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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say this was rude?

56 replies

PinkButterfly855 · 26/09/2019 19:07

A 6ft2 man saying to a formal (Who is 5'3),
"God. Have you shrunk? '

OP posts:
AmIThough · 26/09/2019 19:42

@BrylcreamBeret something not being polite doesn't mean it's rude

tinytemper66 · 26/09/2019 19:42

And I am not even 5ft!

Walnutwhipster · 26/09/2019 19:45

I'm 5'3" my closest friend is 6'4" I can't get worked up about comments about my height. I'm also a size 6 I know I'm a wee thing.

WorraLiberty · 26/09/2019 19:46

I'm 5ft 3 and I don't consider myself particularly short.

But if someone almost a foot taller than me stood beside me, of course I'd consider myself short in comparison.

The comment would only have been rude if made to me by someone I don't get on with. Otherwise it's just a laugh.

Then again, Mumsnet has always been a popular meeting place for the permanently offended imo.

CherryPlum · 26/09/2019 19:47

@AmIThough of course 'not polite' means rude 🤔

highheelsandbobblehats · 26/09/2019 19:52

Meh. I'm 5'0 with a 6'2 husband. It's not the sort of comment I could get even a little bit worked up about.

dollydaydream114 · 26/09/2019 19:56

Depends on the relationship between the two people. I wouldn't expect a colleague to comment on my height unless we knew each other really well, nor would I expect a random passer-by in the street to do it.

But it wouldn't be rude if it was someone I had a friendly relationship with.

Original poster
PinkButterfly855 · 26/09/2019 19:58

Not really close with him no. Just someone I have known a couple of years to speak with

OP posts:
Mamasaurus82 · 26/09/2019 19:58

I'd be annoyed by it if it was a colleague I didn't know that well/ like that much. If you dislike someone their words can carry more weight. Who knows, maybe he has a complex about his height. He's possibly a complete knobhead. Grin

GettingABitDesperateNow · 26/09/2019 20:06

I actually think that commenting on anyone's appearance is rude unless it's a compliment . I wouldn't do it. Its banter if you have that type of relationship where you both say stuff like that. Otherwise yes its rude.

Original poster
PinkButterfly855 · 26/09/2019 20:08

He is known for making comments which can be viewed as rude and can be a right knob.

OP posts:
ElizaPancakes · 26/09/2019 20:10

Not rude.

It might not be complimentary but it’s not rude either. It’s just a bog-standard small talk comment.

Clearly your opinion is tainted by his previous behaviour.

adaline · 26/09/2019 20:22

Not rude - a bit cheeky, maybe, but certainly not rude.

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 26/09/2019 20:24

Absolutely not rude, unless you’re one of the professionally offended, that is...........

donquixotedelamancha · 26/09/2019 20:29

Well its not a complimentary comment.

It's a factual comment. You are short, he is tall; that juxtaposition can be amusing when next to each other. Many a joke has been based on this.

It's only offensive if you think being short is bad and it should be tactfully ignored.

He is known for making comments which can be viewed as rude and can be a right knob.

Then doubtless another comment will come along soon which provides a better opportunity for you to get angry with him. It's nice to have a hobby.

Original poster
PinkButterfly855 · 26/09/2019 20:33

And not nice to be an arsehole in life

OP posts:
lljkk · 26/09/2019 20:34

I don't understand what MNers mean by 'rude' any more. OP's story:

Rude = vulgar & gross: no, not that.
Rude = selfish and aggressive: nope, not that.
Rude = meant to make someone feel bad because....
*being short is obviously very shameful to be: the comment didn't imply shame about the shortness
*being short is obviously inferior to being tall. but he didn't say that it was worse, just different

I can't find a "Was it rude" test for the comment to pass.

It's popular on MN to say "Always rude to comment on someone's personal appearance": I can't agree with that. if I did, I could never tell someone that I liked their haircut, dress, shoes, pretty jewellery, eye colour... life would be so dull without free exchange of personal compliments or even factual statements.

Police officer: "Who was it that pulled the child out of the river?"

Witness: "Well... I really mustn't say, I mean it was a person who saved the child's life. But if I describe anything about them, that would be so very rude of me, wouldn't it! My proper upbringing won't let me be so rude as to comment on personal appearance, sorry."

OneAutumnMorning · 26/09/2019 20:41

I think it's knobbish. It's not funny to make jokes about peoples appearance, especially females with all the stupid bloody personal pressures we face.

A mate joking to a mate is different.

WhatshouldIdonoww · 26/09/2019 20:43

I don’t think it’s rude. I’m 5ft 3 but then I like my height and don’t see being short as an insult

1Morewineplease · 26/09/2019 20:56

I feel pretty sure that this is just light-hearted banter albeit a little dated.
I do wonder if society is getting a tad snowflakey ( ok , not a word) about general light hearted chit-chat.

donquixotedelamancha · 26/09/2019 21:02

It's not funny to make jokes about peoples appearance

So true. To quote the great Titania McGrath:

"Hate speech isn’t possible without free speech, so if you’re defending free speech that’s basically hate speech."

It's a type of joke only ever told by Cishet white men.

See, not funny at all.

Aprillygirl · 26/09/2019 21:03

Unless you're particularly self conscience about your height (which at a perfectly reasonable 5ft 3 I don't see why you would be) and he is aware that you are, I wouldn't say that comment was rude no.

donquixotedelamancha · 26/09/2019 21:03

And not nice to be an arsehole in life

You find a mild comment about your two relative heights offensive, but are OK with direct abuse? Seems a little inconsistent.

Bluntness100 · 26/09/2019 21:08

Meh, you clearly don't like him. So are being a bit petty and silly.

june2007 · 26/09/2019 21:16

It's tiresome to frequently have comments about height/weight. Doesn't matter if tall ,short male female slim or large. Comments on ones looks may not always be spiteful but can def get one down.

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