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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Women with ADHD - did you doubt you had it?

40 replies

MaryPopppins · 21/09/2019 20:10

My title says it all really.

Would love to hear from women who have been diagnosed ADHD as adults.

I tick most of the boxes.

But I can't help but just brush it off and think "no, you're just distracted and lazy and crap"

I feel like because I'm really quite lazy. And can be organised when I really care and am excited to be. That I've just lead my life shittily, was maybe never actually taught how to be organised, wasn't encouraged to be conscientious about my surroundings/situation.

I don't know. It's hard to get it written down. But would love to hear from you.

I sort of don't feel like I even need to pursue a diagnosis. But it's more I'm wondering about my daughter who is so similar to me. Even though my husband and I do try to be a lot more helpful/attentive with her organisation etc.

OP posts:
OlympicProcrastinator · 18/02/2021 09:27

Bold fail!

therocinante · 18/02/2021 10:25

I was terrified I'd be told I was just lazy/disorganised/making it all up, so persuing a diagnosis was very scary but so, so worth it for the feeling of validation.

Ask your GP to refer you to Psychiatry UK via the Right to Choose (www.psychiatry-uk.com/right-to-choose/).

Bumblefeet · 18/02/2021 10:32

@OlympicProcrastinator

*I'm a terrible sleeper, my brain is never still, and I'm always on to the next new, shiny thing. I never shut up, and I do have trouble fitting in. People seem to think that I'm awkward, but I'm not, I just don't understand why people behave the way they do, and get all agitated about it. I'm always anxious as to whether I've behaved correctly, said the right thing, because I never seem to know. I'm very on/off. I'm either engrossed in something (work project/conversation etc) or not, and if I'm not, I'll happily walk away with barely a second glance, even though I know that on some level, it's probably rude. My friends think that I'm very organised, but it takes a massive effort, and it's definitely a coping mechanism, because if I'm not organised, everything falls apart. With lockdown, it seems to have unravelled me a bit, and the coping mechanisms that I was unconsciously using have gone awry, because I'm not having the human interaction to keep me on track*

Oh Bumblefleet I actually feel a bit emotional reading this as it resonates with me so much. I have a formal diagnosis. Do you recognise anything from my post too?

I get so over anxious and over analytical about my own behaviour and not understanding others. I over analyse everything which can make me over sensitive. Laying awake with my bloody over active brain is soul destroying sometimes!

Actually, lots resonates from your post.
I do like to be early, 10 minutes early is bang on time in my book, I write down everything. I have a lovely A4 notebook, and I rewrite my list every single night, and put little stars by things, or I look at it the next day, and have no idea what to do, and therefore do nothing.

I'm in a job whereby I need to be on top of things all the time, and my lovely list keeps me sane. I have software to remind me of things, but I don't look at it, because I have my list....

I've been like this for so long, that it barely registers anymore, but I don't want to discuss it with anybody out loud, because if I don't have a diagnosis, I'm fearful that they'll think that I'm jumping on the bandwagon or something.
And the films, yes! Something like Mad Max, Fast and Furious, I have no idea what's going on. At all.

I can talk and overthink things to a ridiculous degree, honestly, I even bore myself.

But I also walk around in a bit of a fug. If something doesn't interest me, then I just ignore it, I just can't get involved in it. My husband tells me that the car needs air in it's tyres, and my head just shrugs. I'm simply not interested, and have to force myself to go and do it, or I'd be driving around with flat tyres. Just doesn't enter my brain.

The more I type, the more I think 'gosh, there may be something in this'. How did I not know this about myself?

Emeraldshamrock · 18/02/2021 10:52

Life is definitely harder. You need to force yourself to learn organisational and life coping skills just like the DC need therapy CBT OT chart making, constructive daily planning sheets.
I use charts and I make myself do things in 5, put away 5 things before I stop, look to the next, if I sit down I give myself a limited 3 minutes before I get back up.
It can take an entire day to sort my house whereas my Dsis would have it done on an hour.
I challenge myself to finish a task while listening to a song it rarely works on one go, I usually restart the song at least twice, my favourite at the moment is Jerusalem upbeat.
Speaking of which I better get off my ass.
Like it said it takes a lot but what is the alternative the mess causes a negative effect on ADD you get stuck in a cycle of destruction.
Little efforts go far.

