To expect people around me to adhere to the basics of personal hygiene due to my low immune system?

[VeyVey]

I battled sepsis 6 months ago and as a result my immune system is non existent, I'm run down with back to back bugs and viruses and I'm quite miserable about it at the moment to be honest.

Obviously I want to do what I can do avoid getting sick (not that it seems possible) so I'm on lots of vitamins and eating well etc, but I've asked the DC's father to be more vigilant about handwashing which he is utterly useless with, I've noticed him leaving the bathroom after using the toilet without washing his hands for example.

I've also been encouraging him to sort out his foot problem which I assume is athletes foot, but all he does is take offence.

AIBU to expect those I live with to give a shit about their personal hygiene when it impacts others in the home with low immunity.

I promise I'm not a nag, I'm just so tired of being ill and think it's the least he could do really.

Is he your partner? Do you live with him?

Yes and yes

How can you be with someone who doesn't even wash his hands after the toilet? That is disgusting. Tell him to wash his hands. And sort out his athlete's foot as that is contagious, right?

Believe it or not the lack of handwashing after using the toilet has only come to my attention recently, presumably because I'm on high alert about germs. It never occurred to me that he didn't wash his hands after using the loo.

He does shower but that does nothing for his feet unfortunately, yes I think it's contagious hence my badgering him.

Whenever I raise it he just sulks

People are grim. I have a robust immune system and I expect my DH to wash his hands after using the lavatory.

He’s being lazy and clearly doesn’t feel he could cause an issue for you. Either that or he doesn’t care.

Would it help if a professional gave the same advice about hygiene rather than you so he really gets the message? For example get him to come to the doctors with you and let her explain? I honestly do t know about sepsis but having has a weakened immune system for years I don’t tend to use public transport, use hand sanitizers and I’m careful opening doors with my sleeve etc so I don’t touch anything. My pals don’t come round if they or a family member has a big as they know I’ll catch it. My ex was useless. Didn’t believe any of it. I was just lazy. Thanks. (He’s history now).

Massive manchild. I'm sorry I don't think there is a cure.

I wasn't warned about the hit sepsis would give to my immune system, it became apparent very quickly after leaving the hospital and now health professionals are telling me it's to be expected and will take a long time to recover

I'm currently unwell at the moment with god knows what but spent a few hours cleaning, only for him to leave the kitchen in a shit hole after cooking.

He's dosing on the sofa at the moment and all I can smell is his fucking feet

This guy sounds pretty grim tbh - I think the sepsis is almost beside the point, he’s just being plain gross and it would be an issue for me whether ill or not.

I am immunosuppressed. I would be absolutely livid if DH behaved like that. Fortunately he cares about me and is very careful.

Your partner sounds selfish and ignorant. I couldn't live with a man like that.

He may have a bacterial infection as well as a fungal infection.

Either way you can help matters by chucking away shoes especially ones he wears everyday or nearly everyday. You can also chuck away any socks of his you suspect aren't a high percentage of cotton. Accidently dropping stuff like oil on them before you chuck them away, means they can't be found in the bin.

I should add I dumped an ex-boyfriend when I realised he only washed his hands when watched. DP has friends and a DC with a low immune system so I knew when I met him he would take basic hygiene measures.

I'm at the end of my tether with it I really am. IRT throwing out old shoes, I did exactly that and he went in a HUGE mood about it. He somehow took it as an attack.

He has high functioning aspergers btw, if that makes a difference, although probably not.

If anybody with suppressed immune systems have any tried and tested ways of improving their own I would be so grateful.

Autism does make a difference to self-care.

But yunno if someone told me I might kill them because I'm being a mink it would increase the chances of sorting myself out.

I've told him oh so many times I really have, I'm at a loss as to what to do other than lob him out which I wouldn't do as aside this he's a lovely person

I'm sorry you've been so ill op, that must be awful. but unless he's actually ill, you won't catch anything from him or his unwashed hands (there would be nothing to catch).

Does he have athletes foot or just smelly feet?

IRT throwing out old shoes, I did exactly that and he went in a HUGE mood about it. He somehow took it as an attack.

You threw out his shoes?

It’s really weird how you describe him as “dc’s father “ rather than dp or dh,

Yanbu, and he is being rank and selfish

I'm pretty sure it's athletes foot, it's a pungent foul smell that doesn't go away regardless of how often he showers.

He virtually destroys his work shoes from the inside out, the excessive sweating literally ruins the shoes. He gets new ones, rinse and repeat.

He has to store his dirty socks in a plastic bag tied up, before washing them in a seperate wash, he can't put them in the family wash basket as the smell penetrates everything else. It really is that bad but he refuses to do anything about it.

I don’t think you should have thrown out his shoes, though!

When I say I threw out his shoes what I meant was put them outside, in the porch way, not in the bin. I didn't bin them but to be honest he should have done himself.

YANBU OP. My immune system is compromised after having blood cancer and a stem cell transplant. I'm alot better now but earlier on we had a note on the front door warning people not to come round if they had an infection, family and friends had to use antibacterial hand wash when they came round, we would wash our hands a million times a day and my partner frequently washed all the door handles and surfaces daily and did many other things to try and keep me safe. We both had to avoid going to public places for a long time. My partner made alot of sacrifices. I don't think it is asking much for your family and friends to at least wash their hands and follow basic hygiene to keep you safe

I completely agree with you on this one.

When I get sick I get really sick and have massive cold sores etc. It drives me insane watching people cough and sneeze everywhere without covering their face or washing their hands. STOP SPREADING YOUR GERMS.

Compromised immune system or not, the foot stink is unacceptable.

He’s being very rude and disrespectful towards you. He just doesn’t care about you. These might be minor things to him, but in turn they could make you very poorly, so that should be a wake up call for him to stop. He isn’t and doesn’t see the issue, so he clearly doesn’t care about the possible ramifications for you/your health.

His feet sound beyond rank as well. That’s absolutely not normal.

TBF throwing out shoes is recommended if you are going to treat a really bad athlete's foot infection. But there is no point if he doesn't actually treat it!