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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a bit sad about this sofa situation

40 replies

DiamonSofaTooDiamondy · 20/09/2019 21:50

I'm pretty sure IABU so would like a bit of sense talked into me:

We have a very cheap gumtree sofa that we've been meaning to replace for years and has been absolutely knackered. We are imminently going to move house and it is frankly unlikely to survive the move, and even if it does it won't fit. We were planning to get some new ones and my mother very kindly said she'd pay as a gift. It was a lovely offer and I was chuffed.

She has now rescinded the offer, and instead is giving us her (months-old, eye-wateringly expensive) sofas, because she's gone off them and wants to choose something else. They are lovely, cost about ten times as much as I'd have ever spent (or asked her to!), and I'm sure will look fab in the new house. But they're just not very... me. They're super-sleek grey Italian leather minimalist things. I'm more of a giant squashy plush-fabric sofa type of person. I don't feel we can say no to them and just buy our own as planned as she's already ordered her new ones and I think is seeing passing them on to us as a way not to have wasted money. And DH really likes them and is thrilled not to be spending anything Hmm. But I'm a bit sad that my opportunity to finally get a new sofa I actually really liked has vanished!

Tldr: DM is gifting us thousands of pounds worth of virtually brand-new sofas. I am (inwardly) sulking. AIBU?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 20/09/2019 21:52

Sell them
Buy ones you like

Life’s too short

Floopily · 20/09/2019 21:54

I think if she'd never said she'd buy you one you'd BU to be snooty about a free sofa if you needed one but she offered (yay, exciting, lovely new sofa i can choose myself) and then changed it to something that mainly benefits her (she gets what she wants, you get her old ones, disappointing) so a resounding YANBU from me.

buckeejit · 20/09/2019 21:54

I'd try to soften them with cushions & throws & spend your money on something else for the house. You can replace them in a year or less if you can't live with them. Your mum has done the same.

Neptunesgiraffe · 20/09/2019 21:55

I used to accept gifts from my family that I didn't want, for example my sister and sil brought round lots of their baby stuff (including furniture) for me to use with my baby. I accepted to be polite even though it wasn't what I wanted. I've had other things gifted to me. and I regretted it as i ended up with a house full of stuff that i didn't want/like/need. I say no, these days, unless its something useful that I like and need.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 20/09/2019 21:55

Agreed with selling them.

Cant be doing with minimalist sofas. Sofas are for squooshing in and lounging, not perching on.

Cherrysoup · 20/09/2019 21:56

Refuse them. They sound horrible. I couldn’t live with something so not my taste.

Butttons · 20/09/2019 21:56

Sell them and buy ones you want with the winnings

Neptunesgiraffe · 20/09/2019 21:56

Oh, @Greentulips has a great idea!

NoSquirrels · 20/09/2019 21:57

Sell them
Buy ones you like

Life’s too short

100% this.

Keep them for a month, then “realise” they’re just not suitable (too low, too slippery, too whatever) and tell your Mum you’ll sell them - would she like the cash? Hope she says no.

Span1elsRock · 20/09/2019 21:59

Tell her you've thought about it, and they're just not you so she's better off selling them and recouping some of her money.

Then save up and get your own that you've chosen.

Dairymilkmuncher · 20/09/2019 22:45

With all the money you are saving not buying a new one could you iazz it up with big cushions and soft blankets to make it more homely and squishy?

If that doesn't work wait a few months till you've saved a bit and try and sell/swap it online for one you love. Will be nice for your DH to have a sofa he loves for a while first though

Cheeserton · 20/09/2019 22:52

Sell them? That'll surely cause World War 3, no?

PanamaPattie · 20/09/2019 23:00

Sounds like even your DM doesn't like them - so why should you? Sell them and get the squishy sofa of your dreams

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 20/09/2019 23:09

Yanbu ... have a sofa you liked. Life IS too short.

fedup21 · 20/09/2019 23:13

Why is she getting rid of them after only a few months?! They can’t be very comfortable!!

