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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is he going to leave me for her ?

73 replies

Rosesinrome · 21/09/2019 12:54

I am sick with worry . I posted on here before about my boyfriend and his relationship with his friend . I felt they were too close . I shared my worries with him and he pulled away from the incessant texting and doe eyes when talking about her but was very down and silky so I was trying to figure if this was coincidental . The general consensus was that it was because he was pining for her . One poster suggested that he would be gone to her if she was single and guess what... she has left her partner and I am sick at the thought of this . He is taking the role of caring concerned friend. Any advice appreciated

OP posts:

daisychain01 · 21/09/2019 14:54

OP are you seriously considering this man, when you know he isn't interested in you.

Please build on your self respect. How will this bring you happiness when you'll be back on here in a week's time to say he's up to his old tricks again, if he did "choose you". It's not worth it!!

everyonecaneffoff · 21/09/2019 14:55

He'll be gone soon. She's left her partner. He's sitting around pining for her. Now he's messing about helping her do DIY.
Dump him and at least you'll have your dignity intact. Don't be the person who sits around at home while he's "helping" her, just waiting until he decides to let you know whether he's chosen to leave you for her or not.

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 21/09/2019 14:55

No one can be friends with the opposite sex unless something sexual/flirty going on.

Bollocks. And very "hetero" since not all men want to fuck women, and vice versa.

However this isn't the case with OP, whose DP isn't just crossing boundaries, he's kicking them down.

elfies · 21/09/2019 14:57

Give him space Rosesinrome , if he loves you , he'll stay (if YOU still want HIM) . If he's of a mind to go , then nothing you can do will persuade him otherwise .
Good luck ,I hope you get the outcome you want . Hugs x

kateandme · 21/09/2019 15:13

if this is that same thread of threads, then non wonder your not posting link to previous.because you know what everyone was saying.and you would listen.and here we are again.

Thegrasscouldbegreeener · 21/09/2019 15:13

I suspect she has left her dp for yours. Given his reaction without her it’s only going to be a matter of time. Don’t wait for the axe to fall. This man should not be making you feel best for anyone. He is revelling as knight in shining armour and she the damsel in distress, for goodness sake op choose dignity and self respect.

Millie2016 · 21/09/2019 15:17

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3694492-My-gut-feelings-are-telling-me-something-is-up

I think this is the previous thread.

Millie2016 · 21/09/2019 15:19

OP if this was your previous thread I posted a couple of times asking what you wanted from this man and what more could he do to reassure you.
Sorry but I think you are becoming obsessed with this. He’s done nothing wrong apart from have a female friend. You are going to drive him away.

Itsnotmesothere · 21/09/2019 15:34

Please please dump him while he's just a boyfriend OP. Upsetting for you but very easy to get rid of him now.

PepsiLola · 21/09/2019 15:44

I would ask to go round to hers with him, see his reaction .

But I'm sure you know deep down they have feelings for each other

supersop60 · 21/09/2019 15:46

Millie2016 - this is not 'just a friend'.
This is a woman he fancies, and he is now loving being the rescuer.
It does not bode well OP. Please give yourself some value, and send him packing.

Ludways · 21/09/2019 15:54

No one can be friends with the opposite sex unless something sexual/flirty going on.

What utter bollocks!

1forAll74 · 21/09/2019 16:02

You are waiting and waiting,and time is rushing by, I personally would not like to be in this state of wondering what will happen to myself and a man who is totally confusing and tells you nothing.

TryingToBeBold · 21/09/2019 16:07

IF that is your post. And part of your insecurity is because he doesn't acknowledge you much on social media.
Then you need to leave.
I have all of my social media set to approve before it becomes public. I've been tagged In some right awful pics before. Never again.
My partner and I rarely acknowledge anything to do with each other on social media. We just aren't a very public couple.
And guess what. My best friend is Male.i like all of his stuff too.he rarely posts anything.. but I care dearly for him. And I've gone round. To do DIY!! I helped build some furniture when he moved in.
But the way half of you lot are acting, youd all be telling my partner to leave me!!

Bloody ridiculous.
Personally I think it's a little controlling and jealous and maybe you aren't quite suited for each other.

OctoberLovers · 21/09/2019 16:27

Finish with him.

His acting like a "single" love struck teenager

JemSynergy · 21/09/2019 16:32

He sounds in love with her. I also think that very few men can just be friends with women. I had a male friend for years and one day out of the blue he told me he was in love with me. I did not feel the same way and had been was in a long term relationship anyway.

31RueCambon75001 · 21/09/2019 16:42

Some men do love being the Knight in Shining armour.

It's a thing. Rescuer. It's only as a ''way in'' though. To win over a new woman. Like you could be in big trouble right now and he wouldn't notice. So it's only a form of foreplay.

TheMustressMhor · 21/09/2019 16:52

@Rosesinrome

I saw your previous thread and you got good advice on it - to end things with this man.

He really isn't interested in maintaining a relationship with you. You are constantly upset and anxious.

Someone who loves you would not make you feel like that.

Please have some self-respect and end things with him. If he truly has feelings for you he will come back and change the goalposts.

At the moment he has everything going his way. It must be torture for you.

Sorry you're so sad. What he is doing is remarkably hurtful.

31RueCambon75001 · 21/09/2019 16:59

At the moment he has everything going his way. It must be torture for you.

This is so true!

Can I recommend Brianna McWilliams on youtube? Break up with this guy and start recalibrating yourself so that you're no longer attracted to men who treat you like a fall back option.

I highly recommend this youtuber! This is like free therapy. Sit through all of these and if one resonates, digest it, watch it again, take notes

31RueCambon75001 · 21/09/2019 17:01

He is another helpful. Just listen to all of these with your headphones in. This guy wrote The Human Magnet Syndrome.

31RueCambon75001 · 21/09/2019 17:02

ThirstyGhost · 21/09/2019 18:24

Is this a slightly older colleague of his? I remember another one of your threads if so (not the one linked to). Honestly, based on the trajectory it's taken so far - yes, I think there is a good chance he is going to leave you to be with her. He's consistently shown that he is an emotional coward and is letting it play out without doing anything involving a spine, like ending his current relationship before starting on a new one.

I think you changed your username because basically this is the same thread again as previous ones, it's just moved on a little now as the woman is now single. The responses will be the same. Don't play the pick-me dance, dump him or at the very least give him a lot of space by getting out there and doing your own thing.

daisychain01 · 21/09/2019 20:27

Is this the same bloke who prioritises his family and friends, and leaves the OP alone at Christmas. I hope not, especially if he's now prioritising a work colleague over the OP. That would be seriously damaging.

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