Women with ADHD - did you doubt you had it?

[MaryPopppins]

My title says it all really.

Would love to hear from women who have been diagnosed ADHD as adults.

I tick most of the boxes.

But I can't help but just brush it off and think "no, you're just distracted and lazy and crap"

I feel like because I'm really quite lazy. And can be organised when I really care and am excited to be. That I've just lead my life shittily, was maybe never actually taught how to be organised, wasn't encouraged to be conscientious about my surroundings/situation.

I don't know. It's hard to get it written down. But would love to hear from you.

I sort of don't feel like I even need to pursue a diagnosis. But it's more I'm wondering about my daughter who is so similar to me. Even though my husband and I do try to be a lot more helpful/attentive with her organisation etc.

Never been diagnosed. Am in my late 40s now and struggling with professional exams that I have to do as part of my job. Never did well in exams at school, even when I expected to. If I wanted to do well in exams I had to know the subject inside out from working on it day to day, rather than trying to cram. Yet if it’s a subject i’m Interested in independently, I have no problem spending hours poring over it.

I’ve always thought my failure in exams was because I’m lazy and crap. That might very well be the case, but ADD/ADHD would explain a lot. I feel like I live in chaos, and yet I strive to be so on top and in control. I’m horrified at the state I live in. But being organised and straightforward just seems beyond me.

My sympathies OP. I don’t have children so I don’t have to worry about this continuing down the line. But I feel sad that if I could have done something about this sooner, I could have felt better about my life.

I was diagnosed as a child, but I did go through a period of doubt as an adult. I never doubted the hyperactivity but for a while the only experiences I heard from other adults didn’t tally with mine, despite the fact my adhd is not mild on any scale.

I discovered early on that being physically organised helps mentally, and as it’s entrenched habit I don’t struggle with it. Ditto I never struggled at school, or with anything I’d ever really wanted to do. I don’t come across as either lazy or having difficulty concentrating. Plus I don’t like being medicated, and only use it on very rare occasions, when the common experience seemed to be about how wonderful medication was.

It took broader experience to realise the handful of people I’d come across weren’t representative, and my coping strategies, not to mention all the positives for me personally, didn’t make my adhd any less real.

I laughed when it was first suggested, but was diagnosed officially 18 months ago.
Lots and lots of doubts, but the medication has been such a revelation that I am now pretty convinced.
Although now the doubt has been replaced by anger and frustration at the thought that if I’d been diagnosed earlier, my life might have completely different.
I think my DD(6) may have it and I’m determined she won’t have the same experience.

My son has been recently diagnosed and as I learn more about it I wonder if it came from me. I did well at school when everything was handed to you piece by piece but struggled at college and uni with motivation and longer, larger pieces of work. Ive got a crap memory for names, and am easily distracted! Not sure its worth going for a dx at my age but even if you had a dx you'd still need to find coping strategies. If you assume you have it, what would you change?

I was dx in my 50s. I was a well behaved child but didn't reach my potential at school. Two of my DC were dx with ADHD and I started to wonder whether some of my mh issues were caused by something similar.

When they told me I fit the profile I immediately started looking for reasons to prove I didn't. Once I started the meds I noticed the difference and I have been able to get access to help for work.

I've recently been diagnosed. I always thought I had it to be honest. I tick all the boxes. Especially I cant sit still for more than about 30 minutes unless I'm engrossed in something. Dont understand how people can do boring repetitive jobs without going insane.

I got a diagnosis from psychiatry UK for £350 which is probably the cheapest private option out there. They tried me on meds but they made me feel weird so I stopped them.

Out of interest, how does one go about finding a diagnosis in later life? Just go to the GP and say you think you have it?? Sorry if that sounds like a really dumb question.

Can I ask what the signs are in a girl?

My dn had been diagnosed as ADHD (now in his 20’s and takin meds) and I think dd1 May be 🤷🏼‍♀️ I don’t know? She certainly shows some traits. Can’t stop talking, impulsive, short sleeper, short attention span, but far from stupid though. Just constant interaction.

Those of you who mention medication - what medication is that please ? Ritalin?

My son has been recently diagnosed, and the more I read about it, the more it resonates with my experiences as a child. I think I've learnt coping strategies over the years, but I do struggle sometimes.

I'm 39 and awaiting NHS assessment. Dd was diagnosed with Asd in 2016 so that opened up a world of neuro diversity I'd never encountered before. Always though I was just a bit different.

clouds off topic but how would you describe the weirdness of medication?

