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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to just jack this all in!!

50 replies

TwinkleToesForever · 18/09/2019 21:09

Badly need some advice from you wise people! I have a good well paid job in a big company. 3 years or so in. It has been the most stressful time from the start - very male, alpha etc. I bring it home with me and it occupies my brain 80% of the time. If I can stay for 4 years I get a big financial reward, which will be life changing, so I’m 3/4 of the way there. I’m really struggling at the moment, not feeling valued, having others take credit for my work, struggling with lack of confidence, very negative work environment and literally all I think about is leaving. However I am loathed to jack it all in having got so far, especially as the cash will give me the freedom to choose my next step and give me, hubby and kids a better life. I’m on 3 months notice and worked out I have another 7 months before I can resign and still receive the financial reward. So my question is would you stay for 7 months and ‘suck it up’ or would you say f**k the money and leave?!

OP posts:
FastAway · 18/09/2019 21:10

I would stay. No question.

Surfskatefamily · 18/09/2019 21:11

I'd stick in for 7months

Surfskatefamily · 18/09/2019 21:12

Simply because 7months is a short time.. Focus on what you can do with that reward

Tilltheendoftheline · 18/09/2019 21:12

Yes I would.

Though I would make sure the financial reward is revoked if you hand your notice in. Or if you had your notice in and they decide to put you in gardening leave or something.

Basically, I would hand my notice in, in 7 months if I knew there was no way they could get out of paying the reward.

MrsMozartMkII · 18/09/2019 21:13

Stay.

Accept that was my decision and switch mindset. Go cold. You're not in it for the long term, you're in it for you and your family.

PegasusReturns · 18/09/2019 21:13

7 mths for a life changing reward? Of course I'd stick it out Hmm

Jupiters · 18/09/2019 21:13

I'd stick it out for the 7 months in this situation.

breakingthebank · 18/09/2019 21:14

I'd stay for 7 months. Can you use leave to give you a regular break during those few months?

eladen · 18/09/2019 21:14

Stay.

You sure you still get the reward if you're in your notice period at the time? Most contracts say people who've already resigned and are working their notice are excluded, although may depend what it is.

Just make sure you didn't stick it out that long and then resign three months too early to qualify. Probably safest to resign after receiving it. They might agree to gardening leave anyway at that point.

FaFoutis · 18/09/2019 21:14

I would stay.

highheelsandbobblehats · 18/09/2019 21:15

Stick it out for the 7 months. Is it the sort of company that shuts down over Christmas? Because that's a week/possibly two respite in the middle there.

You've broken the back of your time there. You're almost done. Be strong.

eladen · 18/09/2019 21:16

Even if it's ten months not seven I still think you'd be a fool to bail if you'd genuinely be in a life changing position in ten months.

Just build a plan for coping mechanisms to get to the end. It's no time at all.

positivity123 · 18/09/2019 21:17

Stick it out. But also try and find another way to make you happy at the same time.
If you know you are leaving can you ensure you leave on time, don't take it home with you etc?
Or could you take 1 months unpaid parental leave in the middle without it impacting your big bonus?
Or do something outside of work that will make you happier?

Original poster
TwinkleToesForever · 18/09/2019 21:18

Thanks so much for the replies, this is giving me the clarity. I 100% get the reward as long as I’m still employed the day the payment is due. @MrsMozartMkII you’re right - I need to dig in, go cold!

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleToesForever · 18/09/2019 21:19

@positivity123 parental leave is a great idea too!

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleToesForever · 18/09/2019 21:19

And yes that won’t impact my bonus

OP posts:
BritInUS1 · 18/09/2019 21:22

7 months is nothing for a life changing amount of money

Work out how much that is a day and it will make it seem more bearable

ToEarlyForDecorations · 18/09/2019 21:29

Seven months is 28 weeks (obvs) until you can resign.

So that's 28 Mondays - what could you reward yourself with, either big or small every Monday ?

How many hours in a working week for you ? Multiply that by four to make the monthly hours. It's heartening to see that there's two thirds of your life not spent at work. Keep playing with the numbers, even just for fun.

How many Bank Holidays ? How much annual leave do you have ? You will probably need some sick leave as you are human.

Make plans for your money when you leave. Surely that will motivate you to stay ?

GinAndBubbles · 18/09/2019 21:30

Been in a fairly similar situation (no kids and sum wasn’t life changing, but still a significant amount). I stayed... it was super shit and did impact my personal life, but I don’t regret it as the money made all the difference. Might not sound morally correct but I do not regret my choice. If there is anyway to not work those 7 months (and will not impact receiving the money) please explore those, ie do you have parental leave or even sick pay? Not saying swindle them but make sure you do what’s best and you get what you deserve.

Also, male dominated companies/industries, don’t get me started! But keep a note, all situations might not seem ‘a big deal’ at the time, but looking back and reflecting you may find you have a grievance or as an extreme, discrimination case.

Best of luck, you can do it!

CilantroChili · 18/09/2019 21:33

We do 40 weeks to get to have our children, if we’re lucky enough to have them.
Find some coping mechanisms and definitely stick it out Flowers

ToEarlyForDecorations · 18/09/2019 21:34

I'm guessing you've already done your last July and August ?

This will be your last Christmas and New year working at your current employer.

You only have one more Easter there. I'm guessing you may have already had your last birthday whilst working there. Last wedding anniversary/child/ren's birthday.

These, little milestones might help to break up the next ten months.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 18/09/2019 21:35

Yes, do stay. This is not your life - think of it as a very well paid temp job. When you look back on this period of your life in years to come, you will be able to say that you were resilient, strong and gritty. You endured a hostile environment for a reason. Otherwise you may look back on the 3 years you spent in the role with nothing but regret.

Jazzmin · 18/09/2019 21:37

I agree, plan your treats so you always have something to look forward too. Book a Monday off to have a long weekend? Midweek family meal out? Nails done in a lunch hour? Whatever, always have a short term goal of loveliness to look forward to.

Longdistance · 18/09/2019 21:46

Stick it out in your ‘fuck it bucket’ where you need to walk out of work and leave those problems when you leave the building?
It’s only 7 months where you can compartmentalise the BS until you reach the golden egg 🏆

Monkeyplanet · 18/09/2019 21:49

Stay