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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him not to drink tonight?

55 replies

Emptyspacex · 25/09/2019 19:26

Myself and my partner usually have a few drinks together once or twice a week (me glass of wine and him a few beers). I specifically asked him not to drink tonight as our 1 year old has just had his jabs and hes usually feverish and clingy when he has them. We drank last night so it didnt even come into my head to drink tonight especially knowing the baby would be feverish. (Which he already is)

He texted me before leaving work saying im getting some beers so i text back saying please dont. Course he did anyway, i asked him to atleast wait until hes in bed and settled but he just ignored me.

Aibu to ask him not to drink under these circumstances?

OP posts:
Countrylifeornot · 25/09/2019 19:56

If he can't just not be an unhelpful twat for one night then you definitely have a problem.
If he's had a drink last night, and he won't not have a drink tonight then he has a problem.

JLo1979 · 25/09/2019 19:57

Daughter of a functioning alcoholic who died aged 59 from the abuse he put his poor body through.

Wanting a drink in the morning is not the only sign of being an alcoholic. Having to have that one drink a week and absolutely not being willing to give it up can also be sign.

There are so many signs to this terrible disease but when I saw 17 bottles at home on a Friday night, how was he still standing???

Also is he driving in the morning, if he keeps drinking then he will possibly be over the limit.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/09/2019 20:03

From just your op I was about to shout 'wtf. Yabu and controlling. No adult should be dictated to whether they have a beer or two or not.' But, then you mentioned 17 bottles! Woah. That's some serious drinking.

Original poster
Emptyspacex · 25/09/2019 20:05

I have no idea how hes was still standing.
It worries me but if i say anything im controlling, moaning and going on.
I dont mind a few 1 or 2 nights a week but i shouldn't have to beg him to stop.
He didnt drive the next day after friday but he will be tomorrow morning.
I think he's just had his last (4th).

OP posts:
Original poster
Emptyspacex · 25/09/2019 20:07

Its not the drinking tonight its just the circumstances. Like really tonight can you just not.

OP posts:
73Sunglasslover · 25/09/2019 20:10

I'm confused now. Is the issue that you think he drinks too much generally or that he won't not drink tonight? If he drinks 4 is he still functioning and able to help if needed? If not, what is the actual problem?

17 is a massive amount and is it binge drinking, but it's very different if it's a one-off versus regular.

Millie2016 · 25/09/2019 20:25

I think the fact that you asked him not to drink tonight and he did anyway tells you everything you need to know about his relationship with alcohol.
It’s more important to him then you are.

Whatevskev · 25/09/2019 20:30

He has a drink problem
You have a problem with him

SherbetSaucer · 25/09/2019 20:36

I think drinking mid-week is absurd anyway. Especially if you have children. I’ve never understood people that have a glass of wine/beer in the evening after work.

PurpleDaisies · 25/09/2019 20:44

I’ve never understood people that have a glass of wine/beer in the evening after work.

Really? Wine/beer tastes nice. In moderation it’s not a big deal.

Newsheet · 25/09/2019 20:45

Much pearl clutching here 😂

17 bottles of bud is about 10 pints. A bottle is only 330ml.

Lots of people can drink that on a Friday night, and there is nothing “absurd” about a midweek drink of someone fancies one

AliceAbsolum · 25/09/2019 20:45

Have you ever looked up al-anon?

tobedtoMNandfart · 25/09/2019 20:52

Uk guidelines for men is 6 pints of average strength beer (Bud is stronger) per week. So drinking 10 pints of strong lager in one night is a problem.
You have a DH problem. Sorry.

ErickBroch · 25/09/2019 20:53

He has a drinking problem, clearly. Not based on what you first said, but 4 beers a night and 17 on a weekend evening. It is an alcohol dependency.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/09/2019 21:01

Ops issue aside, I really disagree with posters saying 'if you ask him to not do something, he shouldn't do it.' What? When whatever they're doing has no impact on anyone else, like 4 beers wouldn't? I would hate to be in a relationship where someone told me what I was or wasn't allowed to do. That's bonkers. We're all adults.

tobedtoMNandfart · 25/09/2019 21:36

She's not telling him. She's asking him, with some justification.

Ithinkwerealonenowtiffany · 25/09/2019 21:41

@SherbetSaucer some people have a fag. Some do drugs. What’s absurd about having a drink midweek?

Newsheet · 25/09/2019 21:51

Some people need coffee every morning, and loads can’t function without sugar.

I eat healthy, and exercise regularly. BP good, weight good, cholesterol good etc.

I enjoy a few drinks servers times a week. I don’t tell overweight people who need a coffee every morning that they have a problem, so don’t see why anyone should feel the need to criticise my guilty pleasure of choice.

If I don’t want a drink for a month or a few months then I don’t. If I want a drink 7 evenings in a row one week then I will do so, and anyone who wants to tell me otherwise can jog on

Sidalee7 · 25/09/2019 21:54

Why is drinking mid week absurd?
When I get in from work one of my favourite things to do is have a glass of wine in a hot bath. It is such a treat. It’s unusual for me to have a second glass. That to me is fair less absurd than not drinking mon-fri and then binge drinking over the weekend.

Tippety · 25/09/2019 21:59

I'd find it worrying that he couldn't go one night without alcohol, if he feel he needs to have it that's very different from enjoying it, even if he had some every night.

Tippety · 25/09/2019 22:03

@arethereanyleftatall but it does affect other people, would you want someone who had had 4 beers helping you look after DC? I can't imagine if he is sat guzzling beer he is going to be much help, if he can't put his family first (OP said she's not usually bothered by it) then that's sad. I lived with an addict, and screw that. If he wanted to have some chocolate after dinner or something then it wouldn't affect anyone else, drinking does.

Newsheet · 25/09/2019 22:08

If he wanted to have some chocolate after dinner or something then it wouldn't affect anyone else, drinking does.

Rubbish.

There are many, many people who can have a couple of glasses of wine or a few beers and you wouldn’t have the first idea unless you had actually seen them drink them.

I tend to find those who get all righteous and preach about weekly limits, and the fact that people drink mid week, are often (not exclusively) the ones who consume way over the recommended calorie/fat/salt/sugar intake.

There is nothing wrong with a few drinks as and when someone fancies. Anyone who tried to tell them they can’t is controlling.

Imagine a post where someone said their husband was saying they couldn’t eat four bags of crisps a night. The same people would all be calling him an abusive and controlling twat.

OkayGo · 25/09/2019 22:10

Fucking 17?! What!!

arethereanyleftatall · 25/09/2019 22:47

Tippety. A person who can drink 17 beers is not going to be particularly affected by 4 beers. And no, I don't think 2 x 100% sober adults are needed to look after a sleeping toddler who's just had a routine jab.

Fweakout · 26/09/2019 06:08

You're all missung the point. OP haa the feeling that he wouldn't stop, or perhaps be able to stop, if she asked.

She asked and lo! he didn't.

She's a new mum who is a bit jittery about whether she's going to have one of those awful nights where you pace the floor with an out of sorts baby. Tired and wanting support.

It appeara from what she says that she knows 'drinking' is his evening leisure activity, between 4 and 17, she knows he is focusing on that. It's enough of a thing for them to have discussed it many times and him to need absurd justifications (I don't crave it in the morning).

He's an alcoholic.

This isn't a thread about personal freedom to enjoy yourself it's a new mum asking for support. My DH might have rolled his eyes at my preciousness but would have given up a small meaningless pleasure to support me. This guy won't.

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