I only ask because I rarely come across other people that don’t like being on them. I’ve tried several and they all make me feel like the world has changed to a sepia slow motion with fuck all happening. Like my brain has been diluted but that doesn’t matter because the scenery has been stolen.

Not to mention that I don’t see my adhd as a negative that needs to be toned down or got rid of which is no doubt a large part of the reason I don’t like medication.

Really appreciate all of your input. Thank you.

I get really frustrated at and disappointed in myself when I can't see things through. Or stay focused on something.

I don't want to be that person.

It makes me a bad friend sometimes (forgetting things etc)

I'm pretty smart, went to grammar school and did very well at GCSE but once it was A Levels and more off my own back I just couldn't keep myself organised. I got what I needed for the course I wanted at Uni but academically there is no reason I shouldn't have gotten the 4 As my peers did.

I got told off a lot for being forgetful/lazy. I don't want that for my daughter if she's the never. I've never actively thought "ah I just wont do that"

But then is there much point in me Pershing anything now in terms of getting myself a diagnosis?

If I can help DD stay focused/organised and not fall at the hurdles I did I guess that's what I really want.

Im pretty sure I am. High achieving academically but struggling at life... I was teachers pet though in school and well behaved, if fidgetty, so didnt struggle like I see some kids do - my problems have mainky been as an adult.

Im too scwred of confrontation to see the gp and fairly scared of meds (risk of death!?!?!? When i googled) but then may well make me manage life easier and healthier.mm

My son is being assessed for it. I have it.

I'm determined he won't have the school experiences I did. So far so good, he enjoys it.

Trainspotting I just didn't like the speedy feeling, and also got headaches.

I had speed recreationally in my youth s few times and have no desire to have a low daily dose of the stuff at this point in my life! I'm kind of against mind altering pharma (anti-ds etc) on a long term basis anyway although if they work for others, that's great for them.

Currently being assessed for it. I’ve done well academically but it’s gotten harder and harder as I’ve gotten older. I know I’m capable but my mind is constantly racing. I brushed it off for so long and my mother refused to even entertain the thought when I was a child since she doesn’t believe in ADHD hoping I can treat it with therapy as I really don’t want to be on medication for the rest of my life

I’m 42 and currently going through the process of being assessed.

I’m currently at university and it’s come about due to that. Now I look at it I’ve probably had it my whole life. I underachieved at school, was excluded from some of my GCSE’s. I am struggling with my academic work getting organised, prioritising and motivation as well as massive issue with procrastination. I’ve been told I’m disruptive in lectures by interrupting and talking too much (we are only a small group of 17ish). I’m giving to repeat my second year due to it.

I think I’m actually quite severely impaired by it. I can’t concentrate on anything. I leave everything to the last minute. I miss important deadlines like paying bills etc. I can’t concentrate on anything but van sit for hours watching YouTube to avoid doing something I don’t want to do.

Some days I can’t do anything but sit/lay on the sofa whereas other days I feel like I’m a whirlwind and will do everything. But I more often than not feel like I have a kind of nervous energy constantly in me. I’m constantly fidgeting and moving my feet. I can’t switch off my brain to sleep. It’s 6.20 and I haven’t slept yet.

I saw a general psychiatrist this week who said I likely had adhd but he wasn’t an expert so I have been referred to the adhd service. No idea how long the waiting list is (it’s NHS) so uni is helping me with a private diagnosis so I can get help from them. I really feel I need help now. I’m feeling a bit lost and helpless. It’s getting worse I feel. Or I’m more aware as I know about it now.

My daughter is going through the adhd assessment process at the moment and last week I went to talk by two guys who run a London adhd support group for adults (believe they have Facebook page as well)

They may be able to provide support - they were both diagnosed as adults.

Btw to answer your question - yes I did doubt it a lot up until my appointment last week. Now I feel like I wasn’t going crazy. I’ve always been a bit ‘different’ and weird. I own the weirdness. I don’t have many friends. I was bullied at school. I just feel like maybe it may have all been different if it had been noticed when I was a child. I think I must have masked a lot.

If you are on Facebook there is a group called women with adhd. It’s a good group. There is a general adult adhd UK one too but post have to be approved and I don’t like that so much. I want my answers now lol.

