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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what 12 year old boys do if they don’t game

72 replies

Somethingsosimple · 21/09/2019 07:55

We have decided to take our sons Xbox (year 8 at school) away for a while because he is becoming quite obsessed and withdrawn. I know it is a way of communicating with mates but I feel like he needs a break. He plays badminton and table tennis out of school but we live in a rural area so he needs lifts to visit friends. I’m always happy for him to have friends over but wonder what they would do if there is no gaming. I so miss the days of Lego etc. When he has friend over we usually drop them off at the cinema or bowling but when they come to our house afterwards gaming is usually involved. Anyone got any other suggestions or aibu to remove his xbox. At the moment I feel like i wish we had never bought it.

OP posts:

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 21/09/2019 08:48

I have a 13yo and a 11yo and we've never had a games console. Tbh its been a bit tough on my 13yo because it is socially isolating, the game du jour does become a shared social currency and when they can't have conversations about it during and after, they do get left out. That said I don't think I regret it enough to spend £400 or whatever on one and £50 a game.

In terms of what he does instead, he's quite in to wood working and usually has a project on the go, either researching, designing, or making. He also does a lot of exceptionally large scale and creative building projects in Minecraft (not shared or online stuff but just on our pc), reads a great deal, and plays lots of self contained phone app games too. So its not that he doesn't have screen time at all, in fact he has lots, but shared gaming, no.

ASauvignonADay · 21/09/2019 08:51

Bike riding!

KUGA · 21/09/2019 08:55

Agree with 00100001.

hopeishere · 21/09/2019 08:56

This is really interesting. We gone have and Xbox addiction but do have a YouTube watching one.

My DS1 (11) is useless at entertaining himself. He liked going out on his bike or going places (climbing wall, mini golf etc). But ask him to amuse himself in the house and he's stumped.

Some good ideas here to try...

Adversecamber22 · 21/09/2019 09:08

DS played football, watched tv, played board games.

He did have an Xbox at that age and he was allowed on it till dinner time but not after at all. I’m a gamer so am perfectly ok with it and have gamed for 40 years, I managed to go to a red brick university and seem to be a well rounded human.

DS did a lot of socialising over Xbox and I even heard them talking about homework sometimes. He is 18 now still games occasionally is learning to fly, has a GF and studies hard. He is out at the park run right now.

Gaming is only an issue if it becomes an addiction. I have gamed with some people who admit to having issues and those issues were not helped by gaming.

DS and I game together sometimes.there were times I even made up numbers with his friends and much to his delight my score beat theirs. We even took part in a charity stream and helped raise a couple of thousand pounds.

Just limit the time allowed.

thegreylady · 21/09/2019 09:09

My dgs is just into year 8. He enjoys Xbox but is restricted. He is very sporty, plays rugby and football. He reads a lot (absorbed by ‘Cherub’ series atm). He has a stunt scooter which he takes to the park. He also has a younger brother (10) and they play chess indoors and muck about with basketball hoop and treehouse in garden.

origamiwarrior · 21/09/2019 09:13

It was a game about a virus or something
Most likely 'Epidemic'. Quite a complex example of the collaborative team board game - a better one to start with would be 'Forbidden Island'.

I've by no means got this cracked (all DS wants to do is game with or without friends!) but here are some non-screen ideas for when friends come.

Crazy catch in garden. Or any other skill game (badminton net/basketball hoop) where they can challenge themselves to try and improve their 'best' score, but it goes back to zero when they 'miss'. DS and his friend made up an elaborate game where one was on the swing, and the other threw a tennis ball to coincide with the swing trajectory and they got a point each time when the swinger kicked it and the thrower then caught it. (Or something!)

Cooking - unfortunately it will probably need to be something unhealthy like brownies to get them interested, but it gets them off the screens.

Walking dog/doing an errand that gets them out of house. Or any house/garden chores e.g. clearing leaves/cleaning cars that you can pay them for. Amazing what 12 year olds will do for £1 cash!

