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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm missing out on the big O

31 replies

theunknownx · 26/09/2019 10:25

Me and my bf have been together 8 years. Our sex life is still very active even after having 2 kids we more or less have it every day.

But.... I've never actually had an orgasm during sex, I've only ever been with him and I feel like I'm missing out on something.

Am I missing out on something? Or is an orgasm during sex over rated?

God I feel like a numpty posting this on here 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

OP posts:
TottieandMarchpane · 26/09/2019 10:26

Most women don’t orgasm during penetration.

TottieandMarchpane · 26/09/2019 10:27

Or should I say not purely through penetration.

YoureAQuizardHarry · 26/09/2019 10:27

Piv sex sex doesn't work for some women. Use a vibe during sex and that should work

fairhairedfairy · 26/09/2019 10:29

When you say "
But.... I've never actually had an orgasm during sex"

Does that include oral sex etc or just penetrative?

Slappadabass · 26/09/2019 10:30

Do you orgasm when you are alone? If so you need to incorporate what you do alone into sex with your BF.
Is he aware you don't orgasm, or do you fake it? I would be wary of telling him you have faked it for 8years, if you want to incorporate new things, toys etc, tell him you just want to spice things up, I can't imagine him having a problem with it!

fairhairedfairy · 26/09/2019 10:30

Because I wouldn't be having sex almost every day without coming 😂

Morgan12 · 26/09/2019 10:30

Like ever? Or just during penetrative sex?

Original poster
theunknownx · 26/09/2019 10:32

So most times just straight in no foreplay then when he's finished that's that. I kind of feel frustrated I'm not completely satisfied, I feel awful discussing this on here but I don't think he would see it from my point just that I want better from someone else.

OP posts:
Original poster
theunknownx · 26/09/2019 10:34

@fairhairedfairy I can orgasm with oral or touching but this is rare for him to do and you no I'm just starting to feel abit disappointed

OP posts:
TottieandMarchpane · 26/09/2019 10:34

Is that a NC fail? Confused

Original poster
theunknownx · 26/09/2019 10:35

I have no idea why my name has changed half way thru the thread when I changed before I posted oops

OP posts:
TottieandMarchpane · 26/09/2019 10:36

Probably a sock in the works.

ffswhatnext · 26/09/2019 10:37

If he doesn't see it from your point of view then he's a selfish ass. Ask him how he would feel if he wasn't cuming.
Roll on, roll off types really aren't worth it. They should care about your needs as well.
In some positions, I can cum easily with piv, in others I need my clit rubbed.

Thisisstrange1 · 26/09/2019 10:38

To answer your questions: You are missing out and it's not overrated

TottieandMarchpane · 26/09/2019 10:40

Have you considered taking up lawn bowls OP?

TottieandMarchpane · 26/09/2019 10:40

Or getting an allotment?

Original poster
theunknownx · 26/09/2019 10:41

@TottieandMarchpane 😂😂 I knew I was missing out on something. The problem now is how do I fix it without upsetting his feelings about it

OP posts:
Slappadabass · 26/09/2019 10:41

You need to stop letting him use your for a quickie, you need good sex, not shit sex everyday its about quality not quantity. Tell him you want more than a quickie, you want foreplay and you want to Orgasm. It sounds like he is selfish in bed and you need to put your foot down about it.
A quickie is ok every now and again, but if it's not doing anything for you then don't let him use you just for his needs.

womanontheedgeoftime · 26/09/2019 10:42

OP yes you are missing out. It sounds like your sex life is all about your partner's satisfaction and not yours.

Does he know you never orgasm?

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 26/09/2019 10:44

Do you fake orgasm during your day to day sex life?

I have done in previous relationships. I value myself and my pleasure far too much now to do that!

Original poster
theunknownx · 26/09/2019 10:45

@Slappadabass I think your definitely right. Most times I just feel like is that it... is that terrible

OP posts:
Original poster
theunknownx · 26/09/2019 10:46

@womanontheedgeoftime I don't think he realises he's not fully satisfying me no

OP posts:
GaudyNight · 26/09/2019 10:46

The problem now is how do I fix it without upsetting his feelings about

If he's literally rolling on and rolling off with no foreplay or any attempt to make sure you derive any pleasure from this, every single day, then I wouldn't be all that worried about him being upset, the poor diddums.

If you've been operatically faking When Harry Met Sally-style for eight years, it's a little more delicate.

Original poster
theunknownx · 26/09/2019 10:47

@Coffeeandchocolate9 I don't even fake orgasm 😂 he just doesn't seem to notice. I just thought he's all I've known sexually so it's probably normal, obviously it isn't

OP posts:
ILikeyourHairyHands · 26/09/2019 10:48

You've posted on another thread about how abusive he is OP, so rather than trying to improve your sex life I think you'd be better served getting some support to leave this relationship. This is a very supportive forum for women in your position.

I wish you well.