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AIBU?

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Original poster

To do joint parties

43 replies

TreaclePumpkin · 21/09/2019 21:30

DS1 (almost 3) and DS2 (almost 1) have their birthdays just shy of two months apart. This year, they are having separate parties and it feels like I have to work on the second one before the first one has even happened. It's doable, but it's also a bit of a faff/time consuming (and of course, costs money we could spend on more sensible things perhaps - though the money isn't really an issue).

So, in the years to come, WIBU to just do a joint party for them? For the sake of fairness I'd try to do it in the middle - so not on either one's actual birthday (a month late for DS1 and a month early for DS2).

My sister and I have birthdays a similar distance apart and I'm not sure I would have been impressed with joint parties - but I can't really remember my birthdays - so perhaps that's the answer - it just doesn't matter in the long run.

If I could go back in time I probably would have skipped DS1's second birthday, then I wouldn't do one for DS2 next year either - I've made a rod for my own back. Hmm

OP posts:
tellamewhasyouflava · 21/09/2019 21:34

2 months apart? How elaborate are these parties?!

scittlescatter · 21/09/2019 21:37

If within a couple of weeks then fine. 2 months apart is rediculous though.

What are you doing for these parties that is so elaborate and stressful? What's wrong with tea for a few friends, a couple of party games and a cake?

chillandrelax · 21/09/2019 21:56

Could work this year as the one year old won't even know it's his birthday. I have two In the same month with a 4 year age gap and have never considered a joint party.

Leeds2 · 21/09/2019 22:03

I wouldn't do a joint party for children wit birthdays two months apart. I suppose you could get away with it his year, when they are 1 and 3, and next year, when they are 2 and 4 but I really wouldn't after that.

Countrylifeornot · 21/09/2019 22:06

Anything over 2 weeks apart you can't throw a joint party for.... Its the actual law and you'll get arrested

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 21/09/2019 22:09

I think you'd be better off scaling back the parties so that you can do individual ones but without getting stressed out

Cherrysherbet · 21/09/2019 22:09

The point of a birthday party is to celebrate their birthday??? A bit pointless to do it so long after/before. I think this is for your benefit, and not theirs.

underthebridgedowntown · 21/09/2019 22:09

Or don't do parties for either of them?? I think you could get away with it at this age, but not once they're at school

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 21/09/2019 22:12

Blimey. 2 months!?
Just do alternate years.

TORDEVAN · 21/09/2019 22:12

YABU, won't be many years until they're too grown up for a party!

Darbs76 · 21/09/2019 22:14

I don’t see anything wrong with it - I’ve been to many parties like that. They are small, they don’t mind when the party actually is

NearlyGranny · 21/09/2019 22:18

No, they're too far apart! Our twins had joint parties up to age 8, then separate until they voted for mixed again at 16 when the boys and girls wanted to get together!

pointythings · 21/09/2019 22:21

I think it depends on the type of party. If it's a big do which is expensive, then having a joint party is fine with that age gap, at least while they're young primary age. My two are 2 years and 15 days apart and always had separate parties - except the time when we had a big softplay do where we had the place to ourselves, and the time when we had a pool party. It was great, everyone loved it.

The rest of the time we had separate things.

Original poster
TreaclePumpkin · 21/09/2019 22:27

@Countrylifeornot  GrinGrinGrin

@Cherrysherbet - you are 100% right. And when you put it like that, I feel silly for even considering it. Can I blame permanent sleep deprivation?

Fair enough all - IWBU. 'Twas just a thought, that I shall now banish to the recesses of my mind! I think this year has just felt a bit much because we did DS2's christening last month, so will have had 3 events in the space of 4 months. But we will just have the birthdays in future years, of course. 

FWIW, they aren't super elaborate (compared to one's I have been to). But still usually involves the hire of a hall (which needs booking well in advance to secure the date needed), organising the catering, entertainment etc, personalised/custom decorations (eg down to the water bottle labels - probably need to pull back on that).

We have had parties at home before too, but we don't have a lot of space and can't really open out into the garden for winter birthdays.

Whilst the number of kids that come to DS1s birthdays is probably no more than about 15, we do come from big families, so lots of (adult) aunts/uncles/cousins usually come by too.