TheNoodlesIncident · 20/09/2019 23:24

It's awful when this happens, people act like they're doing you a favour when really they're pleasing themselves. My mum did this, she arranged to have my wedding dress made by her dressmaker friend but I really just wanted to go out dress shopping to choose myself. I should've said No but felt trapped.

You can either say No Thank You or say Thanks and accept them, then get rid quickly in a while and buy what you really want. Don't be resigned to being disappointed AND putting up with sofas that sound uncomfortable and unappealing aesthetically! You've already had a turn of sofa-discontent, now it's your turn to have sofa joy.

GibbonLover · 20/09/2019 23:36

Love your username OP Smile

Do you feel as though you could sell them? Besides potentially offending DM, the only other issue I can see is that you might not get anything near what you think they are worth. How would you plan to sell them? FB is likely to be a piss take, 'will u take a tenner and will u deliver to this town 50 miles away'.

Maybe take a look at Pinterest for ideas to 'soften' it, perhaps with a contrasting chenille throw and textured cushions. Speaking of softening, do bear in mind that it takes a while for leather sofas to break in and they do get comfier over time.

I think they sound fabulous but I do have a minimalist home which friends have described as 'bare'. We like what we like though don't we, we can't change that, and it really is important to be happy with your sofa so don't feel like you're being a princess or anything.

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 20/09/2019 23:42

Just refuse the offer. Maybe your mum will sell them and could use the proceeds for your new sofa.

PancakeAndKeith · 20/09/2019 23:46

Turn vegan. No way you can have a leather sofa now.

PickAChew · 20/09/2019 23:47

Oh dear, they don't really fit in your lowly living room. never mind, you can sell them! Thanks mum!

SunshineAngel · 20/09/2019 23:50

I think sofas are important, and while it's really nice of them to offer them to you, you should only accept them if you like them and feel that they would fit with your room. I think it's absolutely reasonable not to want them - though obviously you may well not be bought any if you turn these down!

Funguy · 20/09/2019 23:53

I never like giant cattle for reclining on. Gumtree

BetsyBigNose · 20/09/2019 23:58

A bit of a wild suggestion... but could you not just talk to your DM about it and explain how you feel?

I guess it depends on your relationship, but in your shoes I would speak to my Mum and let her know how grateful you are for the offer, that they are lovely sofas, but that they're just not really 'you' and you had already been thinking about the type of thing you'd like to get and have your heart set on something soft and squishy.

You could then ask her how she would feel about the possibility of her selling them and then using some/all of the money towards buying you a sofa you'll love.

I think I'd be really disappointed in your shoes; looking forward to this really generous gift and having something in mind, only to have the offer turned on it's head. Imagine if this was you making the offer to your adult DC - wouldn't you prefer that they spoke to you about it, rather than stewing about it and feeling slightly let down and resentful?

I'm sure it's worth just having a quick chat about it, I'd hate a posh, sleek sofa too - you can barely see mine for cushions and cosy blankets!

pigsDOfly · 21/09/2019 00:10

Your DM clearly doesn't like them so she's being a bit unreasonable to expect you to take them off her hands and rehome them, and thereby save her the trouble of trying to sell them.

Thank her for the offer but tell her you feel the same way about them as she does, they're just not for you.

I don't understand why she is at liberty to spend thousands on sofas and ditch them a few months later but you don't feel you can say you don't want them.

Just because you don't have money to throw away on expensive sofas doesn't mean to have to take your DMs casts offs, even if they're expensive cast offs.

INeedNewShoes · 21/09/2019 00:21

I really would just explain that you're very grateful for her offering them to you but that you really had in mind something quite different.

Perhaps you could offer to help her sell them on eBay/Gumtree/Preloved and use the proceeds to buy something you like.

I would never have a leather sofa in my home. I can't stand the feeling of sitting on leather if I'm wearing a short dress and bear skin touches it (it's nails down a blackboard to me!)