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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want dh to get the chickenpox vaccine before dc is born?

78 replies

OlgaPolga45 · 23/09/2019 08:39

We’re currently expecting our first dc.

Dh has never had chickenpox. I want him to get the vaccine before dc is born; he thinks I’m being over dramatic.

My reasoning - chickenpox in adults is usually a much more severe illness, and his chance of catching it will surely increase once we have a child of our own (given the rate it spreads at among children).

Even if we vaccinate our own dc against chickenpox - which I will do as soon as they are old enough - his chance of coming into contact with a contagious child will surely be higher as a parent. E.g. soft play centres, class parties, play dates etc...

He thinks that if he hasn’t caught it yet, he must already have ‘sufficient immunity’. He has two siblings, both of whom had chickenpox at the same time, and he didn’t catch it from either of them (despite MIL’s best efforts), so reckons he’s already immune. I’d rather be safe and make sure.

AIBU?

OP posts:

OddBoots · 23/09/2019 08:41

I see why you want him to and in his shoes I would have the vaccination too but it is his body and his choice. All you can do is suggest it.

MustardScreams · 23/09/2019 08:44

I too would want him to have it, but you can’t force him to. Maybe look up examples of adults having it and show him how and it can be?

It could be that he’s immune, but Sod’s law says he’ll catch it when baby is newborn and it’ll be a bloody nightmare. Much better to just get the vaccine and be done with it,l.

Howlovely · 23/09/2019 09:16

My sister's GP recommended she get her youngest vaccinated if he hadn't caught it before going to school. CP is not always the mild illness people dismiss it as and it can be utterly dreadful for adults. It could be that he is immune but I think for peace of mind and £100 I would try to convince him to get it. Of course it is ultimately his choice though.

LunasOrchid · 23/09/2019 09:19

His body. His choice.

valentinoandme · 23/09/2019 09:22

An alternative could be getting him tested to see if he is immune. My DH has never had chicken pox. But when he was younger, he was in contact with 2 siblings and his dad who all had it. He didn't catch it when our 2 DC's had it either, so I'm guessing that he is immune

DoctorAllcome · 23/09/2019 09:22

There is a blood test you can have done to see if you are immune. It’s not uncommon for some people to have had CP as a child but with only one or two spots. My brother caught it as a baby and only had three spots on his tummy that my mother thought were bug bites.
I guess your DH could ask for the test to see if he is actually immune and then go from there. Right now, he is presuming he is immune and you are presuming he is not. That’s why you are disagreeing. So find out if he is immune or not.

hookiwooki · 23/09/2019 09:22

DH's sibling had chicken pox as a child and DH didn't catch it, and he spent time with ex-partner's children when they had it, and he still didn't catch it. When our DC had it he finally caught it.

He didn't itch, he was in pain. The pox hurt, his body hurt, he couldn't sleep, he ran a massive fever. He had them all over his penis and he cried when he peed because it stung. They were in his mouth and throat and he couldn't only manage soft food. It can last longer in adults and he was unable to work for 2 weeks. It cost us a fortune. And he has scars all over his face 6 months on which he finds really embarrassing.

Tell your DH to get the vaccine!

53rdWay · 23/09/2019 09:27

I would want him to as well. Chickenpox is awful for adults. But if he just doesn’t want to then you can’t make him.

DoctorAllcome · 23/09/2019 09:28

It’s also important to realize too that even if you have had CP or the vaccine, you can still come down with shingles when exposed to wild CP via your or other children. Shingles is the CP virus re-emerging and usually happens if you are physically run down (which exhausted parents can be). So either of you may still get sick, but shingles in an adult is not as bad as CP in an adult...it is like a milder case of CP.

JetPlanesMeeting · 23/09/2019 09:28

I am immune to chicken pox, was tested as part of working in the health authority. Both my siblings had it as children and my Mum even slept me in the same bed to get it over and done with (70s). I didn't get it.

Dh has had it twice, covered from head to toe, once as a child and again as an adult. I had to buy him a numbing cream due to him having them on his penis, his testicles, his eyelids, in his ears etc. Extremely painful and he was very unwell. It was awful to see him like that. This was before our children were born.

Both our children have had it but very mild doses, about 30 spots each, not at the same time. Ds1 was 11 months old and Ds2 was 3 years old.

You can't force him to have the vaccine but Dh would have rather had the injection than chicken pox. As he had such as bad case when he was little we didn't think he would get it again. Your Dh could catch it and then pass it onto your children.

tinkz92 · 23/09/2019 09:30

I never had chickenpox when I was a child but my two sisters did, so I thought I was immune then when my DS was 3, and I was 38 weeks pregnant, he caught chickenpox so I had to get my bloods checked and it showed that I wasn't immune so had to get the chickenpox vaccine and luckily I did not catch it :) I would recommend getting the vaccine, would rather be protected than itchy and ill lol

Winesalot · 23/09/2019 09:30

Maybe put it to him that if DC come down with CP you will really need two adults to look after them if they are little. And if he is not as immune as he believes you will then have that extra burden.

