Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To do joint parties

43 replies

TreaclePumpkin · 21/09/2019 21:30

DS1 (almost 3) and DS2 (almost 1) have their birthdays just shy of two months apart. This year, they are having separate parties and it feels like I have to work on the second one before the first one has even happened. It's doable, but it's also a bit of a faff/time consuming (and of course, costs money we could spend on more sensible things perhaps - though the money isn't really an issue).

So, in the years to come, WIBU to just do a joint party for them? For the sake of fairness I'd try to do it in the middle - so not on either one's actual birthday (a month late for DS1 and a month early for DS2).

My sister and I have birthdays a similar distance apart and I'm not sure I would have been impressed with joint parties - but I can't really remember my birthdays - so perhaps that's the answer - it just doesn't matter in the long run.

If I could go back in time I probably would have skipped DS1's second birthday, then I wouldn't do one for DS2 next year either - I've made a rod for my own back.

OP posts:

Rockbird · 21/09/2019 23:35

Mine are consecutive days and have never had a joint party!

GreenTulips · 21/09/2019 23:37

Mine are twins, they’ve always had separate parties bar one.

They both get a cakes own friends list and different types of parties.

You need to consider, soft play or hall etc for friends and maybe a picnic tea for relatives another day.

HeinzBlondeHate · 21/09/2019 23:46

Mine are a day apart but 4 year age Gap got away with joint parties in a hall with bouncy castle when baby was 1 and 2 given they had no idea it was their birthday and had no friends to invite anyways !
This year I plan to try and put over 2 seperate parties on the one day...they older one would never agree to a joint party anymore ,!

I think 2 months apart you really cannot get away with a joint party sorry

SunshineAngel · 21/09/2019 23:49

Nah, the two kids need parties near their birthdays for them to feel special, sorry. Parties don't need to be elaborate or stressful though. It's okay to maybe save the date and send invites for the second, but that's all the planning you need to do before the first is done with.

Teddybear45 · 21/09/2019 23:52

A first birthday is a bigger deal than a 4th. I imagine the guests (especially family) would think so too and buy better / more / bigger gifts for the 1 year old than the 4 yo.

pikapikachu · 22/09/2019 00:03

Mine are 2y 4days apart.

I did joint parties until the year that they turned 5 and 3 as they had the same friends until then. After that it was separate events.?

BishBashBoshy · 22/09/2019 00:11

2 months apart is too much.

My sister's sisters birthday is 6 weeks after mine. We always had to have joint parties, it was always by her birthday because she was 2 years younger so "wouldn't understand". Can you tell I still resent it?

Puffykins · 22/09/2019 00:16

My children are just under two years apart (like yours - though their birthdays are only 3 weeks apart) and I do a joint party for them every year and it works really well. They love planning it together and chatting about it before it happens, deciding on a dressing up theme (often quite odd: eg monsters and blue fairies in space) and it works for the other parents too as a lot of their friends are siblings. Also on the day they love helping to put together the party bags together, decorating together etc. I wouldn't have it any other way, and nor would they.

1300cakes · 22/09/2019 00:18

But still usually involves the hire of a hall (which needs booking well in advance to secure the date needed), organising the catering, entertainment etc, personalised/custom decorations (eg down to the water bottle labels - probably need to pull back on that).

But they aren't super elaborate! In the nicest way OP, are you bonkers? Personalised water bottles, booked entertainment, a decorated venue and catering - for a toddler? I would love to go to a party of yours that you did consider elaborate. It would rival Kim ks wedding.

A party like that is fine if it's something you enjoy organising/having. If you don't, don't. In my book a party for a toddler is having close family over for lunch and a cupcake.

Puffykins · 22/09/2019 00:19

They're now 9 (DS) and 7 (DD) and it still works. I offered them separate parties this year but after initially getting excited about the idea they both decided that they wanted a joint one again.

Barchester · 22/09/2019 00:28

What on earth are you doing hiring a hall for a birthday party for one and three year olds when you don't have much money?

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 22/09/2019 00:35

My two DC have a two year age gap and have birthdays three weeks apart and a month before Christmas I never considered a joint birthday. Didn't occur to me. They're both grown up now and have always had separate parties.

LaBelleSauvage · 22/09/2019 00:43

Sorry but I'm in stitches over themed personalised water bottles

For the 1 year old have the family round for cake and presents. They will have no idea what is happening or whether your water bottles are themed and personalised

For the 3 year old do similar but with a couple of party games.

Again... without themed water bottles.

Total cost perhaps £60 each for snacks, drinks (non themed) and cake.

Spend the money you save on their univeraity education. Or a school trip. Or violin lessons. Dear god...

snitzelvoncrumb · 22/09/2019 00:53

I have April and May birthdays and have done a joint party before, and will again. If they complain neither of them will get a party.

BishBashBoshy · 22/09/2019 01:23

@snitzelvoncrumb I had a conversation with my mum where I said I didn't want a joint party but please could I have one friend to sleep over around my actual birthday. She refused. I hated the joint parties.

snitzelvoncrumb · 22/09/2019 03:04

When my kids are older they won't get joint parties, but for now if they want a party that's what they will get. If one of them just wanted a play date instead that would be ok.

Durgasarrow · 22/09/2019 05:00

Hiring a hall! That is a lot of work for children so young. You could have a few friends and a cake, much less work.

Notajogger · 22/09/2019 06:16

Or don't do parties for either of them?? I think you could get away with it at this age, but not once they're at school

This. You're making a massive amount of work for yourself! At most just get a cake and have some close family around.

You said about being worried about them seeing photos when they're older and wondering why they didn't get the same as their sibling - you seem to be hugely over thinking and the chances of DC scrutinising photos and working out who had what for each birthday compared to the other is non-existent. They'll see a photo of themselves with cake on their face and a smiling relative in the background and just think "ahh cute" (and then get on with trying to navigate a post-apocalyptic world where the climate is burning )

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.