07:56

Is he treating it as a relationship? What has he been saying since you got back?

madcatladyforever · 27/09/2019 07:57

It's just hormones and the heady first days of lust. It isn't anything to base a relationship on and will wear off when normal life kicks in.
How I wish mine had worn off sooner, I went on to spend 20 years with an idiot.
Fun while it lasts though.

OMGshefoundmeout · 27/09/2019 07:57

It’s probably a good thing he is so far away. It means you can recall the thrill of those days without the pressure to keep on seeing him in the more complicated real world of kids and job and putting the bins out.

And NY isn’t the moon. As you well know, planes go both ways - who knows what the future might hold.

babbydriver · 27/09/2019 08:01

Out of sight out of mind worked for me......eventually. It was tough at first though.....be strong and try and see it for what it was.

MoreNiceCereal · 27/09/2019 08:01

Enjoy it for what it was, keep it in context, and date more local men. Sounds like a wonderful time, but not worth feeling forlorn over.

KUGA · 27/09/2019 08:02

It`s early days and the memory will fade.

LillianGish · 27/09/2019 08:03

Your life mirrors the plot for the tv show, Catastrophe. For the record, their relationship works out you obviously haven’t seen the end.

KurriKawari · 27/09/2019 08:17

If you dont want to be with him as he's so far away it's easy to block him on your phone, emails etc.

Janicejaniceahmfallin · 27/09/2019 08:19

Bloody hell, LillianGish, I’m still in the middle of watching that!

withernseawoes · 27/09/2019 08:33

I'm six years on from something similar and it hasn't passed! I've never had such chemistry (in a huge number of years and experience). I've since been with the loveliest man ever for four years now but I'm still not 'over' the other guy.

I don't think about him constantly. It doesn't cause me pain exactly. But I'm certainly not 'over him'.

crushingonpacey · 27/09/2019 08:35

I'm married to my 'holiday romance'. We had a week together in the UK when he was working on a project there. He then went back to his home country (Europe), and we made it work. Now we are married with a baby and I am living in his country. Sometimes you have to take a leap...

StyleO · 27/09/2019 08:42

Invite him over here! Maybe not to your home but a city/country break and see how that goes. If he feels the same then he can eventually move here.

theWarOnPeace · 27/09/2019 08:44

I don’t think it’s too far fetched to say it could become something more.

Why not? Long distance and OLD are a thing. This is like getting to know someone online that you’ve already confirmed you actually fancy face to face.

Even if you throw yourself into it and accept it as genuine and allow it to progress, then it fizzles out, what have you lost?

I’m married, but all previous relationships have failed. I don’t regret them or see them as me being stupid or nuts for making an effort at the time I was with those people. Nobody knows where things will lead at the beginning. Your NY guy romance might work, it might not, but enjoy finding out!

stupidboyman · 27/09/2019 09:01

It's not that far away op!

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