To not want to be the messenger?

[LaCerva]

Hi all. Looking for a few words of advice on how I should approach this tricky situation.

My brother-in-law and his wife recently separated after 30 years of marriage. Even though she and I have been friends as well as in-laws, I did not know until now that their relationship was an abusive one

• mainly emotional but occasionally physical. She says that although she still loves him, there is no going back and is filing for divorce. Brother-in-law has been relocated and now lives alone after police were called. He was heavily reliant on her as he has several chronic health issues. He has to have no contact with her so is pleading with me to relay his apologies to her. I felt obliged to do this as he is my husband's brother, although he is obviously in the wrong. She is adamant that she will not take him back. How am I supposed to tell him this? He made it clear that if she refused him then he would not be able to carry on. I know he is absolutely at fault but I do not want to have a suicide on my conscience. I firmly believe that he would carry this out. There is no one else that will tell him (his family are defending him) so it has somehow fallen to me. I don't know what to do.

He is mentally abusing you after physically abusing his x to be.
Don`t get involved.

How would you feel if the tables were turned and you were her? Just tell him you can't get involved as it's nothing to do with you. You can't be responsible for his actions. He's just abusing you now emotionally.

You are continuing the abuse by relaying his messages.

STOP! Honestly you should be more disturbed with relaying his messages to her than vice versa

PLEASE don’t pass on any more messages

And you need to tell your SIL that you won’t pass a message on again

She has spent 30 years with this cunt, try to imagine how long she’s wanted the abuse to end. And now it finally has and you’re passing on messages to reel her back in

I know you’re in a difficult position, and I know that you really don’t want to be involved in any way other than supporting your SIL, but what you’ve done really isn’t very fair.

If SiL is your friend, why are you enabling BiL's continuing abuse of her by passing on his messages? To hell with what MiL thinks, he's her son so it's obvious she is going to defend him. Nothing has fallen to you, tell him you won't do it..