Making bonfire in garden. Not very enviromentally friendly but all kids love burning stuff.

Metal detector for the garden. They get quite excited about the potential that they might find something of value, even if the best they get is a nail.

Sometimes to get DS and his friend's going on a card game or board game, I need to set it up right, so a dedicated table, crisps in bowls, hot chocolate, game ready set up, etc. If I say 'play a board game' they refuse, but if it's all set up for them, ready to go, then they will happily play all afternoon (as mentioned above, 'Forbidden Island' is a good one for that age).

AlliKaneErikson · 21/09/2019 09:19

My 12 yr old does play on the X-Box, but not a great deal (it’s not linked up to the internet so can’t chat to others when playing). He plays a lot with Lego and also plays trombone and piano. He also loves playing board games with this sister and watches a lot of football on tv. He isn’t into going out and ‘hanging around’ like some of his year group have taken to doing.

Fishcakey · 21/09/2019 09:35

If I took my DS Xbox away he would lose the big common ground between him and his friends. They are out and about together when the weather is good but when it's dark or cold they are all on their respective Xboxes chatting and playing games in co-ops. He is 14 now so the games they play have changed a bit but when he was a bit younger and Minecraft was all the rage they all used to work together to build stuff, solve problems etc It's not just shooting people, it's actually quite constructive.

woodymiller · 21/09/2019 09:35

Build Lego
Walk dog
Watch movies
Play board games
Play football
Follow local football team (season ticket holder)
Watch football on tv (series record set for every post match analysis programme)
Watch football on YouTube
Put up posters of footballers
Follow footballers on Instagram
Read football programmes and magazines
Grow really quickly out of football strips and boots and reluctantly get dragged to shop for more.

Carpathian2 · 21/09/2019 09:44

My ds has an Xbox but doesn't really bother with it. His passion is his stunt scooter and his bmx bike. He goes to the local skate park every day after school and all weekend ( he does his homework at school, they have dedicated periods to do this)

Joey7t8 · 21/09/2019 09:47

When I was 12 it was all about kicking balls about - either football or rugby - and pretending you were playing at Wembley or Twickenham. I also accumulated a load of Lego over the years and spent many a wry day building various grand designs.

In retrospect, I wish I’d learned the guitar, but, as is typical of many young lads, I didn’t have the patience.

Metempsychosis · 21/09/2019 10:04

Pandemic is the game not Epidemic. Board games are great but you need people to play with.

MonChatEstMagnifique · 21/09/2019 10:37

I think YABU to remove it totally because you think he's withdrawn. I think it's much better to let them game on the understanding that they have to do homework and anything you have asked of them and that they get a certain amount of time on it. Kids this age often do withdraw a little from how they were before because they're growing up. A lot of mums I know said Year 8 was when their kids changed quite a bit. I think some parents seem to think it's better if their kids don't game or have screen time but I think it's part of life today.

flowery · 21/09/2019 10:41

”I think I may have the one if the only 12 yr old boys in the U.K. who does not gave an Xbox or PlayStation and has never asked for one.”

Same here, DS1 says there is a group at school who are into gaming, and talk about it all the time. To obsession level. He’s not part of that group and has no desire to be. He does like playing F1 on his phone, so he does that on the bus sometimes, and at weekends. But he has plenty to do and certainly doesn’t feel isolated from his friends or anything like that.

MrsCalypsoGrant · 21/09/2019 10:48

There's never been any gaming here either. My 12 year old does word searches, knits & reads voraciously

flowery · 21/09/2019 11:05

”I think some parents seem to think it's better if their kids don't game or have screen time but I think it's part of life today.”