RubyTuesdayBlues1 · 18/02/2021 11:20

Can I ask question for people who have been diagnosed......
I've done some reading on this and it mentions asking your partner, friends or parents about you. I don't know why but this fills me with dread and puts me off taking it any further. Have other people found this useful or excruciating?

Bumblefeet · 18/02/2021 11:34

I described the symptoms to my husband, and he just nodded wisely. We were lay in bed, but I suspect that there would have been a smug grin if I'd seen his face.

At first he dismissed it, but after I described the symptoms, he was nodding all the way.

Cpl1586407 · 18/02/2021 11:38

I was diagnosed last year. Oddly I've been successful at school and ok at work, but I've always feel like a lazy shit who can't stay on task

I can't tell you when a freeing relief it's been to be told I'm not a lazy arse, my brain just works differently. I beat myself up a lot less.

Cpl1586407 · 18/02/2021 11:40

@RubyTuesdayBlues1

Can I ask question for people who have been diagnosed...... I've done some reading on this and it mentions asking your partner, friends or parents about you. I don't know why but this fills me with dread and puts me off taking it any further. Have other people found this useful or excruciating?
My partner did my forms. He's seen how my ADHD affects me and was so happy he could help. I just didn't ask him about it more just sent the forms. It was a requirement ahead of my diagnostic appointment
RubyTuesdayBlues1 · 18/02/2021 13:58

@Cpl1586407 Thanks for replying. We're you able to proceed with just one person filling in the forms? I'm just about OK with DH doing it but I really wouldn't want to ask anyone else. I'd be embarrassed if it turned out I didn't have it and was just a bit crap after all!

OlympicProcrastinator · 18/02/2021 14:07

RubyTuesday, I didn’t ask anyone. I actually only figured myself out and got the diagnosis after seeking help for my son and realising he’s inherited my strange brain! It’s not a necessity for a diagnosis.

Cpl1586407 · 18/02/2021 14:09

@RubyTuesdayBlues1luckily my brother is a hcp and we are close, he did my forms as well. He has ADHD too and was diagnosed as a child. Didn't want to ask my parents to do it because they are older now and have a very rosy view of my childhood and mental health, they just think I'm a bit scatty but use my MSc as proof that theres no way I could be neurodiverse.

I had a friend who was diagnosed who was able to proceed without a second person, I can ask how this worked.

RubyTuesdayBlues1 · 18/02/2021 14:26

@Cpl1586407 Thank you, my parents just wouldn't get it, I did mention it once and DM made a joke about me definitely not having the H bit - I won't be going there again!

Jadetreesbringluck · 18/02/2021 14:31

Yes! 100%

I'm only newly diagnosed and still haven't told most of my family as I still feel a bit 'imposter,!

From what I have read its very normal. Best do an assessment and then you will know either way.

Its been liberating for me and has helped to quiten that negative self talk and beating myself up about past mistakes. I'm trying to learn helpful strategies and be a bit more accepting of my quirks

Good luck!

Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep · 18/02/2021 14:39

My son has diagnosed adhd. Fairly certain me and DD have it too. It was micro movements which gave it away to me, then a bunch of other stuff fell into place, like over empathising, emotional dysregulation, impatient, disorganised, weird hyper focus, genius-level procrastinator etc etc

This IG account breaks it down beautifully
instagram.com/adhd_couple?igshid=1m4gzfqtw9l8i

Pattymc1 · 19/03/2021 06:58

Hi everyone, I have not been on mumsnet for quite a while but used to love seeing out like minded mums and asking advice about the kids. So I googled ADHD women as I have been trialling medication this year (diagnosed over 2 years ago along with eldest son) and wanted to hear other experiences of taking meds and I am so happy to have read these posts as I resonated so closely with a lot of what has been written and have also questioned my own diagnosis even though I tick almost all the boxes! I have to get up now so otherwise i will be late before I know it so I willl come back and let you know my experiences so far (I’m 47 married with 3 kids) started so many different projects/courses/careers and so ver capable.....until I move on to something else! I am taking meds and not sure it is the correct dose so I’m very interested in chatting. Got to go but will be back

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