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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 5 too young for sleepovers at friends house?

41 replies

Rhinosarefatunicorns19 · 20/09/2019 10:30

Just that really.

A mother at school is looking for someone to have her DC for a sleepover so she can do a social event. AIBU to think this is too young to do this at 5 unless you are family or a really close family friend that the child knows well?

This is all new to me so not sure what the norm on sleepovers is.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 20/09/2019 10:32

One of mine had his classmate over to sleep at 5 but I was friendly with his mum and they’d played at each others houses quite a lot.

Has she asked you? Or are you just judging?

Original poster
Rhinosarefatunicorns19 · 20/09/2019 10:34

she is asking

OP posts:
Boom45 · 20/09/2019 10:34

Neither of mine would want a sleep over yet, they're 5 and 7. And I'd not be comfortable having any of their friends yet - I don't fancy driving a crying, tired child home at midnight because they miss their mum.

Clangus00 · 20/09/2019 10:37

That’s quite cheeky. Can she not just get a babysitter?

Symptomless · 20/09/2019 10:39

It would be fine if you and the kids all knew each other fairly well and the parents were close by for a quick pick up if needed.

Proseccoinamug · 20/09/2019 10:43

Totally depends on the child and how comfortable you are with the parents.

My two had ‘sleepovers’ with my good friend’s dc at the ages of 3 and 1! I had hers to sleep at mine too. But we and they knew her really well.

And it was more of a ‘let’s give each other a break and it’s exciting for the kids’ thing.

Dc3 is 7 and doesn’t want sleepovers yet. I’ve had her friends to sleep here but she doesn’t want to stay away overnight. She’s never even stayed with grandparents.

But we don’t have the relationship we had with that first friend with any of the people we know now.

NoSauce · 20/09/2019 10:44

Has she asked just you? Is your dc friends with her dc, do you know her well? Those things would depend whether she’s cheeky or not.

Pinkmonkeybird · 20/09/2019 10:45

Tell her to get a babysitter! My DD was 7 before she did sleepovers.

Userzzzzz · 20/09/2019 12:08

It depends on the child and context. I wouldn’t be taking an acquaintance at that age but a confident child going to a best friend’s house would probably be ok. Mine is a bit younger but I could go through the list of her friends and guess which would be ok and which would struggle. An anxious or clingy child is unlikely to be ready.

MTBMummy · 20/09/2019 12:11

totally dependant on the child and context, DS5 had a sleep over aged 2, but he's "known" the family who had him since he was born, we're good family friends and spend a lot of time together, he's not had sleepovers with anyone else yet. DD9 is an exceptionally confident child and had her first sleep over at 3.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 20/09/2019 12:12

Too young I wouldn't until they were atleast 8. She sounds like a CF who wants free childcare.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 20/09/2019 12:19

My DD is nearly 6 and definitely wouldn't be comfortable going on a sleepover to a friends house yet. I can't see any of her friends wanting to do that either. Even at birthday parties most parents still hang around rather than dropping the DC off.

CalmdownJanet · 20/09/2019 12:21

Eh she is looking for a babysitter and dressing it up as a sleepover!! Cheeky fucker Shock Five is definitely too young

Windydaysuponus · 20/09/2019 12:21

Imo primary school dc =babysitting.. We have sleepovers in secondary school only.

Isleepinahedgefund · 20/09/2019 12:22

I think it's about how comfortable they are with the adults. I'd only have kids that young round for a sleepover if they knew me well - if they get upset in the night that's what counts, not that they're great friends with your kid.

If the kid is used to being palmed off on anyone going when mum wants to go out, that's a whole different issue....

Appletreehouse · 20/09/2019 12:24

If it was your friend and the kids know each other then yes. My 5 year old dd we have discussed a mutual sleepover arrangement with our friends who have similar aged children for school holidays, as we've slept over with them for weekends away etc (they're 2 hours drive away).

Random school mum you vaguely know? Not a chance

Nonnymum · 20/09/2019 12:26

I think 5 is too young personally .Also If she is asking people so she can go to an event its childminding rarher than a social sleepover.

Weedinosaurus · 20/09/2019 12:28

We have had sleepovers with friends from about 6. I’d say it depends on the child. I’d also say how cheeky she is to ask depends on how close you are. I’d ask a couple of dd’s friends without a second thought but some I wouldn’t approach at all as we only chat on the school yard. I have allowed her to those parents sleepovers when invited though.
Sleepovers have always been fairly common at dds school...I genuinely wasn’t aware that it was so different elsewhere.

User478 · 20/09/2019 12:32

Beavers (6-8) and rainbows (5-7) can go on organised group sleepovers but a parent has to be able to collect them if they want to come home.
What your friend needs is a babysitter.

Damntheman · 20/09/2019 12:35

In Norway all 5 year olds go away on an overnight stay with their kindergarten class in June (of their final year before school starts in the autumn). So is five too young? No. But they DO need to be with adults they know very well (like teachers or good friends). I'd take my 6 year old's bestie for a sleepover at this age, but he plays at my house all the time and I know his family really well.

A random 5 year old who hasn't been to your house much? No. Poor kid won't enjoy it at all.

FatAndFurious7 · 20/09/2019 12:48

I'm with the other posters, she's being CF and scouting for free childcare. That's not a sleepover and unless your DC and hers are really close friends and are trying to persuade you to let them have a sleepover then no. No free babysitting for her!

NotTheMrMenAgain · 20/09/2019 12:57

Good heavens yes, I think 5 is far too young generally! She isn't asking for a nice birthday sleepover or similar, she's asking for free childcare! Cheeky madam.

DD had her first sleepover at 10 and they've all been with good friends she's known for years. No way on this earth would I volunteer to have a fairly random 5 year old overnight - I'd expect tears and a trip home in the early hours to be possible.

confusedandemployed · 20/09/2019 12:59

DD is 6 and has been having sleepovers for at least a year now. But only with people and children I know VERY well. She absolutely lives for sleepovers.

PuffHuffle5 · 20/09/2019 13:00

I think it’s too young. Some might be fine, but I think realistically come bedtime there will be tears and ‘I want my mum’. That won’t be fun for you.

confusedandemployed · 20/09/2019 13:00

And I agree, if the mum is asking, she is a CF. It should only really be as a 'treat' for the kids, rather than as childcare for the parents. I think by that I mean that the child needs to want to go, rather than be forced to.

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