I think perhaps after DS1s first birthday, we'll just start scaling back a bit, eg maybe with just people who have children of similar ages coming (and only really close family members).

OP posts:
CheshireDing · 21/09/2019 22:33

I have one child’s birthday in October then one in November. It would never have crossed my mind to do a joint party.

Although I do think a party for little ones is a bit pointless and as you said the money could have been spent elsewhere.

The rule in our house is no actual party until you’re 5, seems to work so far.

DC3 has got a wait to go yet 😂

CharityConundrum · 21/09/2019 22:35

Ignore the naysayers OP- my two are nearly 3.5 years apart and I threw them a joint party this year! It was 5 months after my youngest son's birthday, but he didn't care. I probably won't do it again, but it's worth a try while they are young enough to not notice too much!!

aintnutinchanged · 21/09/2019 22:36

My 2 have just under 4 weeks in between their birthdays I managed joint parties for a few years but now there is nooooo chance they would consider it now they are so different from each other

user1493494961 · 21/09/2019 22:36

Of course you can't do a joint party when their birthdays are two months apart.

MrsRufusdog789 · 21/09/2019 22:38

@TreaclePumpkin
I think the parties you plan are quite a big thing to organise for two separate occasions .
I had just the one DD to consider and our home was much too small to have a party there . So it was Church Hall with bouncy castle one year - clown / magician the next - Mini disco / etc .etc. Till she was old enough to just want a few friends rather than her whole class at the village school. Then it became a lot easier . I think I would have done a joint party had I had two children same age as yours . No wonder you are feeling a bit of pressure . It's a lot to organise in duplicate.

PooWillyBumBum · 21/09/2019 22:40

If you’re hiring a hall I wouldn’t do a joint party but what about both on one day on a weekend in between their birthdays?

Have the hall for 6 hours - 2 hrs for first party, 1 hr to prep for next then another party. You’ll be knackered but all organising etc will be in one go, they can have different age groups and you can buy the hummus in bulk! It’s how my mum did it for my sister and I.

Honestly though I wouldn’t do more than cake at your house until they’re at least 5!

AppropriateAdult · 21/09/2019 22:41

FWIW, they aren't super elaborate (compared to one's I have been to). But still usually involves the hire of a hall (which needs booking well in advance to secure the date needed), organising the catering, entertainment etc, personalised/custom decorations (eg down to the water bottle labels - probably need to pull back on that).

Hang on, your youngest is turning 1? Can’t you just do birthday cake at home with extended family? Why the need for all this hoopla when the child won’t remember it?

Original poster
TreaclePumpkin · 21/09/2019 22:49

Well it's good to know it wasn't an entirely ridiculous idea - well at least not to some.

@AppropriateAdult Because I did a party for DS1. I am (slightly) obsessed with making sure DS2 gets/has whatever DS1 got/had. So many people told me when I was pregnant that I won't be bothered to do half the stuff I did for my first for my second. And I just don't like the thought of them one day looking at pictures or whatever, wondering why we celebrated one and not the other. And DS2 had such a tough start in life (NICU baby), the fact he made it, that he is alive is something we are beyond grateful for. For me (and yes, I know it's more for me than him), it makes him reaching 1 even more important to celebrate.

OP posts:
fargo123 · 21/09/2019 22:51

YABU

My DC1 and DC2 have birthdays about five weeks apart, with Christmas in between. It's never even occurred to me to do a joint party. They're separate individuals with completely different interests and friends. It's easier to just do separate parties.

appletart99 · 21/09/2019 22:52

Mine are 23 months apart (both same sex) and we have done joint parties for the past 3 yrs. The youngest started reception this Sept so we prob won't do it next yr, unless they specifically want to, but they have always enjoyed it and it does save money and hassle. They like having a joint cake and the youngest one really looks up to the older one so it seems to have worked well.
Don't be put off! Do what works for you.

Rachelover60 · 21/09/2019 23:31

You could just have a simple party at home for your one year old, bless him he won't know it's his birthday but he'll like the attention and you can take photos of him with the cake. Just invite nearest and dearest.

A slightly more elaborate party would be in order for your three year old, I presume she goes to nursery or pre school and you can invite her friends,

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