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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at DH?

83 replies

Drivenmad80 · 21/09/2019 17:16

We were all out playing with the kids in the garden with some friends. The children had been making water balloons so there was a little bit left in the thing you use to fill them. I playfully squirted it at him and a tiny bit hit his leg. He got really mad. Later on I was sitting down and he purposely threw a ball at me (revenge for the water) it hit me on the side of the head and it actually really hurt me. So I said ow and that hurt and the rest. What bothers me is that instead of just apologising for hurting me he just goes off on one about he didn't throw it that hard and why am I so angry. One of the things we try and teach our DC is even if you didn't mean to hurt some one you apologise. Surely a grown man can do the same!! Grrrrrr

OP posts:
YouMadeAStupidComment · 22/09/2019 03:52

Maybe something is up with him if he overreacted like that? Not exactly uncommon for men to not tell anyone their problems and deal with it in a stupid way. Not saying what he did was justified obviously but could be more to it.

chickenyhead · 22/09/2019 03:58

Like domestic violence?

Because that is what it is.

She playfully flicked water at him when he was already wet and he used that as an excuse to throw a ball at her face.

There is no apology.

I don't think that that is justified no matter what is UP with him.

If he had said sorry, I only meant to bop you (with a sponge ball) that is one thing. This is something entirely different.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 22/09/2019 05:27

It's not acceptable that he let you go to bed without an apology. I would definitely make sure you were out the house before he wake up and do whatever you need to do to stay out all day. Sod the lunch.

Leave a note to tell him he's on his own today, write down the list of questions for him above and ask him to explain his actions and to hold himself accountable and provide an appropriate apology.

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda · 22/09/2019 06:51

So he was already wet and then in retaliation threw something at you, and then gaslights you saying that it didn’t hurt...Hmm.

He then proceeds to ignore you (silent treatment) because you called him a dick, because he hurt you.

We can all do/say things that can offend/hurt others, but generally a normal person would apologise and be contrite.

He on the other hand is an abusive arsehole.

Scarydinosaurs · 22/09/2019 06:57

I hope you stick to your plan and go out tonight.

Or refuse to cook and show his parents the lump on your head.

Mothership4two · 22/09/2019 06:59

@Disfordarkchocolate

Bloody disks! Grin

Intheupsidedown · 22/09/2019 07:30

There are always 2 sides to every story.

Just cause the guy threw a ball does not make him an abusive arsehole. No one else was there to witness the actual build up.

How do we know he was still wet when she then deliberately got water on him?

How do we know that just before the ball incident they weren't throwing the ball around and the OP turned her head and didn't see it coming?

There are alot of questions which will never get answered before we can all start casting aspersions if this man is abusive or just stupid and thoughtless.

OP I hope he apologises for hurting you but as I said before sometimes if we want to move on and restore our own calm you may have to make the first move it just depends on how strongly you feel about the situation.

But only you know what actually happened and if the ball throw was normal behaviour for your dh or stupidity.

ThomasShelbysBunnet · 22/09/2019 07:36

Don't cook dinner for his bloody family tomorrow. If you don't want to go out, take to bed for the afternoon with a cup of tea and a headache. Let him entertain his parents, and when they ask what's wrong, tell them he purposefully threw a ball at your head yesterday and you're left with a lump and a headache.
He's an arsehole.

Butterymuffin · 22/09/2019 08:01

I wouldn't make dinner today either.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 22/09/2019 08:02

No way would I be cooking dinner for his parents right now. Absolutely not.

This behaviour is unacceptable, and if you pretend everything is dandy for the sake of keeping up appearances, well that's exactly what bullies and abusers rely on people doing so they can continue their lovely lives and uphold their good reputation despite their shitty behaviour.

Only you can say whether this was a one off or part of him generally being nasty and proud. But don't let it slide either way.

Mothership4two · 22/09/2019 08:15

There are always 2 sides to every story

We have only got OP's side, so that's all we can go on. It would be highly unusual (if possible?) on MN to have more than one side tbh.

AND whether or not it was intentional (and it sounds like it was), he hurt her - enough for her friend to notice and enough for it to leave a lump - so he should apologise profusely and not blame the OP. That's dickish behaviour and quite manipulative and OP is, understandably, upset.

Girasole02 · 22/09/2019 08:27

Given the female friend's response, it sounds as if he's gone down in their estimation. Your husband has royally shown himself up in front of his mates and knows it.

Tonnerre · 22/09/2019 08:32

How do we know he was still wet when she then deliberately got water on him?

Well, I guess on a day in September after being water-bombed you might dry out completely within the space of a few minutes or even an hour, but it's not terribly likely, is it? And even if you were, that doesn't justify deliberately hurting someone because you got a few drops of water on you.

How do we know that just before the ball incident they weren't throwing the ball around and the OP turned her head and didn't see it coming?

Because OP and her friend were there and saw him throw it at her on purpose.

But even if it was accidental, how does that excuse failing to apologise for causing a pretty nasty injury?

RandomMess · 22/09/2019 08:37

He is completely out of order he knows it and you know it!

tensmum1964 · 22/09/2019 08:44

There are absolutely no two sides to this story. I find it scary that women, (if the two sides poster is actually a woman) would attempt to justify this behaviour by minimising it. No wonder so many women don't see the red flags of an abuser before its too late.

Aprillygirl · 22/09/2019 08:49

Him getting mad over a bit of water is enough for me to think your DH is a fucking prick, but for him to retaliate violently-hitting you with an object with enough force to create a lump is violence-and then not to apologise for it rings alarm bells for me. Were the kids witness to all this? Because it can’t have been nice for them to see their bad tempered father treat their mum in such a horrible way.

billy1966 · 22/09/2019 09:29

OP,

So sorry for you.

Your husband assaulted you in front of friends.
Do not think anything differently.
You can bet your friends are talking about what has occurred and are very concerned about you.

Your husband is neither a nice man nor a good man.

Have nothing to do with that dinner.
I would ring his parents, tell them what happened, that you are hurt and the dinner is off.

How you manage this situation is very important to your future.

He's a shorter and nasty and things have dramatically escalated IMO.

If he comes near you. Tell him he has assaulted you.
Do not apologize for calling him a dick.
You have nothing to apologise for.

He assaulted you.

He's Gaslighting you and trying to minimise his assault.

You are married to a horrible man.

Please protect yourself.
If your head is sore, you should get it checked out.
Please tell your own family what happened.

Do not protect him with your silence.💐

Howdidido · 22/09/2019 10:07

He's probably embarrassed that he hurt you when he didn't really intend to (yes I know he threw a ball but maybe he thought it wouldn't hurt/you'd catch it) but yes he should have immediatelyapologised and checked you were ok. He sounds immature.
He also sounds like my DH- incapable of apologising at the time.
I don't have any advice except to say- don't let him off. But don't let yourself get angry. Know you are in the right and until he apologises genuinely then you want nothing to do with him. Make sure he knows that.

Nanny0gg · 22/09/2019 10:10

How's he behaving today, OP?

MereDintofPandiculation · 22/09/2019 10:15

He gets very verbal when he's mad and stomps off. I normally cave first and apologise. That's emotionally controlling. Recognising that can help you deal with it.

FairiesontheSwing · 22/09/2019 10:23

When he gets 'verbal' in arguments where you apologise, what does he say? Is he just angry or is he cruel to you?

70sWitch · 22/09/2019 10:27

Intheupsidedown Why are you gaslighting the OP om her own thread?

We can all see you.

Just stop it!

boujie · 22/09/2019 10:31

He sounds like a horrible person tbh.

My husband dropped his phone on my face yesterday while I was lying with my head in his lap and I cried out because it was surprisingly painful. He was so apologetic about it even though it was a genuine accident. Your husband deliberately threw something and still couldn't apologise - it's really shitty.

chickenyhead · 22/09/2019 10:51

2 sides to every story?????

WTF

and what is your intention in posting this? Because I cannot see a reasonable excuse.

The OP hasn't contradicted herself or otherwise lied. There are people who lurk on threads that this may have happened to, your comments have no place here.

EKGEMS · 22/09/2019 11:13

mothership Fly back into space with your idiotic posts! As if an assault on your wife is ever justified. Fool!

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