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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel unfairly treated by another mother

27 replies

kmini · 25/09/2019 13:06

I know this is small world stuff, but am I wrong to feel a bit rubbish about all this or am I just being over sensitive and should get used to it.

There is a mother at school who is a super social organiser - obviously a wonderful thing overall and more than once I have been grateful for her organising things so that I can get to know other mothers.These have always been class wide invitations.

There is a ladies lunch next month at my son's school. However this mum has gone ahead before the lunch details were even announced and invited lots of mums to be on her table. She has picked a selection of mums from nursery and reception (and probably Grade 1 and 2). Its a small school (only 14 in my sons year) and there is only a couple of mum's left that i know could attend left.

I feel its quite inconsiderate to cherry pick amongst the mums. I feel like i'm back at high school and not been invited to go to one of the cool girl parties . Would be interested to know how this has made other people feel and how they dealt with it.

OP posts:

Drum2018 · 25/09/2019 13:11

Sounds like she's very insecure deep down - she had to get in first so she'd have her little minions gathered around her table. You don't need to be one of them. This will give you an opportunity to sit with other parents and get to know them. Steer clear of her as she sounds like Caroline from another thread - has to be centre of attention at all cost.

FrauHaribo · 25/09/2019 13:15

I'd be grateful someone is bothering organising anything, then I would decide if I fancy going or not. I can't gather the energy to care about various cliques frankly.

She organised, so she wants to be seated with her friends - or the ones she is more friendly with. Can't blame her. Join in or ignore would be the only advice I have.

BlingADingDing · 25/09/2019 13:17

It says more about her insecurities than yours.

AgentProvocateur · 25/09/2019 13:18

If you don’t like it, organise something yourself.

Henrysmycat · 25/09/2019 14:33

Decide if you want to go first.
If you do, meet the other “uncool” parents and ignore her and above all don’t get tangled in her insecurities.
@Drum2018 I thought we renamed her Cuntoline?

Drum2018 · 25/09/2019 14:36

*@Drum2018 I thought we renamed her Cuntoline?

Oops, I should pay more attention

Crazyoldmaurice · 25/09/2019 14:44

I'd just sit on her table and then get her to explain why you have to move, she'd sound ridiculous trying to explain that she'd arranged the seating plalln

Andysbestadventure · 25/09/2019 14:53

Why are you even letting it get to you? You're an adult ffs.

DelphicOracle · 25/09/2019 15:04

Id smuggle in booze and cocaine, and make sure the “other” table was the most fun one there

Cohle · 25/09/2019 15:09

It's a shame that you didn't make the cut but I don't think she did anything wrong by inviting her mates to make up a table.

If you still know a couple of mums who will be going then surely you'll have plenty of people to sit with? Treat it as an opportunity to make new acquaintances.

Ijustwanttoretire · 25/09/2019 15:10

Oh god, this is what my life was like when my youngest was at school - he's 23 now. There was a cow of a mother who obviously took a dislike to me - no idea why, never had much to do with her - and went around the playground and invited EVERY other mother to a night out. I was hurt (even though had I been asked I probably wouldn't have gone) but then thought - why am I bothered? I didn't particularly like her and socialised with very few of the mothers anyway (I prefer to pick my friends, not have them thrust upon me) and from that moment I just gave a smirk to myself when she went around the other mums. It was SO patently obvious she was trying to wind me up because she kept looking over to me. Bizarre!!!

Seeline · 25/09/2019 15:16

Has she actually organised this event?

If not I would contact the organiser and suggest it would be a great opportunity for everyone to meet new people. Everyone's names should go in a hat, and then draw lots for each table. Of course you risk ending up on a table with no one you like, but it would be worth it to see Supermum's face!

HennyPennyHorror · 25/09/2019 15:26

Is this a private school? I can't imagine a "ladies lunch" at a normal primary! It sounds hideous!

And I agree with Seeline

mumwon · 25/09/2019 15:29

@Seeline I love your style of course you suggest this innocently with head tilted -because you had NO idea she was doing this

FrauHaribo · 25/09/2019 15:47

I'd love to know what other mums who didn't make it to the host table would think about you picturing them as being "uncool", which is what your post suggests

Is this a private school? I can't imagine a "ladies lunch" at a normal primary! It sounds hideous!
why? There are coffees, lunch and evening drinks organised from time to time by other mums at my state school. I don't go because I am at work, but sounds like a good idea. No one has to attend.

ffswhatnext · 25/09/2019 15:56

What’s wrong with wanting to sit with people you consider friends?
Maybe some people asked to sit with her.

When I went to a few things like this I wanted to be with people I knew. Not with people simply because we had a child in the same class.

It also sounds like she has more than one child in the school. Or are friends outside the school.

formerbabe · 25/09/2019 15:57

The whole thing sounds hellish

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 25/09/2019 16:25

Sounds hideous to me! Are men genuinely not allowed to attend?

Howyiz · 25/09/2019 16:29

So you have a problem with her because she wants to sit with her friends and is more proactive than you? Would you have a problem with it if she had asked you to share her table?
Why don't you get up off your ass and organise something or even just get in touch with some of the other mom's and ask them to share a table?

Prettypumpkin · 25/09/2019 16:33

Sorry but yabu

CSIblonde · 25/09/2019 16:47

There's a seating plan!? Is she the organiser? Sounds awful & over formal . What the heck is wrong with showing up then sitting where you want.

StroppyWoman · 25/09/2019 16:48

I think I’m missing something. This is a school-linked social event and this woman booked a table for her and her friends?

Are you upset because you weren’t chosen or because you think she bagsied all the cool parents?

You are overthinking this, OP.

messolini9 · 25/09/2019 17:29

Why do you even care?
You don't mention that you are personally friendly with the Organiser Woman, so what's it to you where she sits & who sits with her?

Just go, & enjoy the company of whoever is on your own table.
Or don't go.
I genuinely cannot fathom why you have spent more than a nanosecond thinking about this.

KurriKurri · 25/09/2019 17:30

I think I'm missing something - has this woman organised a lunch and only asked certain people of which you are not one ?
Or has she asked everyone and asked certain people to sit with her at the 'important table' - wedding stylee ?

It all sounds very complicated - why can't people just sit where they like? Why can't people talk to people they don't know ?

My main concern would be 'is the food nice ?' and especially 'is there a pudding ?'

Star81 · 25/09/2019 18:48

I’m assuming it’s a school fundraiser ?

If so, it’s pretty normal for ladies lunch events to be set up in tables and you take a table for say 10 so if she’s been organised enough to sort this out it’s surely just to support the school ? She can’t have everyone at the same table so has probably just asked those she is closest to to her table ?

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