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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel a bit sad about this sofa situation

40 replies

DiamonSofaTooDiamondy · 20/09/2019 21:50

I'm pretty sure IABU so would like a bit of sense talked into me:

We have a very cheap gumtree sofa that we've been meaning to replace for years and has been absolutely knackered. We are imminently going to move house and it is frankly unlikely to survive the move, and even if it does it won't fit. We were planning to get some new ones and my mother very kindly said she'd pay as a gift. It was a lovely offer and I was chuffed.

She has now rescinded the offer, and instead is giving us her (months-old, eye-wateringly expensive) sofas, because she's gone off them and wants to choose something else. They are lovely, cost about ten times as much as I'd have ever spent (or asked her to!), and I'm sure will look fab in the new house. But they're just not very... me. They're super-sleek grey Italian leather minimalist things. I'm more of a giant squashy plush-fabric sofa type of person. I don't feel we can say no to them and just buy our own as planned as she's already ordered her new ones and I think is seeing passing them on to us as a way not to have wasted money. And DH really likes them and is thrilled not to be spending anything . But I'm a bit sad that my opportunity to finally get a new sofa I actually really liked has vanished!

Tldr: DM is gifting us thousands of pounds worth of virtually brand-new sofas. I am (inwardly) sulking. AIBU?

OP posts:

DelphiniumBlue · 21/09/2019 00:22

Yanbu. Leather sofas are just not cosy. Throws and cushions slide around, your legs stick to them, and you must be so disappointed!

Okmama · 21/09/2019 00:27

I think we need a photo of said sofas to know for sure if YABU or not

flyingspaghettimonster · 21/09/2019 00:31

Just tell her ut is super kind of her, but you don't thonk they go with tbe style room you were planning and they are so new she should just sell them instead.

kateandme · 21/09/2019 00:40

do you have a sibling? "oh mum,sibling said she loves your sofas!so ive said we could stick to our original plan of you buying us one then she can have the one of yours she loves?"

shiningstar2 · 21/09/2019 01:22

If mum has decided she doesn't like the sofas she chose she may not be able to afford to buy new for both herself and you. It's disappointing after looking forward to new ones yourself but if they are both new and very expensive it is still a generous offer as presumably she could sell them herself.

If you can afford new yourself you just need to say no to this offer. On the other hand, with all the expenses of moving house, if this is going to stretch your finances and if the old sofa is too awkward to take with you, it would seem that you only have a few choices. Accept and make do until you can afford new yourself, accept and sell on after a couple of months, using the money to put towards what you really want or be honest with your mother, maybe asking if she would sell them herself and let you have the proceeds towards a sofa set of your choice.

MittsMajuna · 21/09/2019 01:26

Tell her you are now a vegetarian and you don't fancy sitting on a cow whilst eating steamed spinach & falafals.

1forAll74 · 21/09/2019 01:27

I would never decline an offer like this, to me,it would not matter if the furniture wasn't to my taste. Your husband is more sensible regarding this.

I have moved house about 12 times in my life, different types of houses, and although not short of money, I have always loved family or friends offering me furniture items that they don''t need,. I have usually managed to make things fit in my houses, or do up old stuff, which is my favourite thing to do.

BlackCatSleeping · 21/09/2019 04:38

I absolutely would decline. I’m in a similar position, we have a gumtree sofa and it’s so wrecked and uncomfortable. Next time, I want a comfy sofa with washable covers. I’ve been saving up for it. I’d just say thanks but no thanks and sort yourselves out.

GreenTulips · 21/09/2019 09:27

I’ve just purchased some extremely squashy sofas from an estate sale. £350 they were £2000 new a few months ago.

Worth every penny and we love them!

RedHelenB · 21/09/2019 09:38

This is so typically mumsnet. Her DH likes them. I think yabu as it sounds like they are a good quality sofa.

MountPheasant · 21/09/2019 09:55

Would you have enough space in the new house to get a chair? Could you buy a big armchair that’s more you? Something like the attached?

AIBU to feel a bit sad about this sofa situation

bridgetreilly · 21/09/2019 10:11

Say no. You are in no way obliged to live with her mistake for years!

MadMadsMum · 21/09/2019 10:21

I can understand you being a little disappointed at not getting to choose your own sofa as it’s such a big part of your home.
I think you need to decide whether you’d rather have the free less suitable sofa or buy a sofa you’d prefer. If it’s the latter, I’m sure you can have a conversation with your mother that appreciatively declines her generous offer. She sounds very kind so I’m sure she’d understand.

paxillin · 21/09/2019 12:00

Can you afford new sofas without her help? If so, I would turn her sofas down. If not, thank her, take them. Once you can afford new ones, tell her you found they aren't quite right, just as she did.

Josephinebettany · 21/09/2019 13:36

Oh definitely sell them. Just explain exactly what you told us. They're not to your taste and you were looking forward to choosing your own. You're delighted with her offer and can put the money towards what you want so they are very much appreciated and a great help.

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