Special Educational Needs Register

[Charlieandthechocolatecake]

My gorgeous 7 year old who has the most perfect manners and is a steam train expert has just been put on the SEN register.

He has had problems at his school since he started in January last year year due to bullying.

Now he is on the SEND register. I don't know what my AIBU is. Sorry.

I don't even know why I mentioned bloody steam trains. The school have advised me that I need to pay for an autism test. Does the NHS not cover that? We can afford it but why doesn't the NHS cover that?

I love him, he's so lovely. I'm so sad.

Not sure what your AIBU. Sounds like they're trying to support him?

Don't be sad. He sounds a lovely little boy. The school have picked up that he might need a bit of extra support - it's not something bad. Waiting lists for NHS autism tests are very long which is why they may have recommended that you pay, if you think that's necessary. Have you asked them what behaviours have prompted them to place him on the SEN register?

He's so intelligent. I quit my job so that I could help him with his homework and confidence etc. His class are concentrating on their 10x tables tests due soon. He knows his 2x, 3x, 5, 10x tables off by heart. At home were working on his 4x tables.

His reading level is excellent. At home he is reading a couple of chapters of Harry Potter to me each night.

Sorry, did I mention that when he is tolld he is about to partake in am activity he doesn't like, he becomes aggressive. Kicks chairs, lashes out at teachers, leaves the room.

The poor TA has no choice but to follow him around the school until he calls down. He is REWARDED for this behaviour with treats of some kind.

What about the Joe or Jane in his class that are exceptional pupils? They don't come home on Friday with rewards!? It's not fair on my boy or his classmates.

He's not like this at home. He understands boundaries and rules. He is exceptionally behaved at home. He even offered to feed his 4yo brother his dinner.

I don't know what my AIBU is. I just need advice.

🙄

57ASauvignonADay I know, sorry, I'm just upset.

You sound really stressed - understandably. Often with children who experience sensory overload, they mask it at school and the meltdowns happen at home. Sounds like your boy is comfortable at home, where things are predictable and non-chaotic. School can be really demanding for neurodiverse young people. When you say he kicks off if asked to do things he doesn't like, what do you mean? What sorts of things are they? Activities he wasn't expecting? Activities which cause him sensory overload?

@CamembertIt thank you. I have been in constant contact with the wonderful Senco team at the school. Last year I practically had to carry him into school as he refused to go due to the bullying.

When he started at this school he came home everyday covered in mud. I assumed he was just playing around but it wasn't until I asked his teacher a few weeks later that she said other children were not being nice to him and pushing him over...

There's lots of support on MN for parents of dc who have special needs of one sort or another.

AIBU probably isn't the best area to unpick this for you.
Why not have a little think and start a new thread over in SEN and get some support there - people can answer your questions or just listen and hold your hand.

@26seym ?

@CamembertIt DS is already on a 'plan' where he is told what is happening now and what is happening next. I fully support the school, they are doing a wonderful job. I received a call from the DHT last week to say how well he was settling in. Just one day this week he didn't approve of 'what is happening next' and kicked off.

Again, at home he is wonderful, helpful and kind. I don't understand what is happening at school and why?

@BackforGood I tried! For some reason it wouldn't post.

It sounds like his behaviour is very challenging at school which is why he is on the SEN register.

Have the school said why they think you should pay for an autism assessment? Why can’t you just go to the GP with a report from the class teacher outlining his needs and ask for a referral to a paediatrician?

Do you think it could be because we as parents tend to tailor the activities our kids do around what they like? So there's nothing her him to complain about at home like there is at school?

Does he struggle socially, with other children or adults? Make eye contact and have a two way conversation?

He sounds lovely by the way

So he already has a support plan in place.

What are the targets on it ?

What about at his previous school ? How did he manage there?

