I have been asked to be a godparent but I'm not religious

[Inadilemmahelp]

Name changed as DFriend who I am about to talk about is on here and knows my regular username.

DFriend is my best friend of 20 years, since we were at primary school. She got married a few years back and has recently had her first child.
She is very religious and though I'm not, I have always respected her beliefs (not something we really talk about though, although she knows I'm not really religious- i was brought up in a religious family though so used to go to church with her and her family until i could make the decision for myself not to)

Now the dilemma: she has asked me to be godmother to her DC. I consider myself to be an atheist, and would feel wrong standing up there and being named as godmother when I don't even believe in God. However, I am her closest friend and I know how much it would mean to her.
AIBU to say I can't?

Not at all unreasonable. It would be wrong for you to stand up in church and promise to help the child develop their faith, when you don’t believe.

Tell your friend that you would love to be an honorary auntie, you just can’t be a godparent.

I'd just see it as akin to being asked to be santa clause at the christmas fair.

DH had the same request. He politely declined as he couldn’t promise any of the religious stuff.

I wouldn’t do it, i couldn’t promise to help bring a child up in a religion I don’t believe in.

That being said, I have three godmothers, and the Atheist one is by far my favourite!

Technically it would be insulting to god to go up there and swear anything in his name when you don't believe in him. So she would basically be encouraging that blasphemy. I don't think she'd want to do that if she realised.

I'd say I would always be there for her and get little one,on my word. But that it would be disrespectful to her and her beliefs and her god to go through any kind of godmother ceremony.

It's not unreasonable at all, especially if the family are religious (as opposed to people who are religious for christenings and weddings but that's it).

Could you have a chat with her and say (if this is the case), you're more than touched at being asked, but not being of faith you're happy to sign up to love and guide DC and support the family, but you don't want to feel you're making a promise on religious instruction that you can't fulfil. Then see what she says about it. If the religious element is key to her then she has the opportunity to thank you and find someone else, but if she wants to acknowledge you as a general trusted guiding figure then she can still say she's happy with it.

I was in this scenario a few years ago. I made it clear I was hugely touched to be asked but couldn't do it. I do however regard the child as a little bit more to me than his brothers and when he was little I was his 'fairy godmother'. I would couch it in terms of not wanting to be disrespectful. It's not remotely like dressing up as santa. No adult believes santa is real, billions of adults do believe in a god and to make serious vows within a religion that you absolutely do not believe and have no intention of keeping would be wrong. I hope your friend understands.

I would politely decline.
I have been on the other side and picked godparents who share our faith and could mean the promises they made in front of church to my baby.

I have twice refused to be a godparent. I'm not religious and do not believe that it is a parents decision to make.

Not unreasonable.

You'll be asked to denounce the devil and everything evil.

I'm had this a while back and asked my friend what her expectations were. And then proceeded. Having also,first checked with the vicar

I would decline, I wouldn’t even be willing to attend the christening personally as they’re not something I support for children.

If you don't believe in God, how can it be insulting? Surely you can't insult something that doesn't exist?

Ask what the expectations are as she clearly wants you have a role in her child's life. If you are not comfortable with a religious role, perhaps you could be the child’s ‘odd parent’ instead?

My DS godfather is my BIL who is not religious. We chose him as we wanted a down to earth straight talking role model for our son. Interestingly our godparents are not our DS named guardians should anything happen to me or DH. They may have been but things change and people have their own family/move away etc
If you feel strongly then you can politely decline but your friend may wish to have a not so religious role model for her DC

@SimonJT hysterical much?

Oh for goodness sake. Of course you would be unreasonable. It’s simply a gesture and you’d be horribly rude to refuse - what’s your reason for refusing? If you celebrate Christmas or Easter then I think you would be very unreasonable. Nobody’s asking you to do much.

I've been asked recently as well.
I politely declined and explained the reason.

my friend was very understanding. I happy to be an 'aunty' of sorts. almost like a god parents, just without the church.

I have been in this position 3 times and have 3 splendid godless children. Each time, I sat with the parents and made sure they were absolutely clear about my concerns. We agreed that I
would be a role model in ways non religious. The next step was that they talked it over with their cleric to make sure it was an option. Each service was different (Catholic, Church of Scotland, Church of England). The CofS pastor was a delight, met me and treated me with warmth. The Catholic priest was ancient but welcoming. The CofE service was pretty happy-clappy and left me on the side lines, which suited me fine. Your friend has known you a long time and clearly thinks you can fulfill a role in the life of her child that nobody else can. Embrace it.

A church near me won’t let people that haven’t been christened themselves be Godparents so that could be your get out card if need be

Who not ask if you can be the guide parent rather than godparent?

Presumably she knows you are not religious and should therefore respect you can't fulfil the religious aspect, but you can do the other stuff.

I was religious, my son godmother is an atheist. From my point of view it is more like a honorary position, I trust she will put my son’s best interests first if something happens to me, but I don’t expect her to carry any religious duties or fully replace me if I die. I just wanted to make her a honorary member of my family because she has been there for me, more than any close relative has.

I would have been offended if she had declined, I’m sure would know by then that I didn’t care at all about her lack of religious beliefs.

I have previously declined, though in my case because I am pagan rather than atheist. I do celebrate Yule around Christmas and the pagan version of Easter, but I would be very uncomfortable making the promises required by godparents

I would say that you have looked at the promises you will be asked to make and that you can't in all conscience promise those things. If she is religious and takes that seriously, she should understand that. But I would definitely also say that you are honoured to have been asked and that you would love to be an honorary 'god' parent to her child.

I've declined to be godparent twice for this reason.

I have gone to the celebration though with a gift, but not the ceremony in the church.