Diagnosed in March this year at the age of 53. Gave up on ever getting an assessment via the NHS and saw someone privately who specialises in ADHD.

For me it’s peace of mind and understanding myself.

I do have medication (Concerta) and can take up to 72mg a day (I think). In practice I take it only when I have a heavy workload of stuff to do. It keeps me calm, focused and clear headed.

When I return to work as a nurse I will take it on work days as my experience of the medication is that the clear head it gives me allows me to get more done.

Other than that I don’t bother with it. Hubby has long ago learned that I am just me....with all my chaos and muddle headedness.

Sorry to waken this thread, but somebody that I was talking to recently was discussing the symptoms of their ADHD, and most of it resonated with me.
I can't finish anything, I do a job to around 80%, then just stop, and it's like there's a glass wall in front of me that stops me from completing it.
I'm a terrible sleeper, my brain is never still, and I'm always on to the next new, shiny thing.
I never shut up, and I do have trouble fitting in. People seem to think that I'm awkward, but I'm not, I just don't understand why people behave the way they do, and get all agitated about it.
I'm always anxious as to whether I've behaved correctly, said the right thing, because I never seem to know.
I'm very on/off. I'm either engrossed in something (work project/conversation etc) or not, and if I'm not, I'll happily walk away with barely a second glance, even though I know that on some level, it's probably rude.
My friends think that I'm very organised, but it takes a massive effort, and it's definitely a coping mechanism, because if I'm not organised, everything falls apart.
With lockdown, it seems to have unravelled me a bit, and the coping mechanisms that I was unconsciously using have gone awry, because I'm not having the human interaction to keep me on track.

This is something of a revelation to me, and I'm almost recalibrating, and working out why I do things, and recognising that my reactions aren't like other peoples, and understanding why.
I'd like to get a diagnosis, or speak with a medical professional, but with us being in lockdown, it doesn't seem like the right time to be bothering the NHS, they're busy enough.

Thanks for listening. x

Both my son and I have it but without the hyperactivity. You can see from my username how it manifests itself. Constantly constantly distracted, forgetful, disorganised but actually developed a form of OCD within my home environment to counteract its effects. Everything exceptionally clean and tidy because my brain simply cannot cope with chaos. I cannot watch films with complex storylines or work in a job where too much information is thrown in at once because my brain cannot focus and I become extremely anxious and unable to function. Actually brought on a nervous breakdown at one point. Son and me both had QB tests and both that 98% of other people are able to perform better on them.

Coping strategies in my own life are:

Diaries, diaries, diaries!! Check it twice a day (still forget to attend stuff though)

Lists! (Completing all the things that might distract me before doing an important task) So for example, when studying I had to make sure house was clean and organised, any calls I needed to make ticked off, paperwork done or my brain would flick back to those before I could write an essay.

Husband tells me I have to be somewhere an hour before I actually do so that I’m never late.

I manage to get to work on time by sticking to a strict routine that I’m less likely to deviate from and have an understanding of how long each task will take.

Take medication before social events so don’t talk too much / over think as a result of having so much information in my head and struggling to filter the important stuff to say.

So much more but I won’t go on. Different coping mechanisms to my son as it manifests differently in him but with many crossovers. I always felt different to other people and didn’t understand why. I recognised in my son from 6 months old!

I'm a terrible sleeper, my brain is never still, and I'm always on to the next new, shiny thing.
I never shut up, and I do have trouble fitting in. People seem to think that I'm awkward, but I'm not, I just don't understand why people behave the way they do, and get all agitated about it.
I'm always anxious as to whether I've behaved correctly, said the right thing, because I never seem to know.
I'm very on/off. I'm either engrossed in something (work project/conversation etc) or not, and if I'm not, I'll happily walk away with barely a second glance, even though I know that on some level, it's probably rude.
My friends think that I'm very organised, but it takes a massive effort, and it's definitely a coping mechanism, because if I'm not organised, everything falls apart.
With lockdown, it seems to have unravelled me a bit, and the coping mechanisms that I was unconsciously using have gone awry, because I'm not having the human interaction to keep me on track

Oh Bumblefleet I actually feel a bit emotional reading this as it resonates with me so much. I have a formal diagnosis. Do you recognise anything from my post too?

I get so over anxious and over analytical about my own behaviour and not understanding others. I over analyse everything which can make me over sensitive. Laying awake with my bloody over active brain is soul destroying sometimes!