AIBU over DHs increasingly unhealthy lifestyle

[Namey32]

I am prepared to be told that IABU but would like some opinions as ultimately I'd like DH to live a long and healthy life with me, the DC and hopefully the DGC in time. However I accept that ultimately it's not up to me to 1. Parent my husband 2. Pester him to be more healthily, also he is not an unhealthy weight/shape and I may also be being swayed by MIL and SILs extremely healthy lifestyle - think clean eating, running etc.

DH has been smoking since we met, although has been 'giving up' at various points. He had some success for 2 weeks over Christmas once. He's tried all sorts of vapes etc but doesn't have much self control. He was asked by the midwife to give up when I was pregnant with DC1 but nothing happened there. I don't have high hopes for this time either (I'm pregnant with DC2).
To be fair to him, he doesn't smoke in the house or around me or DC and will go in the garden or along the road or smokes outside work. I can smell on him though, but I suppose that's neither here nor there.

His eating habits are getting worse. He's not a fan of 'healthy' food and left to his own devices would always opt for the junk food. He doesn't eat fruit and only eats veg in/with whatever I serve for dinner. He doesn't eat breakfast but for example will have a packet of biscuits mid morning. If I don't make him a packed lunch for work, he will go to the shop and buy a packet of sausage rolls (and something else - chocolate/sweets/biscuits etc) which is then lunch. He works shifts so often isn't home for tea. Sometimes I do cook properly and leave his in the fridge and he may well eat it, but then other times (at least once a week) will have a takeaway with the people at work.

My other concern is his energy drink intake - I'm very sure there are several being consumed per day. He tells me he only has one, but his car is full of empty cans - definitely more than 7 per day. Ultimately they're just caffeine and sweetener surely? His nod to 'healthy' is the 0 sugar ones.

He also does no exercise. All he does really is whatever walking we do at the weekend - that sometime is a long country walk but can just be pushing the pram to the park and around town.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting him to live on greenery and water. We do enjoy a chippy tea together at the weekend and we'll have a drink and some cake or chocolate or something in front of the TV at the weekend when DC is in bed but for DH it seems beyond a 'treat'.

I do try to keep him on the better choices e.g. at the weekend when we're both around I'll ask him what cereal he wants while I'm doing mine and DCs so all he needs to do is eat it, but AIBU in if I don't want to cook that night and me and DC have beans on toast for example, expecting him to have something other than a pack of doughnuts for tea? (He does not consider something on toast to be adequate dinner for him - but a pack of cookies or similar is fine).
AIBU in wanting DH to be a bit healthier without me having to patent him In the way I do with our toddler? Should I just leave him to it and accept that he's not going to be in a physical condition to travel the world in retirement as we had planned?? (We're early 30s now).

@GotRearEnded

Exactly, just double up your cooking 2/3x a week and then you can half your cooking time.

Have a strong chat with him and tell him how concerned you are.
My dh eats healthily, not much meat, plenty of fruit and veg BUT eats buckets of salty peanuts nearly every day and drinks too much. It's difficult.
If he's otherwise a good un I'd persevere.

I can’t imagine the posters who are saying ‘Leave him to it, he’s a grown adult!’ Etc. Of course he’s a grown adult but OP loves him and wants him to be around for her and her children. If she can help him to improve his health and lifestyle by making little changes that will also benefit herself and the children - small, easy, healthy changes like batch cooking - why wouldn’t she? Yes she’s an adult and she is married. When you get married you become a team. You help and support and care for each other. If you see your partner struggling or potentially harming themselves of COURSE you don’t just leave them to it. And no, you can’t force people to change but you can support and encourage and do it together. What a miserable bunch some of you are!

@GotRearEnded I just saw your message! I’d be happy to share my favorite batch cooking recipes - I’ve been batch cooking loads recently as I’m expecting a baby in a few weeks so I’m trying to make as much as physically possible before she arrives! So I’ve gathered quite a lot of easy and healthy recipes which have so far been delicious! (I’m no chef either - they’re just yummy recipes, nothing down to any talent on my part!) if you message me I can send you the links!

Fantastic thanks painauchoc84

This is completely unrealistic pain. The only person who can change his diet and lifestyle is him. OP can cook lentil bakes all she likes but if he’s not on board he’ll continue eating and drinking crap so it will make no difference.

Nagging someone to eat food they don’t want to is annoying and it doesn’t work.

You just sound quite young and naive tbh.

painauchocolat84
Sadly they're right though about him being an adult.
Friends of my parents have a similar problem. The DH eats crap, doesn't exercise, thinks he's fine because David in the village had a triple bypass and he "lives on lettuce (laughs to self about amazing wit 🙄). The reality is David has a normal healthy diet with everything in moderation and is prone to the odd pub tea and pint.
The DH will graze on snacks and regardless of what's in front of him at tea time he'll pick a bit or not be hungry. If she cooks steak and chips then he's suddenly able to eat a meal. When there's pudding he's suddenly hungry again.

His poor wife has told my mum she's at her wits end. She does loads of different healthy options that are hearty and substantial. Her DH hasn't changed. She comes to my mum upset and feeling undervalued that he doesn't care about her and the kids and doesn't appreciate her efforts
She suggests they go for a walk together, but he can't be bothered. She suggests they go swimming, but he doesn't do exercise. On the rare occasion they go anywhere he's makes a beeline for cafes and coffee shops where he can sit down and do nothing because he's just happy to be out. I've said it's probably to hide the aches and pains that come from decades of poor diet and sedentary living.

He's been like that as long as I've known them, at least a decade. He simply doesn't care and in the meantime his poor wife is running around trying to help nudge him into healthy changes. The longer it goes on, the more I think he's a selfish git.

Id like to say i was pretty much your husband, but instead of energy drinks it was coke,i would do 1.5lt everyday

I ended up in hospital back in April with a pancreatitis, followed up with a type 2 diabetes diagnosis!

With regards to smoking, i was doing 50g of tobaco in 2 and half days, roughly around 35 cigarettes a day, i decided i needed to quit but i didnt want to, what helped me was vaping,i know you said he has tried it, but what i did was use tobaco flavoured juices instead of fruity ones, i started vaping 3 months ago and havent had a smoke since!

I think what helped me the most with everything was a my type 2 diabetes diagnosis, it made me realise if i dont sort my lifestyle out, im gonna die young and it scared the shit out of me and i really shouldnt of let it get that far!

It may be worth pointing it re: the energy drinks that pilots are considered unfit to fly if they have had an energy drink in the previous 12 (or24, unsure) hours. (This is according to a friend with slight aircraft license). Also when my little nephew had open heart surgery aged 7, the surgeon went to great lengths to tell him that he must never, ever, have an energy drink. Coffee, yes. Coke, fine. But never an energy drink. He repeated this a few times on several occasions. My sister said he was most emphatic. It may be food for thought for him.

My husband lived a very similar diet with the additional fact that he became obese. Then needed to have a gastric band which has caused endless issues. The main issue for me was his addiction to energy drinks and coke. It's horrendous for your children to see an adult with this sort of addiction.More and more health problems have ensued and also the bizarre reality that one drug has a side effect so you're prescribed another and another.

What about changing one thing at a time OP?