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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this man creepy?

46 replies

halloumi2019 · 22/09/2019 12:12

In Birmingham around the vicinity of Primark/Zara/Bullring entrance there’s those people that stop others in the street in an attempt to get them to sign up to something/donate. The same male keeps bothering me and I feel uncomfortable - am I overreacting?

The first time earlier this week, he approached me and I carried on walking. He started to follow me and stand in front of me, to which I asked him to leave me alone.

The next day he called out ‘oi legs’ and said ‘you look like trouble, very very naughty’. I told him to fuck off, he again continued to follow me as I walked off and he made a comment to the effect of ‘wow, you don’t want to help homeless people? What is wrong with you?’

Today he approached me again and I continued to walk away. He then said ‘why do you always look so angry, you’ll never get anywhere in life with a face like that’. (I wanted to retort but I just left it.)

I don’t know what potential charity he works for to complain to his employer. I have shown 0 interest in him/whatever he’s bothering people about and have already asked him to leave me alone but he’s persistent and keeps commenting on my appearance, I’m sick of it.

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 22/09/2019 12:17

Find out which charity he's working for (shouldn't be too difficult) and complain to them. This is harassment although I don't think I have to tell you that!

Howdidido · 22/09/2019 12:20

Charities have codes of conduct. And one of the rules is that they are not allowed to pursue you if you say no. So you should report him.
Some people are just dicks. He shouldn't be working in that job!

keepingbees · 22/09/2019 12:24

Find out his name and charity and report him. I would also be tempted to discretely have my phone filming next time I walked past.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 22/09/2019 12:26

I always say I already donate. This worked well until one of them said great and gave me a big bear hug. I’m NOT a hugger.

This is proper creepy though. Ask him what charity he works for. He will probably take this as “ha she is interested” but stand firm and say if you harass me any more I will be reporting you to your employers.
Be prepared for him to be all “you think I’m interested in you hahaha why would I be interested in you, get over yourself type comments”.

Thingsdogetbetter · 22/09/2019 12:26

If it's not visible which charity he's trying to get you to sign up for - on clipboard, jacket etc - then it's more likely he's just begging and pretending it's for charity. The charity panhandles with clipboards can only sign you up, they can't ask for cash donations on the spot. The one's with tins for money aren't allowed ask or even rattle the tins in a public place. Both must be clearly identifiable! His aggressive attitude suggests just begging, no charity would be happy with that tactic. I'd suggest 101 and report aggressive begging to police as it's unlikely you're the only woman he's targeting. Or an equally aggressive "fuck off you twst" if you're brave enough.

Thingsdogetbetter · 22/09/2019 12:28

twst = twat, obviously lol

Funghi · 22/09/2019 12:29

Doesn’t every city have a few of these? Ignore him like the 1000s of other people do.

Butchyrestingface · 22/09/2019 12:30

Are there other people wearing the same garments as him in the area?

If so, approach one of them and find out what charity he works for then report.

YouJustDoYou · 22/09/2019 12:42

Doesn’t every city have a few of these? Ignore him like the 1000s of other people do

And thusly teaching him he is absolutely fine to speak to people like that, that it's ok to harrass a woman, that there are zero consequences to being an aggressive pig.

halloumi2019 · 22/09/2019 12:43

@funghi HmmI have been ignoring him, but that clearly isn’t working as he’s following me, constantly commenting on my appearance and being rude? That isn’t normal and something I should just put up with

Unfortunately I have no idea what charity he works for or if he actually does. I have been avoiding eye contact and power walking away, so haven’t really looked at him properly to clock a name/branding. He has colleagues though, on the first occasion one of them approached me first then he came over.

Hopefully I won’t see him again but if I do, I’ll definitely film him and try to figure out the charity.

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athenagoddessofwar · 22/09/2019 12:47

Yep, complain to the charity if possible. Addressing someone as 'legs' is disgraceful. Hopefully the charity will agree that someone like that isn't doing them any favours

Sagradafamiliar · 22/09/2019 12:49

What a cunt. I bet he doesn't harass men in the same way.

SnuggyBuggy · 22/09/2019 12:49

I've cut back massively on what I donate to charity because I dont like their behaviour. People should vote with their feet.

