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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

aibu-drinking too much?

36 replies

ataloss25 · 22/09/2019 18:53

hello, regular user but Iv name changed.

So usually twice a week my OH drinks alcohol in the house while watching football.

I think he drinks far too much however if I ever question it he says I'm wrong and unreasonable. am I????

today he had (over 3.5 hours)

10 x 440ml cans of cider
1 x 440ml can of Guinness
1 x 440ml can of belhaven (this is 3.5% which he refers to as 'non alcoholic')

he often conceals how much he has had to drink by hiding the empty cans/bottles so there is a possibility he has had more than this today.

when I say its far too much and he's drunk, he argues that he's not and that it's the equivalent of going out for 4 pints!!!??

its horrible as we have very young DC and I don't want them to be exposed to this. :-(

He becomes loud and annoying and if I say or do something he doesn't like he will sometimes turn abusive and start bringing up old issues/arguments.

anyway, do other men drink like this? is this normal?

for reference he is a big guy, not fat but over 6ft.

iv also noticed that whenever we go out anywhere and he is having a drink its to excess. He always has to have a drink in each hand the whole time and seems incapable of only having a few/not getting drunk.

its really starting to get me down. but then he twists what my argument is and makes out that I'm unreasonable as it's only when the football is on and he rarely goes out (his choice).

OP posts:
painauchocolat84 · 22/09/2019 18:56

Normally I think people are a bit ridiculous about alcohol on Mumsnet (claiming literally everyone has a problem) but really this IS a lot! And I don’t think it’s normal

painauchocolat84 · 22/09/2019 18:58

Although actually I guess it probably does add up to many pints 🤔 and if it is just once or twice a week, maybe it’s not so bad? But it sounds like his behaviour is a problem when he drinks this much

SamBeckett · 22/09/2019 18:58

YANBU that is a hell of a lot to drink even over a couple of days let alone 3.5 hrs.
He needs to cut right down for his own and yours and DCs sake.

painauchocolat84 · 22/09/2019 18:59

*doesnt add up to many pints, that was meant to say!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/09/2019 19:01

Each can is nearly a pint so that equates to about 10 pints

ataloss25 · 22/09/2019 19:03

yeah I worked it out as being around 10 pints which to me is a lot

OP posts:
ataloss25 · 22/09/2019 19:04

he just constantly minimises how much it is and how its normal

OP posts:
Parmavioletgin1 · 22/09/2019 19:04

Blimey that's loads!
Does he drive the next day after that much alcohol? It will likely take over 20 hours for that much to be processed & out of his system.
I would say that drinking that quantity plus having a drink in each hand when out plus hiding quantities suggests he has a real problem.

ataloss25 · 22/09/2019 19:07

no he is very careful with driving the next day etc.

but yeah the two drinks thing is really ridiculous. if he has a wine, he also has a beer with it etc.

and it's a nightmare when we're at someone's house and I want to leave, its always 'in half an hour' etc, we can never just leave :-(

OP posts:
SamBeckett · 22/09/2019 19:17

From what I can remember men are not meant to drink more than 6 pints of average strength beer a week. So he is drinking more than 3x the recommended amount,
Now while I know some gov recommendations are a bit over the top ( 7 portions of fruit / veg a day anyone ? ) he is going way to far especially if he is hiding more. And the fact that he thinks 3.5% is alcohol free is just daft .

ataloss25 · 22/09/2019 19:33

yeah he really annoys me with that comment about it being 'basically non alcoholic'

OP posts:
OneHanded · 22/09/2019 19:33

He must be peeing like a firehose 😳

BogglesGoggles · 22/09/2019 19:37

It’s not normal to be drunk that often. Nor is it normal to be unable to drink without getting drunk. Both are signs of controlled alcoholism.

MereDintofPandiculation · 22/09/2019 19:54

Both are signs of controlled alcoholism. As is hiding the empties. He knows he is drinking too much.

Harriett123 · 22/09/2019 20:14

Yeah that is alot to drink in an afternoon watching sports. My DP is also over 6 ft and if hes watching a game or some thing he might have between 2 and 4 cans of beer or cider.
Dont get me wrong we have evenings out where we drink more but drinking alone (especially getting drunk) is also a sign of alcoholism

Didntwanttochangemyname · 22/09/2019 20:14

He may be over 6ft but that is too much.

Fantababy · 22/09/2019 20:18

That is a lot. My DH would be drunk after 4 cans!

The problem is getting him to stop, which is probably something you can't control, it's something he'll have to do himself.

ataloss25 · 22/09/2019 20:30

thank you for the replies.

it's nice to see that I'm not wrong in being worried about this.

he makes out that it's me that's wrong and that I'm having a go for no reason

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 22/09/2019 20:33

10 pints (or thereabouts) in 3.5 hours is shocking.

I'm a pretty hardy drinker as well !

Fleetheart · 22/09/2019 20:38

The definition of an alcoholic is “is alcohol causing problems in your life”, sounds like his drinking is driving a big wedge between you two and his behaviour while drinking

Fleetheart · 22/09/2019 20:38

Is very unreasonable.

ataloss25 · 22/09/2019 20:39

he drinks really quickly.

when out in social settings he says he matches everyone else but I really don't think that's the case!

and I never see others with two drinks at once, but he always has an answer and excuse when I question it

OP posts:
Fleetheart · 22/09/2019 20:39

Sorry! Meant to say that you obviously can’t dictate what he drinks but you can say to him it’s not working for you and you don’t want your life together to be like this. His answer will tell you what you need to know.

notsohippychick · 22/09/2019 20:40

I’m a recovering alcoholic and I’m sorry to say I think your husband has a problem. It doesn’t matter if he only drinks that volume twice a week, it’s a lot. The other red flag is the behaviour around his drinking. Hiding cans, the denial, drinking beer and wine at the same time. It’s all very typical of someone who has a problem.

I’m not sure what to suggest going forward but he is clearly not wanting to address this. But please think about yourself and your kids. Xxxxx

SavageBeauty73 · 22/09/2019 20:41

That's an outrageous amount for 3.5 hours. Definitely warning signs there's a problem.

I drink a lot and those levels seem loads.