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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to watch a (loud) action film in my own house?

77 replies

Sunnyseadays · 25/09/2019 20:52

Neighbour just came over and complained that my film is too loud! It's an action film I was watching with my boys, one is ill and it was a treat. I do find it annoying that in action films the dialogue is usually quiet and mumbly so you have to turn it up to hear what they're saying, then the music and action sequences are loud and crashy.

But I was very surprised to get a knock from my neighbour. He didn't even ask nicely if I could turn it down, he didn't even say hello (or goodbye) just stood there complaining about how loud it was.

AIBU to watch that type of film in a semi detached house? Or is he being U for coming to complain and not even managing to be polite about it?

OP posts:

ASauvignonADay · 26/09/2019 07:04

Depends what time I guess too - middle of the day or evening not too bad. After 9/10pm I turn mine down as am conscious about disturbing neighbours. It's annoying but part of being neighbourly!

CarolDanvers · 26/09/2019 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lweji · 26/09/2019 07:11

@MrsTriOskvi

Interesting only post on MN.

Lweji · 26/09/2019 07:12

@MrsTriOskvi you sound like a complete nightmare neighbour and tremendously selfish person.

Not unlike the OP.

Byllis · 26/09/2019 07:23

Surprised by the number of posts saying the TV must be too loud if the neighbour can hear it. I've lived in quite a few flats and houses with party walls, and tv and music at any volume carries. I lived in a flat where you could hear the man upstairs singing and going for a wee in the night! He wasn't especially noisy, but every sound travelled. I'd be annoyed if the OP was listening to these sorts of films for hours every night, but even then can't imagine saying anything unless it was after 10/11 (and more than just occasionally).

PancakeAndKeith · 26/09/2019 07:31

You can make as much noise as you want up to a certain time.

Only if you’re a selfish cunt.

flamingjune123 · 26/09/2019 07:45

I live in a terrace and my sitting room and bedroom are directly next to neighbours one side of me. I watch films etc in both rooms and regularly check with my neighbours that the sound doesn't effect them. I also ask that if my music or tv is too loud at anytime to please let me know
Having lived next door to neighbours who blasted out TV and music with no respect for neighbours I can assure you it's soul destroying to live in this way
So I think your neighbour was being reasonable coming to tell you

BeanBag7 · 26/09/2019 07:48

I think the neighbour was unreasonable. As long as it wasnt the middle of the night or happening every day, I think it is fine.
If you live in a semi detached house, you can't expect silence all the time. We can sometimes hear the neighbour doing DIY or other things but we live in a terrace so it is to be expected.
The way he went about it was totally unreasonable.

Nanny0gg · 26/09/2019 07:49

You can make as much noise as you want up to a certain time.

No you can't.

MonChatEstMagnifique · 26/09/2019 08:01

It must be loud if it's disturbing your neighbours.

Not necessarily, some people have a very low tolerance of normal amounts of noise from neighbours. We live in a semi detached house and have had 4 different neighbours in about 20 years. Some had children and pets, one was a single man. With all of them, we have been able to hear them at times, TVs, music, kids playing, rows etc and they've all been normal considerate people. I'm sure they hear us too. If your film was on a volume for you to hear it comfortably and its not 3am, then I think they are being a bit intolerant. They're also extremely rude to come to your house and not be polite when asking you to turn it down.

msmith501 · 26/09/2019 08:20

It's simple - irrespective of how loud you think it was - there is absolutely no reason why your poor neighbour should be able to hear anything more than (at most) a distant background noise. As an analogy, if my neighbour liked (say) heavy metal and I didn't and would never ever choose to listen to it, why should I then be forced to hear it against my wishes. It's the same with music in pubs that you wouldn't personally listen to - what's convenient for the people serving doesn't always reflect the wishes of those having to listen. You sound the same - a bit entitled and selfish. If you weren't, you would be embarrassed to even post the question. Bad neighbourly behaviour is one of the worse things in my book and can make being in your own home really unpleasant. I hope today you will be apologising and making amends.... "that's when neighbours become good friends.." (to borrow a tag line from Australian TV).

Original poster

Sunnyseadays · 26/09/2019 09:03

Ok my conclusion from quite a few of the posts on this thread:

So many MNers are very very rude and make extreme assumptions from such a small bit of info from someone!

It's great to get opinions from both sides - I posted as a) I was genuinely curious to hear opinions on noise of films from neighbours and b) I was a bit bored as couldn't watch the film with my kids any more (we tried it turned down a bit but couldn't hear the dialogue at all so it was pointless) and c) I fancied a bit of a rant as my neighbour was so rude to me and it was such an unexpected intrusion that ruined mine and my children's evening.

It's actually making me laugh reading comments like 'you sound the same - a bit entitled and selfish. If you weren't, you would be embarrassed to even post the question.' and 'you sound like a complete nightmare neighbour and tremendously selfish person. Not unlike the OP.'

The thing that makes me laugh is that I've been creeping round my house for the last ten years so as not to disturb my neighbours because they're so noise sensitive. I've completely changed my lifestyle to suit them, I don't have friends round anymore, I don't listen to music at all, I don't really relax and just 'be' because I'm afraid of disturbing them (because when they first moved in they told us off so often, usually by text, for the slightest noise of us living our lives) - my friends and family tell me off for living like this, creeping about and tell me I should be more selfish!

