Asking my partner to sell up ..

[Vivian88]

Sorry if this is long! Il try keep it briefish.
Partner & i have been together almost 5 years .. he has 2 kids who live with their mum I have a dd (4) who lives with us (he’s brought her up as his own)
Basically we live in his 2 bed flat which is his we’ve lived here for about 4 years. I really want him to sell up & us find somewhere bigger together thts ours with a garden. He says he wants to as well but concerned about selling up as he’s had the flat for over 10 years as wev been having a few rows lately. In my mind it’s because wev outgrown this place and I’m really unhappy living here now. I desperately want to move for space and garden for the kids ideally have a 3rd bedroom. He’s scared if we split up he’ll be left with no where to live as I have my dd il keep the house. I’ve explained thts not how it would work anythin is a risk in life. We just have to try work things out. Am I being unreasonable to want him to sell so we can have somewhere together? He said he won’t sell until we are not rowing as much but I don’t think we’ll be better until we move and have more Space! Sometimes I feel it would b easier to go find somewhere on my own :(

He said he won’t sell until we are not rowing as much but I don’t think we’ll be better until we move and have more Space!

This has alarm bells ringing all over the place for me. He’s absolutely right not to buy with someone he’s not getting along very well with. I can understand that you want him to provide a better life for you and your daughter, but really the only person that should be doing that is you.

Are you paying rent to him now?

After your last update I think your relationship has run its course anda breakup is imminent.

There's no way I could live with someone who didn't have the same financial expectations as myself.

If I were you I'd start making plans to get your own place and become financially independent.

Taking on a new home that will undoubtedly cost a lot more should not even be on your radar right now.

I would be worried about tying yourself to him via a joint mortgage going by your updates.

He might like to pretend he owns a flat and has security which he doesn’t want to give up for you, but I’m finding it a bit bullshitty. He is really just a glorified renter. In ten years he hasn’t made anything of the opportunity shared ownership is meant to give by increasing his share, paying off more, etc.

He also hasn’t saved significantly it sounds like so he isn’t financially better then you who has managed to save £7k. And he isn’t that committed to the relationship. I can see why you are annoyed but I would also be very wary.

Someone who's not good with money, is the last person you want to be linked to financially. Also, finances are one of the biggest causes of relationship breakdown.

The equity is not that weird. I lost 15k on a house I owned for over ten years.

That aside, this is no different than any two people getting a property together. There's always risk but people do it all the time. He needs to man up

That aside, this is no different than any two people getting a property together. There's always risk but people do it all the time. He needs to man up.

That’s terrible advice. The op is free to leave if she wants but to tell someone to “man up” and financially commit to someone when they’re not totally sure and rowing a lot is madness.

Hi OP

I can see both sides..it doesnt sound practical at the moment but buying a house together when things arent going well is not sensible either.

I know it didnt work out with renting once but I would try it again and do some extra vetting around tenants and references etc. And rent somewhere bigger for a while. Or try counselling together as it sounds like he thinks there are some bigger unresolved issues between you