Funghi · 22/09/2019 12:51

He sounds like your typical city crazy person.

I had one that followed me all the way to my office and waited outside because he believed I’d stolen his guitar pick. His guitar was a tennis racket.

HennyPennyHorror · 22/09/2019 12:53

He won't be working directly for the charity but for a fundraising company who represent the company.

PumpkinP · 22/09/2019 13:12

Don’t they all do this?! One approached me the other day all smiley and I said “I’m sorry I...” and before I even finished my sentence she stormed off in a huff, I find them very rude tbh.

Binglebong · 22/09/2019 13:14

You say he has colleagues, try to clock one of them to see which charity it is. They are meant to wear tabards showing the charity. They should also have a team leader there so you can ask to speak to them if you feel brave enough to talk to a colleague.

Most of these companies are a third party so complaining directly to a charity gets them in the shit. They can lose the contract if they allow it to happen.Well worth doing! Some work directly for the charity and they too would be pretty pissed.

The final thing you can get is that they have to get permission from the local council to be there. If the council gets complaints they will stop allowing it and the charity will br told why. Some places already have a complete ban on chuggers but if they are being a nuicense they can be chucked off their pitch mid session.

Good luck and please don't put up with. They wouldn't do it to a six foot six rugby player and don't have the right to do it to you.

halloumi2019 · 22/09/2019 13:15

That’s so different though, I would be happy if they left me alone, rude/huffing or not, instead this creep keeps following me and making weird comments.

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PhilSwagielka · 22/09/2019 14:20

I'd complain to the charity. And I agree with @Binglebong, they wouldn't do it to you if you were a dirty great man.

Being rude to people is not going to make them donate. I have fibromyalgia and I sleep during the day. I had some dickhead chugger answer my door when I was in bed and I came out in a dressing gown. He asked me why I was wearing it, I explained I was in bed, he asked why, I told him I had fibro. I should have said I was having a threesome or something. Also, another arsehole kept blocking my way when I was trying to get past him in the city centre, and I nearly had a meltdown, it freaked me out.

SnuggyBuggy · 22/09/2019 14:32

I'm not trying to condone violence but I'm amazed there haven't been any incidents of chuggers being assaulted by members of the public. They are annoying as fuck.

UnderperformingSeal · 22/09/2019 14:44

Take his photo on your phone every time he does it. Even if you then do nothing with the photos the mere threat of being reported might make him stop.

fantasmasgoria1 · 22/09/2019 15:04

A few years back I was in the city centre shopping on my day off and a man from a charity approached me. I said no thank you and tried to walk on. He then jumped in front om me and I mean jumped and waved his hands in my face and told me that I needed to take notice of him and donate to his charity. I somehow managed to walk away and he carried on cat calling me until I was really far from him. I have a mental illness and my anxiety levels soared. I couldn't remember the charity name but they had a logo. I searched through charity logos on the Internet and found it. I e mailed them and made a complaint. They were very good and identified the man, said he had been disciplined and will be closely supervised for 3 months. They mailed me to ask if I felt that was reasonable as they could take other steps but I said I was glad he had been disciplined and they apologised again and that was it! This however seems much creepier, please try and get a look at the logo and see if you can identify it.

halloumi2019 · 27/09/2019 18:22

So he approached me again, immediately being weird. I was holding my umbrella whilst walking, he started shouting things like ‘oi’ and bending down beneath my umbrella/crouching on the floor and waving

I took your advice, started filming him and asked him to leave me alone. He became defensive and tried covering his face/lanyard but I filmed enough to figure out who he works for!

To be fair he was sort of apologetic after I explained why he was making me feel uncomfortable, now I feel a bit hesitant to report his behaviour to his employer? He tried to play it off as a ‘misunderstanding’

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WorraLiberty · 27/09/2019 18:27

You told him once to 'go away' and once to 'fuck off'.

There was no misunderstanding. He was trying to grind you down so you'd eventually sign up and he'd get his commission.

Report him and complain on Twitter if you have an account.

Itsallgonewoowoo · 27/09/2019 18:30

Yes, report him. It wasn't a one off and it was clear you had no interest.hes only sorry now he's been filmed. Stop him doing it to someone else.

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