Waiting lists nor the assessment with the neurodiversity team here are 18 months. He sounds like he has loads of strengths but finds emotional regulation hard. My sobe is similar but holds it together in school and lashes out at home. I found this useful. Hope it helps you too. www.heysigmund.com/anxiety-or-aggression-children/?fbclid=IwAR3m4I2AhOm5Ez3LLYGrA-3d46KVX3uhbEwpRo2jh7O79TQTbou2Rc9wf0Q

@fedup21 they've told me to go to his GP but I'd have to pay for the assessment. I'll as the school for a report so I can take it with me. Thank you.

You won’t have to pay for the assessment though! I don’t understand why they’ve told you this?

You won't have to pay for an NHS assessment, you will, however have to sit on a waiting list for a long time.

I can you feel very shocked by prospect of him being Autistic. I understand completely. I was shocked when it was first suggested that my son might be. As we sat to hear the results of the testing the first thing they said was to remember that no matter what they were about to tell us our son was still the same boy he was before we heard the results. Your son will still be the same wonderful boy who loves steam engines and is doing wonderfully at math. I know its hard to hear your child is Autistic, but I promise it will be okay if he is. Tone is impossible to "hear" in written word, so please know I'm saying all this will caring and understanding. I've been in your shoes.

You shouldn't have to pay for an autism assessment, first step is to see your GP to discuss your thoughts, the sence at school should arrange a SALT to do the initial observations in school & do the reports that are sent to the neuro disability consultant who with a speech therapist will speak to you & your child, it is a very long process but just keep on pushing. The senco should be discussing strategies with you to help your DC regulate his thoughts, emotions & behaviour in school, often something like a quiet corner or a tent where he can take himself off to helps or sitting at a table on his own if he finds others invading his space a problem. It is sometimes like banging your head against a brick wall, you feel like you have to fight for the smallest thing. Contact the autism team for your education authority, they can advocate for you & attend all meetings in school with you to support you & your child to get the best support at the right time. It is lovely to hear that another autistic child is mad about trains, my ds is 15, diagnosed since he was 9 & obsessed with trains, we have done buses, planes & now trains.

Hi, OP. I also have a 5yo steam train enthusiast and know more than I ever thought I would about Narrowgauge engines. My son is also on a pathway to a diagnosis of autism, and funnily enough I think trains are a theme with small boys who end up with this diagnosis. Like yours, my son is academically very capable but social stuff comes more slowly.

I'm sure you and the school have considered this but it sounds as though transitions and movement from one activity to the next is a real trigger for him. We use visual calendars and very clear instructions and as long as my son understands what's coming up next, he is content and resilient.

School.don't sound like they are supporting him at all.to me have they applied for an EHCP?n, no.you shouldn't have to pay for an Autism assessment ,The think school.are supposed to pay the first £6000 out of their budget to prove a child needs extra funding ,have school had an educational psychologist in?An autism diagnosis can take a long time depending on the severity etc i.would ask for a referral to CAMH,s ,my son is severely autistic and was diagnosed at three so I'm not sure who refers wether school can refer but the SENCO should be able to advise .

Keep in mind that in different parts of the country, there are very different assessment pathways. None of the 'routes' described above happen in my authority.

Hi OP,
Please ask to get your thread moved over to SN chat. There are a lot of wonderful people on there who will be full of great advice.
I know how you feel. My DD has autism and even though I know she has autism sometimes when I go to the school for a review, hearing her difficulties at school and about her behaviour can be very disheartening.
Many children with autism can have sensory overload which leads to them lashing out when they feel overwhelmed. My DD's school have bought her a tent to sit in when she's stressed. She also goes to library club at lunchtime when she's overwhelmed at lunchtime. She's also moved classes and is much more settled and happier with her new class.
Your DS is still the same wonderful little boy. It can be very hard to hear and I understand the sadness that you feel.
The school are talking nonsense about paying for an autism assessment. It's done via your GP although takes a long time. You can collect supporting evidence from the school which might help.

You can also apply for an EHCP even without a diagnosis like a PP said which will entitle him to additional help and support.