My own dd got it at 8 months old and it was horrible. If Dh was not around to help it would have been over a week of torture. Mine wouldn’t sleep without being held. She had cp everywhere!! EVERYwhere ....

recklessruby · 23/09/2019 09:32

Ultimately it's his choice.
However, a word of caution about so called immunity.....
I went through life believing myself to be immune (never caught it as a child even though 24 out of a class of 30 went down with it and my siblings also had it).
Fast forward to age 28 and my ds 8 and dd 2 caught it. You guessed it. I went down with it too.
Didnt have any complications but a horrible ill and itchy few weeks and worried about a friend who was pregnant at the time and so couldn't see her.
As one after the other in our family caught it the quarantine was LONG.
So immunity cant be assumed.

DoctorAllcome · 23/09/2019 09:32

I think you can get this via NHS as this is UK site. I found this web page saying that a Surgery could request a test for an NHS lab to do
labs.gosh.nhs.uk/laboratory-services/microbiology-virology-and-infection-control/tests/varicella-zoster-virus-contact-immunity-assessment

WifeofDarth · 23/09/2019 09:34

We had the same situation I our family, dh hadn't had cp. Dc had it when he was away (conveniently) so he escaped that time. When we had another dc I had baby vaccinated. Dh finally went to GP, she said that she wasn't sure if vaccine was available for adults but we didn't need to investigate that as it turned out he had antibodies already. Knowing this has been a huge weight off my mind as I've heard how awful adult CP is.

ChilledBee · 23/09/2019 09:35

I reckon he's probably immune.

I'm pro vaccine and both myself and DC have had all the recommended vaccines for here and where we have travelled abroad. DH didn't have many as a child but has caught up now. However, I don't get why the chicken pox vaccine is becoming more routine. My mother sees Measles similarly to how I see CP. Most kids she knew (including her) had it and got over it just fine. Now people (particularly in Aus and the US) see CP how we see measles now: a potential killer for even the healthy. It doesn't make me feel differently about vaccination but it does make me think not all anti-vaxxers are completely mad.

berlinbabylon · 23/09/2019 09:35

How does he know he hasn't had it? I ahd it when I was 3, and I only know because my mum told me. DS had it when he was about 18 months, and only knows because we've told him.

DH had it when he was about 25 so obviously can remember.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Slapped cheek disease can affect pregnant women and I had not even heard of it until ds was 3 and we both got it. And there's no vaccine for that. Your kids are far more likely to catch it from other kids than from your DH.

HavelockVetinari · 23/09/2019 09:36

Yikes, get him vaccinated! It's sooooo not worth the risk of him getting it as an adult. If you can afford the £120 then do it.

horse4course · 23/09/2019 09:37

He ultimately gets to choose but should compare risks of both options.

I had shingles a few years back (pre kids) which gave DH chicken pox (he thought he had it as a kid but obviously not). Both illnesses were horrendous and lasted weeks.

How could a jab not be preferable to breaking out in sores all over, weeks of pain and possibility of infertility, hearing loss etc? Not to mention scarring.

ChilledBee · 23/09/2019 09:37

@HavelockVetinari

Sounds a little like you're talking about a stray cat.

Osirus · 23/09/2019 09:40

It’s £140 at Boots (or £75 each jab).

It’s so easy to do, and worth it. Chicken pox nearly killed a member of my family as a child, so I had my DD vaccinated.

Teddybear45 · 23/09/2019 09:41

Chicken Pox is a virus and therefore constantly mutating. If he’s relying on immunity rather than anti-bodies then it’s possible the virus now is mutated enough to get him - this has happened to multiple people in my family recently. Immune to the virus in Asia / india, then get it very badly in another country

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 23/09/2019 09:44

Chickenpox is horrid in adults. He should get it for himself!!

WonderWomansSpin · 23/09/2019 09:47

I don't know any adult who has had the vaccine and the NHS doesn't recommend it unless there are special circumstances so I'm very surprised at the responses on this thread.

MadeleineMaxwell · 23/09/2019 09:48

I'd never had CP, DH had as a child. We both got it, pre-DC, in our 30s. It was nasty, took us both out for 2 weeks+. I also have psoriasis and the pox on psoriatic skin is excruciating, let me tell you.

DS had it when he was 3, didn't even slow him down for more than an afternoon.

So yes, I would personally recommend testing/vax but you can't force an adult to do it if they don't want. Might be worth considering who'll be looking after whom for how long if he does catch it, though.

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