To suggest it's not ok to call to see a newborn in the evening?

[Alicia870]

A friend has just had her second baby and already has a 3 year old. Other two friends suggested going to visit her an evening next week. I am one year into being a mum myself and those newborn days aren't such a distant memory. I can just remember the evenings being the absolute worst time of day. I was so exhausted at that point in the day having been up the previous night and for nights prior to that. Not to mention the impending doom of the sleepless night ahead. Baby always seemed to want to feed for ages after 6pm especially in those early days. I hated the evenings and I think if visitors called in I would have locked myself in the bathroom and cried!
I suggested I don't think evening is a great time to visit a mum with a newborn and toddler- as she will likely be so tired at that stage of the day and also be putting the other child to bed- was I being rude? My other friends (who aren't mums just to add 😬) seemed to be a bit stubborn and that it was the time that suits them best with work.

A glass of wine might relax both mother and baby

Ask the Mum!!! Everyone is different, (sometimes every day is different).

I would have loved an evening visit. My babies were not sleepers and evenings could be lonely

I preffered evening visits.

So unless you have spoken to her then yabu to decide for her.

I’d ask the mum as everyone is different.

I still dislike people coming in the evening expecting to see the baby. He’s bad tempered from 5pm and then we feed/bath/bed 6.15-7pm and after 7pm I just want to lie down!
In the newborn days he screamed relentlessly, especially at that time of day.

I agree with you, but every baby and family is different so I would ask the mum and tell her to be honest.

Maybe ask the woman and don't assume. I wanted to spend the weekends with my partner and would have hated a weekend visit. In the morning my kids both slept in (I know very lucky) we were rarely dressed before midday so would have hated a morning visit. Both kids went to bed late so a post 6pm visit would have been ideal. I also wouldn't want people round without partner there as toddler would have been needing amusing and I wouldn't be able to talk to guests. Both would have been awake and partner would be back from work to make the tea while I chatted. Not everyone has the same rountines.

suggest to ASK the new mother when it's convenient for her?

Evening would have been absolutely fine for me, didn't put toddlers in bed until 9pm so they could see their dad. We all slept later in the morning (apart from said dad )
Changing routine when I went back to work was horrible.

So just ask...

I dunno
It depends
I found it a lot easier with number 2 and was summer so the eldest was up later

Just ask

If your talking after work at like 6pm or 7pm then I think that's ok. That's when a lot of my friends came. Also some friends that had kids waited until their kids were in bed to drop by so it was just them and their kids weren't around too. I don't think late evening is great because you sometimes want to try and get to bed early but as long as the new mum ok’s it then I think it's ok.

They phone and ask. Their friend either says yes or no. Just because you didn't like seeing anyone in the evening, doesn't mean everyone believes their lives stop. I feel this is up to the friend and they may be fine with a bit of evening company (and wine).....if not- she can tell them and they can rearrange or choose not to go at all. I personally wouldn't have stuck my oar in.

Well I didn’t mind.

It’s not unreasonable if your friend doesn’t mind.

It totally depends on the person! Last week I visited my friend who has a 3 year old after work. She asked me to come then as she can’t leave the house but her daughter is in bed so she can have a proper meal and conversation!

Last night I visited my other friend with a new born after work. Again, she invited me at that time. She said she likes to get out and about during the day but in the evening gets a bit bored.

It’s always up to the mum and every mum is different so just ask her what she would prefer rather than making assumptions on her behalf. Easy!

Yabu to assume either way - ask your friend.

With newborn I’d be fine with an evening visit. With my 3 year old, evenings visits are really tricky and would have been particularly bad just after ds arrived as dd was unsettled by the change in dynamics.

Well no, it wouldn't be okay to just call round in the evening, but presumably one of you would ask the friend ahead of time and ask what suits her?

How about you ask your friend what time would be best for her Instead of asking on here...

I’m sure the friend is capable of saying no if not convenient, you shouldn’t speak for her.
I have a 1yr old and never had a problem with evening visits.

I have 2 children, I'd have actually preferred people to visit early evening. Our eldest only went to bed at 9 and I'd usually just be sat there feeding after I'd stopped for the day. Everyone has a different schedule though, ask your friend, she might prefer evenings too.

Jeez. Just ask the new mum instead of assuming everyone is the same as you.

I have no problem with evening visitors in fact I welcome a friendly face after a day changing nappies!

I found it really nice to have some adult company at the end of a long day, plus most of them were coming after work so not sure when else they could've? Obviously i didn't want 20 visitors at the weekend, so was nice to spread it out

YANBU

2 days after having ds 2, colleagues of my dp came round to visit at 5pm, they stayed till 8.30pm. We hadn't even had any dinner. I don't want to go into too much detail about who they were, but there was a reason we couldn't ask them to leave, we'll according to dp . My mum popped in around 2 hours into their visit and I think I actually burst into tears in the kitchen, she was raging. I was so exhausted and hungry and had a 5 year old aswell (luckily he had been fed) I couldnt even just get up and start cooking because we had nothing in and were getting a take away and I didn't want to phone it incase they thought they could stay for some. That was nearly 6 years ago and I'm still bitter about it!

YABU ask the mom.

Its shocking but everyone doesn't have the same routine, or baby on the same timetable.

But then that wasn't really because if the evening visit, that's because of the length of time. Don't overstay your welcome and it should be fine.

I would prefer to visit at evening rather than weekends as I feel the weekends can be the only time the dad gets to spend with newborn and mum and that they can be all together and you don't want to be interrupting that.

The things is, everyone is different with different babies. Talk to the mum.

I wonder if the op was expecting a different response (related to the friends not having kids so being totally clueless).

I didn’t mind people visiting in the evening, as long as they accepted that they might not get a cuddle due to the baby being attached to me for cluster feeding. The one notable exception were the friends who were told they were welcome to visit, just not at 7pm as we would be doing bedtime for our 3yo twins. They turned up at exactly 7pm. They are not welcome again.