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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I dont want a baby shower...

42 replies

Ghost88 · 26/09/2019 16:10

The look of shock and horror on people's faces when they ask.. 'are you having a baby shower?' and I answer 'no'
BUT WHY????????
Why ask?????? Its like there's only meant to be one answer!
I have been told that i MUST do something before baby is born, afternoon tea or SOMETHING!!!!!!

Is it so wrong to not want one? I hate attending them if im being honest, I couldnt think of anything worse than having one for me!
Also, my mum passed away 5 years ago and I just couldnt bare the thought of it without her anyway!!

OP posts:

dalmatianmad · 26/09/2019 16:12

I hate them too! Stick by your guns and dont bother. The are grabby and make me feel uncomfortable

Hunkyd0ry · 26/09/2019 16:13

Just say what you wrote here!
I didn’t want one but friends did a surprise one anyway. It was fine but I was ok without one.
Could you do a meet up after baby is born instead?

GettingABitDesperateNow · 26/09/2019 16:14

Tell them about your mum. Or tell them you are superstitious and dont want to jinx things (I know someone who had a stillbirth after her baby shower and didnt have one with subsequent births). Tell them you dont like being centre of attention. Or you think they are tacky and grabby. Or organise a nice lunch for some friends but explain that gifts are banned and no one is allowed to mention babies - that you're going to be immersed in baby talk for the next year or so and want one adult focussed
get together with your friends before it starts

Ultimately no one can force you although I guess someone could arrange a surprise one for you

Witchinaditch · 26/09/2019 16:14

Don’t have one.

bakesalesally · 26/09/2019 16:16

I don't blame you! They are horrid gabby events. My friends threw me a surprise one and I was horrified. They took all the decorations down, and then we went on to have nice tea and cakes together, which I appreciated. They all came back one by one when the baby was safely here for a cuddle.

Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 26/09/2019 16:16

Just tell people you don't like being the centre of attention and you will happily see people in smaller doses once you've settled into newborn life.

Topseyt · 26/09/2019 16:16

Just stick to your guns and say that you are not having one, and won't attend any that they may try to sneakily organise for you.

Baby showers weren't around when I had my children and I am so glad about that. I don't like parties anyway.

Stop attending them. Claim prior engagements. I can honestly say that I have never attended a single baby shower, and I don't ever want to.

whiskersonkittenss · 26/09/2019 16:17

I hate them too. I've had this conversation with my sister who's very into the idea. I said if she has one then I'll walk out. she knows I will too, so I really hope she's off the idea now.

CocoLoco87 · 26/09/2019 16:17

Tbh if someone I knew said they didn't want one, I'd think they were hinting they wanted a surprise one... maybe I have odd friends but if someone said they didn't want one because their mum wouldn't be there then I'd totally understand and not push the issue. Just be really clear why you don't want one. Congratulations on your pregnancy

mauvaisereputation · 26/09/2019 16:17

I'm surprised at the reactions you're getting. I didn't have one and didn't think it was a thing not to do one. It wasn't a big deal. The only thing is that you might not get together with a bunch of friends for a while after having the baby, so if you think you'll miss doing that it's worth organising a get-together. But you can invite people over for visits once the baby has come. Do what you feel like.

meccacos2 · 27/09/2019 04:36

I hate the games people play at them - such as “guess what’s in the nappy”. I don’t care what’s in there!!

The best baby shower I went to was a guys from work. There was lots of alcohol and men were invited so it wasn’t all females talking about their birth stories.

Summer135 · 27/09/2019 04:45

I don't blame you. I didn't want one either! The thought of it stressed me out. I hate going to them too. Just say no and enjoy doing what you like to do :)

PhilCornwall1 · 27/09/2019 05:31

Isn't this kind of thing some crazy import from the States?

Limpshade · 27/09/2019 05:36

I didn't want one either but allowed myself to be railroaded into it on the condition there were no presents and no games. It was basically an afternoon champagne tea (my DH stumped up the cash for the food and drink) and quite fun, although people still bought presents, despite the invite stipulating otherwise

If you don't want one, just say no and demonstrate more willpower than me

Jent13c · 27/09/2019 05:40

I threw a 'sip and see' party for my SIL about 1 month after her 2nd baby was born (with permission). Was much better than a baby shower like we did for first baby as it meant she had a few weeks at home enjoying her baby then got all her obligatory visitors out of the way in a nice 2 hour slot when she was ready. If anyone text asking when they could come round and see the baby she could just invite them to the party.

Dongdingdong · 27/09/2019 05:55

I don’t actually know anyone this side of the pond who’s had a baby shower. Isn’t it much more common in America?

redcarbluecar · 27/09/2019 06:08

Jesus, these sound terrible. Surely it should be enough to say ‘No, I don’t want one’ without having to offer reasons.

mrscatmad31 · 27/09/2019 06:25

People keep asking me if I want a baby shower and they are horrified when I say no! I hate them and I didn't have one the first time round and hopefully won't be this time either

AuntieMarys · 27/09/2019 06:29

Awful things. I have been invited to my stepdaughter's and declined.

midsummabreak · 27/09/2019 06:29

Sorry for your loss of your dear mum. Every special occassion will be tinged with sadness of those loved ones who can't be there It's your right to decide how to manage those occassions and the feelings of grief for your loss of your mum. If you decide not to have a baby shower, others will understand if you just say no.

I didn't have one but I have been to about four. I agree that the baby-themed games are cringe worthy and some mums to be have ridiculous expectations However if you decide to cave, given you have some very enthusiastic friends, you could have a lovely quiet baby shower, just with whatever and whomever makes you happy. I think you sound like you would hold the perfect baby shower , as you wouldnt be grabby, which spoils the whole party really. The intention of the gift givers and attendees is toshare their enthusiasm with you and show their support, although I do get what you are saying , it gets out of hand for some grabby mums, -and it is always going to be tinged with great sadness about the loss of your mum and that you can't share the joy with your mum.

Oysterbabe · 27/09/2019 06:31

I only know a couple of people who had them. Not a normal thing in my circles.

midsummabreak · 27/09/2019 06:32

Trooperslaneagain · 27/09/2019 06:45

YANBU. I had similar reactions. Tacky as fuck IMO.

PlugUgly1980 · 27/09/2019 06:48

I didn't have one with either of my two. My idea of hell! Didn't have a hen party for the same reasons!

QueenOfCatan · 27/09/2019 06:55

I refused to have one! I also refused a hen party, my sister tried to organise me a surprise one and luckily a friend who knows me very well (one of the two invited) told me so I said it wasn't happening, I hate surprises and I hate being the centre of attention. And baby showers are even worse with all the tacky games.

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