I'm in my late 40s and have lived for many years in various terraced houses and heard so many people's parties, arguments, TV etc etc - but I'd never think to complain because I thought that was the downside of living in old terraced or semi houses. I'm a considerate neighbour and would never knowingly do anything that disturbs the peace of my neighbours and I'd hope for the same consideration in return (but sadly don't always get it).

My neighbours have kids parties and leave their child screaming (not going to comfort her at all) for hours. It's annoying but it's part of life I guess. I wouldn't even consider this but for the fact that they've complained so much about our noises (which are just us living normal considerate not very noisy lives in a semi detached house).

I find it genuinely surprising that so many of you MNers genuinely find watching a one-off action film selfish / entitled! If that is selfish and entitled what words do you use for describing people who are actually properly selfish and entitled?!

OP posts:

MerryDeath · 26/09/2019 09:10

yabu just turn it down and be more mindful next time

LadyFlumpalot · 26/09/2019 09:14

@hagsrus0 oh my! I used to be in the Sealed Knot and we'd shout "No Popery! No dried flowers!"

Sorry, not relevant in the slightest!

familycourtq · 26/09/2019 09:15

YABU Why should anyone else have to hear your film?

msmith501 · 26/09/2019 09:16

In response to your question "what do we call people who are selfish and entitled?", we call them @Sunnyseadays.

... teasing apart, your original post did not mention how you had been creeping quietly around for the last ten years or how you have tried to be the prefect neighbour - as a result, we can only comment on the initial information provided. Your drip feeding puts a different slant on you as a person although it is still unreasonable to be playing the TV so loud in my opinion.

Original poster

Sunnyseadays · 26/09/2019 09:29

I deliberately didn't mention any history in my OP as I just wanted to hear without bias was the noise reasonable or unreasonable. It has been refreshing to hear both perspectives.

What is not so refreshing are the personal attacks - the MN talk guidelines state 'no personal attacks'.

OK - saying I am unreasonable
NOT OK - calling me selfish & entitled - a personal attack

OP posts:

msmith501 · 26/09/2019 09:37

Best report me then... it's only right.

msmith501 · 26/09/2019 09:38

@MNHQ please may I report myself for suggesting the OP was acting entitled and selfish.

Thanks.

FrauHaribo · 26/09/2019 09:39

I've been creeping round my house for the last ten years so as not to disturb my neighbours because they're so noise sensitive. I've completely changed my lifestyle to suit them, I don't have friends round anymore, I don't listen to music at all, I don't really relax and just 'be' because I'm afraid of disturbing them

not sure where watching a loud action movie comes into your "creeping round your own house:?

Lweji · 26/09/2019 11:57

I deliberately didn't mention any history in my OP as I just wanted to hear without bias was the noise reasonable or unreasonable.

And the history is still irrelevant if the noise was indeed too loud.
He was rude possibly because the noise was way too loud, and you know they're sensitive.

I think different people will have different concepts of creeping around. Some people are naturally loud and will make louder noises.
People with hearing problems may not realise how much noise they're making.

Children's parties during the day, fine.
Noisy films when children are in bed, less fine. The quiet at night tends to make noises worse.

But, you may well be right that they are annoying and too sensitive.
We cannot judge the noise levels involved because we can't hear them.

justheretostalk · 26/09/2019 12:13

Nah I disagree that you should turn it down! Make as much fucking noise as you like in your own house during reasonable waking hours!

Fuck me, I listen to dogs barking, children screaming, babies crying, music blasting, lawnmowers mowing, chainsaws chopping, my neighbours ridiculously annoying Fran Fine voice all fucking day long.

It’s part of the parcel of living in suburbia FFS! If you don’t like it, move to the sticks.

LolaSmiles · 26/09/2019 12:21

We can't say for sure.

Some neighbours are unreasonable and in the same club as MNers who think any use of the garden that isn't to sit silently in is some kind of log it with 101 offence, with children playing, hot tubs and lawnmowers being key offenders. They'll want to complain about anything that isn't silent enjoy of their house/garden because they enjoy whining.

Some neighbour are considerate and expect a certain amount of noise that's reasonable when you life close to people. There's give an take on both sides.

Some neighbours are quite noisy by nature and they're so used to being noisy, having music on loud, turning the telly up etc that they forget they are actually noisier than most.

Personally, if a film can be heard loudly through the wall then it's too loud, independent of their wider actions.

FrauHaribo · 26/09/2019 12:21

Make as much fucking noise as you like in your own house during reasonable waking hours!

you do realise that live only gets miserable when you are surrounded by neighbours who think exactly like that?

If you chose not to live in the middle of nowhere, you accept to be considerate. Or you should.

justheretostalk · 26/09/2019 12:25

you do realise that live only gets miserable when you are surrounded by neighbours who think exactly like that?

If you chose not to live in the middle of nowhere, you accept to be considerate. Or you should.

Me? I said it was my neighbours and surrounds I listen to all day. Never ever once have I thought about complaining about noise between the hours of 7am-9pm. Literally wouldn’t occur to me.

The only one that really pisses me off is the neighbour with the Fran Fine voice, but I suppose there’s not much she can do about that....

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