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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is he going to leave me for her ?

73 replies

Rosesinrome · 21/09/2019 12:54

I am sick with worry . I posted on here before about my boyfriend and his relationship with his friend . I felt they were too close . I shared my worries with him and he pulled away from the incessant texting and doe eyes when talking about her but was very down and silky so I was trying to figure if this was coincidental . The general consensus was that it was because he was pining for her . One poster suggested that he would be gone to her if she was single and guess what... she has left her partner and I am sick at the thought of this . He is taking the role of caring concerned friend. Any advice appreciated

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosesinrome · 21/09/2019 12:54

Sulky

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 21/09/2019 12:56

Haven't read your previous thread but don't do the pick me dance. If he's sulking, give him all the space in the world.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 21/09/2019 12:58

I think you should be asking him, not us.

Ludways · 21/09/2019 12:59

If he's pining for her more then make him also pine for you, leave him and get on with your life.

Jimmers · 21/09/2019 13:00

Know your worth, OP. If he’s messing you around, let him go. You’ll find better.

IfYouWannaComeBack · 21/09/2019 13:00

I second what @Ludways said

IfYouWannaComeBack · 21/09/2019 13:00

Also can you provide a link for your previous thread?

31RueCambon75001 · 21/09/2019 13:00

I'd take control.

Withdraw to focus on yourself. Ask yourself do you want to be happy? What was wrong with the relationship? what couldn't you do / couldn't you enjoy when you were with him, and go and do that now. Reach out to a friend you have been meaning to get in touch with for a while. Do you deserve better than being made to feel second best? Are you going to accept your boyfriend basically prioritising another woman's feelings above your own? You never entered in to a competition with this woman, and even if you had, would your boyfriend be a prize worth having?

Take. Stock.

doublebarrellednurse · 21/09/2019 13:02

If he's pining for her more then make him also pine for you, leave him and get on with your life

This 100%

If he thinks you're available when he snaps his fingers he's gonna be pining for her. Let him sulk. Read about limerance, infatuation. It's not real it's in his head. Childish crush they both encouraged.

He needs to grow up and you need to stop screaming pick me with your actions.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 21/09/2019 13:03

Talk to him! Enough of the sulking.

31RueCambon75001 · 21/09/2019 13:04

Exactly. He thinks he'll have you no matter how he behaves.

SunshineAngel · 21/09/2019 13:11

If it was me, I would address the issue head on, and say he seems withdrawn since he stopped talking to her and talking about her etc. Say you have no intention of being involved in a relationship when he would rather be with someone else.

There's no point just trying to guess what he's thinking and feeling, honestly. It's too hurtful - and plus you might be wrong. There might be something else on his mind that's completely unrelated.

Original poster
Rosesinrome · 21/09/2019 13:13

I guess that I think that if he truly lived and respected me then she wouldn’t be even an option for him. He’s offering to help her practically, emotionally every bloody way. He doesn’t think to realise that offering to help her with diy in her new apartment at the weekend is going to infringe on our time together. That’s the only real
Chance we get to hang out for a proper amount of time .

OP posts:
HeavenlyEyes · 21/09/2019 13:15

just get rid and stop waiting for him to choose you?

Original poster
Rosesinrome · 21/09/2019 13:15

I’m sure she has plenty of friends and family who could also help her . He is loving this knight in shining armour thing.

OP posts:
Zoflorabore · 21/09/2019 13:16

How long have you been with him op?

What is your living situation?

It would be interesting to read the back story on this. It’s hard to judge based on just what you’ve said. She may have zero interest in him.

littleorangecat22 · 21/09/2019 13:17

They’re friends. He shouldn’t have to give up his close friends to be in a relationship. I don’t think you two are compatible.

Grambler · 21/09/2019 13:19

Is she older than him?

Actionhasmagic · 21/09/2019 13:19

If my partner behaved like this I would be the one to leave him. You will be happier not living in this fear. Do you self a favour and make a clean break.

Bunnybaubles · 21/09/2019 13:19

Why not suggest you go help with the DIY? Tell him that way you can still spend time with him and get to know his good friend while an extra pair of hands would come in useful. His reaction to that will tell you whether you need to just let him go.

Purpletigers · 21/09/2019 13:20

Don’t give him the opportunity to make the decision for you both , if you’re not happy with the situation , change it !
I’m sorry ! Life can be cruel but there is no room for playing games in a relationship.

TryingToBeBold · 21/09/2019 13:21

If this was the other way round and he asked you to calm down your friendship with a guy... how many people would jump on it and call him controlling..
Offer to help. Don't sulk. Don't go pick one or the other. Cant you get to know her?
My best friend is a guy. We are close. We have things in common that me and my partner don't. That's what makes you friends isn't it?

Purpletigers · 21/09/2019 13:22

Yes offer to help too

GiveMeHope103 · 21/09/2019 13:22

please don't suggest you go with him to help! that just reeks of desperation and you shouldnt have to dance around him. it seems like he wants to be with her.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 21/09/2019 13:22

I'm a cynical old gimmer, and I'm going to get flamed, but very few men are friends with women they don't fancy, the exception possibly being when they have grown up together and fancying is off the table.