To expect people around me to adhere to the basics of personal hygiene due to my low immune system?

[VeyVey]

I battled sepsis 6 months ago and as a result my immune system is non existent, I'm run down with back to back bugs and viruses and I'm quite miserable about it at the moment to be honest.

Obviously I want to do what I can do avoid getting sick (not that it seems possible) so I'm on lots of vitamins and eating well etc, but I've asked the DC's father to be more vigilant about handwashing which he is utterly useless with, I've noticed him leaving the bathroom after using the toilet without washing his hands for example.

I've also been encouraging him to sort out his foot problem which I assume is athletes foot, but all he does is take offence.

AIBU to expect those I live with to give a shit about their personal hygiene when it impacts others in the home with low immunity.

I promise I'm not a nag, I'm just so tired of being ill and think it's the least he could do really.

Chiropodist or gp and no tolerance for filthy habits. Seperate beds or sleep on the sofa (him obvs) till he complies. Try to talk about it calmly when it's not actually happening.

Is it possible for you to both attend the GP together? Your GP might be able to explain to him why exactly he needs to start washing his hands and generally be more hygienic, if he just doesn’t understand why you might become ill as a result. And of course, he can deal with his nasty feet.

YANBU
I had 2 large surgeries and am still recovering over a year from the first and over 6 months later from the second - major abdominal surgery plus chronic illness for several years means it is still very much an uphill struggle. The gp is of the opinion I’m still getting stronger. Just will be very slow progress due to where I was health wise pre op. My immune system is shot. I have lingering tongue thrush that flares up every time I have a cold since my ops.

His feet sound horrible. And probably quite uncomfortable. My DH used to have awful athletes foot (I assume, it was something like that anyway). It looked vile & smelled worse. It massively improved when I persuaded him that he should remove shoes & socks immediately after getting through the front door. His feet are perfectly ok now.

The hand washing thing is rancid, though, & is entirely & immediately within your DP's control. Pure laziness.

Your partner is being rude and disrespectful, and gross.

I am afraid he'd not be touching me with those hands.

YADNBU

@VeyVey see if you are allowed to take cats claw as a supplement, it’s amazing at boosting your immune system. X you can get it from the health food shop, I’ve used it for years and I’m never ill.

He has to store his dirty socks in a plastic bag tied up, before washing them in a seperate wash, he can't put them in the family wash basket as the smell penetrates everything else. It really is that bad but he refuses to do anything about it.

Ok, that doesn't sound normal at all. Is he bad at taking care of himself in other ways? This sounds a bit like a deeper problem.

Eww @VeyVey , that's gross that he doesn't wash his hands after using the loo, and the foot thing sounds minging. I would not be fond of or attracted to this person, especially if I were ill. I suppose all you can do (unless you decide to throw him out, which I would completely understand) is keep telling him. Feel better soon and hygenic hugs :) xx

You can get spray/roll on high strength antiperspirants like driclor or odaban.

You apply it at night and after a few applications you stop sweating so much. It sounds like excessive perspiration, athletes foot doesn’t destroy shoes but sweat will.

He needs to book to see the gp or practice nurse, sounds like he needs proper treatment and concrete advice on self care afterwards. Asd does affect personal hygiene, dd forgets to shower and even has little accidents as she running to the loo because she left it too late - she's an adult.

Sorry to hear you've been so ill op. Re the foot problem - my DH suffers from chronic athletes foot - it's a certain type and looks actually more like dry skin all over the soles of his feet when it flairs up. For years (before actual diagnosis by GP) his feet smelt awful by the end of the day. So this is his routine now if infected:

1. Wash feet with tea tree oil containing wash - Australian body care skin wash is expensive but very good.
2. Put athletes foot powder on after showering in the morning
3. Cotton socks during day - none or change after work.
4. Birkenstock's for round the house - with socks in winter, without in summer
5. Athletes foot cream - containing an anti-fungal such as fluconazole or clotimazole rubbed in at night.

If showering at night I would recommend the reverse - so always powder after showering to help keep the skin dryer as fungal infections like warm moist conditions. If feet aren't infected miss out the cream but use the tea tree wash and powder. Would your DH be able to cope with any of that? I understand Aspie as we have children with it and yes I know it can affect self care.

Thank you for the immune boosting suggestions, I'll look into them straight away. At present I'm having one or two 1000mg disolvable vit c tablets a day and probiotic yogurts, have just bought some Centrum and seperate zinc today too.

We're already sleeping separately btw, foot problem aside he's a snorer and he drools in his sleep and I can't tolerate it. I'm making him sound awful aren't I. He does alot for me and the DC and has an abundance of wonderful qualities, but these things are a huge sticking point for me. I have no patience for it.

I raised it again just now about the handwashing etc and he looked offended and said "alright then"

lumpy76 how you've described your DH's feet is EXACTLY how my DP's are.

I'm noting these suggestions thank you all.

The problem is he knows what he needs to do and just won't do it. He's too embarrassed to see his GP about it or a chiropodist (sp?)

We were in poundstretcher today and I showed him some products for problem feet and he said he doesn't want them. I should have bought them anyway but I already know he won't use them. I don't know what it will take for him to do something about it short of me ending the relationship which I really don't want to do because I love him dearly.

I put up with alot as a result of his aspergers, our DS is also autistic so I'm only too aware how being stuck in their ways is a huge thing.

YANBU. Disgusting.

I've had athlete's foot a few times over the last 20 years (related to long distance treks). It's never once stunk (and yes I have smelled my own feet to check and asked partners). If his feet are stinking I would suggest that the infection is very advanced or is something else. He should go to the doctor.
If he refuses to do that, he should try Lamisil Once (I have found this to be the most effective treatment) but you do have to be scrupulous about hygiene or it won't work. You need to wash socks on 90 or get rid of them altogether and buy new. You should also consider getting rid of shoes if it is a really deep-seated infection.

I think he should be adhering to the basis of personal hygiene whether you have a run-down immune system or not! It's just disrespectful not to wash hands after using the toilet and not to treat a smelly foot infection.
You need to have a serious talk to him. He needs to sort it out or you will have to avoid contact with him - touching his hands etc.

Urgh that's fucking unattractive, the fact he's leaving his manky feet and not washing hands when you've been so ill is disrespectful and shitty. Given your descriptions of his feet and shoes/socks, he sounds like an ex i broke up with years ago. Couldn't stomach kissing him, let alone sex!

He was a lovely bloke too, except for the lack of regard for all our health and noses! In the end i stopped 'nagging' about the poor hygiene and was honest in saying i was completely turned off him. Funnily he then did do something but too little too late.

Be as firm as you need to about this. My daughter had a weakened immune system and died because our idiotic friend came round to our house, held her and breathed all over her when he had a virus. It sounds OTT but these things can literally be life threatening. Tell him to wash his hands!!

I'm so sorry for your loss Robs20, as a mum that has saddened me. What an utterly thoughtless moron your friend is..

Truly sorry

If he is behaving like a child then treat him like one. Book a GP appointment for him and take him there yourself. I’d take the bag of socks too just to hammer the point across to the GP.
If he refuses to go it’s time for an ultimatum. And mean it.

I am itching to get hold of those feet and sort them out! Can you stealth bomb them with tea tree oil while he's asleep?