As I said, the effect on their behaviour of having no screens during the week has been absolutely transformative. I don’t just think it’s better, I know it is. The difference is incredible. I don’t feel we’re being too harsh because we still allow it on the school bus, and at weekends, but during the week once they’re home, that’s it, and it’s amazing. They take more care with their homework, they are a lot less stroppy and short-tempered, their general attitude is better, they are more pleasant to be around, they interact better with each other and with us, they spend more time outside in the fresh air.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 21/09/2019 11:28

Flowery I agree with you.
Mine even help out with the chores with no complaints now.
It makes a huge difference as far as I’m concerned.

1ColdFish · 21/09/2019 11:32

Can I ask if you let him play out?

My eldest lad has just turned 13 and I'm not sure on your stance on playing out but mine are and have been allowed freedom to play out since 7-8. They would do simular things I did as a kid... build dens in a forested area at the back, bike ride, bike and scooter stunts, play football and cause the odd bit of trouble. When I had a bigger garden they had a trampoline.

I remember taking away my sons ps4 for a few months... mainly because he became quite aggressive unless he was gaming and was constantly ignoring safety rules online such as sharing with his mates on live open chats where his house is and what not.

I gave him a recording device I had which you could upload to a laptop and he had good fun with that (before he got a phone). He was spending more time playing out and would go to the local youth club with his friends.

It is a shame they grow out of toys nowadays so quick with so much tech about... I thought my 9 year old (more of a Youtube watcher than a gamer) had a real talent for drawing at a younger age and spent lots of time making scrapbooks, drawing and even doing mini journals until but he lost interest and will not do this stuff anymore since tech took over.

1ColdFish · 21/09/2019 11:34

My boy was also more willing to play board games as a family when I suggested and took part when he had no PS4 also.

2cats2many · 21/09/2019 11:37

I agree flowery. Even the TV doesn't go on in our house until after showers have been had.

When I were a lass, I'd come home from school, watch kids TV and then when that ended and the boring TV came on, go and do something else like read or listen to music or meet friends. But now with Netflix, kids channels, TV on Demand, my children could loose their whole childhood to a screen if I didn't intervene.

Switch the screens off people and watch an explosion of creativity and connection happen in your homes (once the whinging dies down).

FaFoutis · 21/09/2019 11:42

Mine goes to the park with friends, cycles, makes animations, looks after the pets, reads, draws. He regulates his own Xbox time though so it's easy.
His brother (14) has a group of friends who all meet on Xbox after school. It's a big part of his social life so it would be a terrible idea to switch his screen off.

JumpyLiz · 21/09/2019 11:47

My 11 year old sold him X Box earlier this year in order to buy a scooter and skateboard. We fully expected him to regret it within a week, but so far so good.

Maybe another one might make it on to the Xmas list...

MinervaVause · 21/09/2019 11:56

Most likely 'Epidemic'. Quite a complex example of the collaborative team board game - a better one to start with would be 'Forbidden Island'.

The game is Pandemic and my just turned 9yr old loves it just as much as us adults. I think it’s a great game to start with.

My dc are 9 & 10. So a little bit younger but they only play PS4 on a Sunday.

They go to Aikido 2x a week, actually we all do, it’s been a great family activity for us. And they do Sea Scouts & Swimming Lessons.

The read, bake independently, build lego, play board games (Pandemic, Catan, Terraforming Mars) although he’d obviously need friends around to play, ds2 loves drawing and writing comic books, shoot hoops then shoot each other with nerf guns. Go to the green at the end of our cul-de-sac to ride their bikes. Occasionally they go to youth centre where they use the skate park, Ds1 will spend ages organising Pokémon cards, do housework.

They’ve both started using the sewing machine to make cushions.

The DC have even started getting on with each other better as a result.

Hopesorfears · 21/09/2019 11:57

That said I don't think I regret it enough to spend £400 or whatever on one and £50 a game
Not something you've researched much, you could get an Xbox one bundle (ie the console plus one game) for under £250 on Amazon. You don't have to obviously, but don't pretend it's about paying £500!

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