Delicate topic and unsure if it's worth the upset

[gazingahead]

In a conversation with MIL recently she told me that she has incorporated a special clause in her will stating that, since DH (my DH, her son) was a sperm donor when much younger, any children who seek him out aren't entitled to any of her money.

I said this was news to me as I was certain DH had never been a sperm donor. Our child is donor-conceived (male donor) because DH did not want to have his own genetic offspring because of the risk of passing down an inherited condition on his side of the family. It was his decision and I respected it.

Everyone in the family knew about this and it's not kept any kind of secret, including from DC. I have had conversations with her about it.

Obviously throughout the whole process it would have been the world of weird if my DH had not mentioned that he himself had donated and I told her I did not believe it. She was just very sure she was right and said she had had it confirmed. I queried who by and she confessed that it wasn't DH, but his sister had told her and her own husband had confirmed it.

DH has since confirmed to me that of course he never donated, but did remember discussing it once with his sister when he was broke at university (back in the £40 quid a shot days), he was only pondering.

My Aibu is, would I be aibu to mention it? MIL and I have an outwardly good relationship but much crap has flown under the bridge. If DC were ever to see that will, for example after we are dead, he could think that his father chose not to beget him but to beget others? I know this is incredibly unlikely but I just don't want it written down .

I asked DH to update her doesn't seem to have got round to it.

Do people really see wills that their grandparents wrote?

I had to deal with (read) my mother's will when she died, but I never read any of my grandparents' wills.

OP's concern feels very... British. My children might learn this & then might assume that. Just set them straight when & if they do 'learn this'.

I found the will of my 6x grandfather online, and also the will of another forbear - GGG grandfather, different branch of the family. Maybe unusual cases, but more and more as genealogical tools are digitised I suspect people will be able to access wills.

yeah but those are ancient. You don't have a personal relationship with 3xGrandfather.

Mathanxiety I did think about digitisation so that's really interesting and has strengthened my resolve for her to edit it at some convenient point in the future (when she cuts us out ).

I know really it's kind of a non-issue and really unlikely, but it was already a non-issue when she wrote it in her will. It's a sensitive issue for me because we have explained the use of a donor to him by saying daddy's seed wasn't the right type. It's why I made sure I didn't get pregnant naturally since. I know this is about our history (btw Math you were once a regular on my trials and tribulation posts with the same MIL, several years ago now!).

gazingahead that's amazing
I hope your DH can bring up the question of donation with his mother.

I honestly wouldn't assume anything wrt a will, sadly.
I don't think he has a problem with donor conception per se. She wasn't thrilled that we took that route, and has mentioned it to me a couple of times, along the lines of she wishes he was DH's genetic child. I don't love it when she says that, but I do understand it as a feeling.
This might end badly. I would try to seek clarification that she does not intend to exclude your DS from inheritance, assuming other DGCs are included.

I assume she has taken the advice of a solicitor before amending her will the way she has amended it? If so, I wonder why a sol would agree to the express exclusion of offspring resulting from donated sperm if it's such a legal non-starter anyway?

BrexitSucks the will of my 6x grandfather made it clear that I would not have chosen this man as my ancestor if I had the choice. It has caused me to reexamine the 'relationship' I have with the image of my family and origins.

Despite what several PPs have said, it is obvious that your MIL's will only applies to any children who resulted from your husband's supposed sperm donations. It isn't aimed at your child at all, since he isn't one of those mythical children.

Seems to me that since you absolutely know that DH didn't donate when he was young, and since you both know that there are never going to be any children turning up to claim on MIL's will, you really don't have anything to worry about.

I'd certainly suggest that your DH should have a frank talk with his mother when he can, to clarify this idea she has about him donating in the past. Then I'd leave it be.

Thank you so much for all your posts. I sent the email to MIL copying DH in and she hasn't replied, which is fine as she's traveling. She would never, ever treat our DC different to her others, for many reasons. It just wound me up because she was so sure when she told me.

Obviously I don't have anything to worry about with mythical children and this is not remotely about inheritance, but I do have to worry about several members of the family repeating as truth a fact that is categorically untrue and insensitive in view of our choices.

Math, I didn't question that when she told me, I just kind of assumed she'd said, oh put a para in along the lines of no offspring from those donations can claim. You're right though, the sol should have said it's unneeded. This isn't a £££ will anyway, very far from a honeypot for chancers!