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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him not to drink tonight?

55 replies

Emptyspacex · 25/09/2019 19:26

Myself and my partner usually have a few drinks together once or twice a week (me glass of wine and him a few beers). I specifically asked him not to drink tonight as our 1 year old has just had his jabs and hes usually feverish and clingy when he has them. We drank last night so it didnt even come into my head to drink tonight especially knowing the baby would be feverish. (Which he already is)

He texted me before leaving work saying im getting some beers so i text back saying please dont. Course he did anyway, i asked him to atleast wait until hes in bed and settled but he just ignored me.

Aibu to ask him not to drink under these circumstances?

OP posts:
Gruntvsgunt · 25/09/2019 19:29

Not sure why he couldn’t have a few beers? He should still be able to look after baby should he need to.

littleorangecat22 · 25/09/2019 19:32

Why can't he have a drink? I think it's a bit controlling.

PurpleDaisies · 25/09/2019 19:34

Does the amount he drinks make him drunk?

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 25/09/2019 19:34

YABU. There is no harm on the face of it in him having done beer.

However, measuring out the nights you are drinking like this suggests one or both of you are overly invested in alcohol. That is something to have a think about.

SparklyMagpie · 25/09/2019 19:35

Hmm think yabu

lonelyinacrowd39 · 25/09/2019 19:36

No Yanbu to expect a fully awake , responsive partner to help out if baby were to become feverish and fractious tonight. If he is anything like my DH a few beers will have him snoring and you doing the lions share of the soothing of baby.

Span1elsRock · 25/09/2019 19:36

Needing to drink every night?

That's a problem.

Drogosnextwife · 25/09/2019 19:36

Unless he is getting completely rat arsed and can't look after the baby, I don't see the problem. What does "a few" mean in your house?

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 25/09/2019 19:38

Do you think you both have an unhealthy dependency on alcohol?

73Sunglasslover · 25/09/2019 19:39

I can't understand why having a couple of beers would be a problem. Can you explain why you think it is?

DelphiniumBlue · 25/09/2019 19:39

Give the baby some calpol.
Are you worried that dp won't be able to drive in an emergency? Or just that you will have sole responsibility for a fretful baby? I'd have thought dp should be able to manage a few beers and still deal with a baby. Is there a reason you think he won't be ok? Do you actually mean a lot of beer rather than 1 or 2?

Original poster
Emptyspacex · 25/09/2019 19:41

Ive seen 3 cans so far come out his work bag. Friday night he sat and drank 17 bottles of bud in a few hours. I only have a glass or 2 a week.
I just thought that maybe after drinking Friday and last night he might of given it a break tonight.

OP posts:
P1nkHeartLovesCake · 25/09/2019 19:42

I’m not really seeing your problem?

I’ve got 3 dc, I have a couple of glasses of wine (yes even if they have a big or fever) a couple of glasses I am not drunk, I can look after a child. Dh is drunk after a couple of beers

YABU

Love that we didn’t even get to page 2 before someone mentioned alcohol dependency 😂😂 Yes wanting a couple of beers must mean his a ragging alcoholic. Got to love mumsnet

Ithinkwerealonenowtiffany · 25/09/2019 19:42

Jeez chill woman. Let the bloke have a beer!

littleorangecat22 · 25/09/2019 19:43

He drank 17 bottles? That's not 'a few beers'.

Now I can see why you didn't want him to drink. Your OP made it sound like it was 2-3 beers, not a damn crate. Does he have an alcohol problem?

Rainycloudyday · 25/09/2019 19:44

17 bottles?!?!?!

Original poster
Emptyspacex · 25/09/2019 19:44

@Stayawayfromitsmouth
Are you for real? A glass or 2 a week is having an alcohol dependency?
You're mad.

OP posts:
pointythings · 25/09/2019 19:45

Does the 17 bottles thing happen a lot, OP? Because if it does, you have a problem.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 25/09/2019 19:46

From your update he has a problem with alcohol. You do not. I’m sorry you are dealing with this.

Original poster
Emptyspacex · 25/09/2019 19:46

Sometimes its 1 or 2 sometimes its 17..
Apparently you're only an alcoholic if you crave it in the morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emptyspacex · 25/09/2019 19:47

No 17 isn't a regular thing.
But hes just got out his 4th.

OP posts:
pointythings · 25/09/2019 19:50

Alcoholism is much more complex than that... Not being able to stop is a sign. Drinking excessively is a sign - and 17 bottles of beer would have most normal people in hospital. Being defensive about it is a sign.

You're right to be concerned. However, if he does have a drink problem (and it sounds plausible that he might), you are powerless to stop him and powerless to help him. The sooner you accept that, the better.

Bourbonbiccy · 25/09/2019 19:50

Before I heard the 17 bottles I thought

I don't see the big deal in him having a few drinks after work, if he wants to. I do however see a problem in the relationship, if you have asked him not to do something as you're slightly on edge about your child, and he completely ignores you - whatever that might be - that to me is a problem.

17 bottles in a couple of hours ?
I'm assuming this isn't your normal evening with him, how drunk is he after it ?

cravingmilkshake · 25/09/2019 19:55

My two month old had her jabs yesterday, dh and I are on our second glass of wine. Baby has been relentless all day, husband came in and swooped baby, allowed me to eat dinner, then we switched and now sharing a bottle!

Original poster
Emptyspacex · 25/09/2019 19:55

Thats exactly the issue. Its because hes still carried on regardless of the circumstances.
I tell him to stop over and over. He just calls me controlling.

OP posts: