To be annoyed at DH?

[Drivenmad80]

We were all out playing with the kids in the garden with some friends. The children had been making water balloons so there was a little bit left in the thing you use to fill them. I playfully squirted it at him and a tiny bit hit his leg. He got really mad. Later on I was sitting down and he purposely threw a ball at me (revenge for the water) it hit me on the side of the head and it actually really hurt me. So I said ow and that hurt and the rest. What bothers me is that instead of just apologising for hurting me he just goes off on one about he didn't throw it that hard and why am I so angry. One of the things we try and teach our DC is even if you didn't mean to hurt some one you apologise. Surely a grown man can do the same!! Grrrrrr

You need to apply an ice compress and may need to go to A&E and after that maybe a solicitor

Do you know what, if he's a decent guy, he probably knows he's in the wrong. He was probably saying it wasn't that hard, or it didn't hurt, because he was backtracking, and he knows full well he shouldn't have done it.

My partner does this when we're play fighting, as he doesn't realise how much stronger he is.

He isn't normally violent at all. He gets very verbal when he's mad and stomps off. I normally cave first and apologise.

I shouldn't have called him a dick I accept that. But I was honestly shocked. Also he knows me well enough to know that I don't react like that unless REALLY upset or shocked.

My friend messaged me and said she saw it hit me and saw my head snap back and heard the noise it made when it hit me. She said 'wow that must of hurt'

I feel silly for saying it but it's made me question everything. I am currently in spare room.

I am supposed to cook dinner for his parents tomorrow. I feel like going out and leaving him to do it and look after the kids and sort them out for school and the rest.

Sorry I'm rambling now. Thanks for all your replies xxx

Also the amount of water was about a tablespoon full. Of which a couple of drops went on him. Bearing in mind he'd been letting the kids hurl water bombs at him!!!

I actually think that it was a nasty assault and would be seriously worried about his mentality. He sounds like an aggressive moron.

“He was letting the kids hurl water bombs at him”

God the more you say the worse it gets!

I’d be asking him a few questions-

-why he got so angry when it was him who threw a solid object at your head.

-why he’s still angry at you.
-does he intend to throw any other objects at your head.
-why he hasn’t apologised.

His answers will be interesting....

I'd be more than annoyed. He was violent.

Vengeful arsehole. He was trying to hurt you, as a punishment for your 'damaging his dignity' (or causing mild irritation) and he did.

He was violent towards you and is now trying to gaslight you into thinking it actually wasn’t that hard.
Don’t be a mug op.
He will “accidentally” do it again and again tabs he’ll give you a “friendly punch” that he didn’t mean to be so hard etc etc.
Good luck to you.

Is there more to this, as in, has he been more tense lately. It sounds as if he’s wound up at the moment, and therefore snapped.
Especially if he’s not usually like this.

Saying that, my ex would twist up a tea towel and whip lash me with it just for fun. It would hurt so much. He’d then have a go at me for being weak. I divorced him.

The stomping off 8s worrying. He went further than dramatic silk, this time

The thing is when people get a bit butthurt they react very badly and struggle to admit they are wrong and apologise.

There is an interesting book called dont sweat the small stuff in love, and it talks about apologising even though you know you are not wrong so you can stop or reduce your own stress with a situation.

He should never have thrown the ball with malicious intent, but he may not have meant it maliciously but didn't realise his own strength or that you weren't looking. (But none of us know the intent or meaning because we weren't there or know your dh)

Similarly if he got upset over you squirting him with water or calling him a dick (even though he probably deserved that) then you should probably apologise for your part in the fall out.

If this is not usual behaviour for him or more extreme than normal then maybe be the first to apologise may help? You can be the bigger person if you do truly love him

I struggle to apologise even when I know I am wrong, my dh knows that it's a flaw I have but I really try to do it or show I am sorry in another way.

My dh has hurt me in the past because be forgets his own strength but I know there is no malice behind it just him being stupid (mini roll hitting me square on the head still comes up every so often)

To me his reaction is like I would react If i knew I had done wrong but didn't know how to apologise or explain my actions.

Let him entertain his parents and kids and go to the pictures or out with a friend.

As well as the difference between a few drops of water and a ball (what kind of ball btw?) there's the big difference of you doing something in fun and him trying to hurt you for revenge. And yes sometimes men don't always know their own strength but they know a ball to the head is going to hurt and they are generally pretty accurate with their ball skills (it sounds as though he did actually aim for your head). That's nasty behaviour and he should be ashamed of himself and apologise and certainly not make out that you are overreacting.

Is there any reason why he would suddenly react so badly to you? Does he usually have a tit for tat attitude or is there something going on that has put him on edge? Not that that's any excuse. As others have said he was behaving like a dick and is continuing to behave like one - don't question yourself about this (& your friend has backed you up on the seriousness of it).

I shouldn't have called him a dick I accept that - you had just been whacked on the head by him, it's a normal reaction to bark at the person at fault - even if you regret it later (ie if it had been an accident). What did he expect, you to say nothing? That would have been weird.

Please don't let him make you question yourself. He is in the wrong here. He sounds pretty manipulative, stomping off after arguments so you will 'cave' and apologise.

In your shoes, I am not sure if I would leave when his parents were coming round, but I would definitely have it out with him beforehand and if he doesn't apologise (properly), I would tell him to go ahead and cook the dinner himself and if his parents ask why, I would tell them.

If this is not usual behaviour for him or more extreme than normal then maybe be the first to apologise may help?

Fucking hell.
He hit her with an object so hard it left a lump and her friend saw her head snap back.

Next time squirt him with lighter fluid...

He sounds like an abusive dick.

Don't apologise for calling him a dick or for being upset.

If he had punched you in the face would you still be staying with him? I see this as no different. He deliberately threw an object at you that he knew would cause harm.

Nothing wrong with calling him a disk, it's probably what your friends thought. His behaviour is very childish.

It seems like an everyday happening,in those households,that have stupid men in them. I don't like stupid men, I don't like balloons either, I just like cats, and am always happy, !!

Your dh deliberately with force struck you on the head with an improvised weapon! He did so to put you in your place and to hurt you! The fact your friend messaged what she did, shows me that she is very concerned about you! Your dh is an abuser- if he has never physically hurt you in the past he has escalated things today and you need to decide if you want to be with someone who abuses women, even more baffling and upsetting is that he abused you in front of your friends and children!

Maybe he didn't realise just how hard he threw the ball or that it would hurt quite so much, and perhaps he was embarrassed when you reacted loudly in front of other adults-- but that's still no excuse for him not apologising.

He's immature, and he's being a jerk.

Please don’t cave and make dinner for his parents.

He was and continues to act exactly like a dick.

Wtf he deliberately threw a ball at your head and he's pissed off that you called him a dickhead after he'd done that?!! He's very concerned of how you spoke to him in front of your friend but he's not the slightest bit concerned that your friends think he's a violent and abusive twat.
These are serious issues going on here

He knew the ball would hurt you when he thew it. He wanted to hurt you as revenge for the water and now he is in denial because he doesn't want to admit or think about his actions. Has he hurt you before?