AIBU to just jack this all in!!

[TwinkleToesForever]

Badly need some advice from you wise people! I have a good well paid job in a big company. 3 years or so in. It has been the most stressful time from the start - very male, alpha etc. I bring it home with me and it occupies my brain 80% of the time. If I can stay for 4 years I get a big financial reward, which will be life changing, so I’m 3/4 of the way there. I’m really struggling at the moment, not feeling valued, having others take credit for my work, struggling with lack of confidence, very negative work environment and literally all I think about is leaving. However I am loathed to jack it all in having got so far, especially as the cash will give me the freedom to choose my next step and give me, hubby and kids a better life. I’m on 3 months notice and worked out I have another 7 months before I can resign and still receive the financial reward. So my question is would you stay for 7 months and ‘suck it up’ or would you say f**k the money and leave?!

I would absolutely stay and start making plans for that money! I know it’ll seem like such a long time to you, it’s difficult when work occupies so much of your personal brain space, but just think what you’d be saying to someone else, 7 months would seem no time at all!

Do you know what you’ll do with the money yet, OP?

I would stay just because it would be a big Fuck You to the company. Double triple check you still get the money in your resignation period though! If you do, Coast as much as you can for seven months, give it as little heads pace as you can and spebd your time making future plans instead 😁

Is there nothing else you can do to help stick it. An assertiveness course or something to help your self confidence?

Sticking out an awful job for a year really isn’t a big deal. For all you know, your next job could be worse. Get the money.

I'd stick it out but id have to find a way to manage my mental health.

Could you try a journal of some kind? Set yourself a specific time frame (eg 20 mins) after work where you fill in the worries and stresses of the day, followed by (eg 10 mins) focussing on what your life will be like after you quit.

Stay and book in regular leave breaks in the meantime. 7 months will fly by with Christmas in the middle.

Thanks so much everyone. This has been the single most helpful thing I have done. I’ve been desperate and feeling so lost. From your advice I can see I need to be less emotionally involved and more practical - look at things outside of work, put milestones in place. The worst of it is my boss ( one of the only women) who is unsupportive and lacks humanity. I will try to be more Teflon where she is concerned and look to the future!

I'm in the same boat (minus the reward!) and am finding this thread very useful...

Re your update - the manager isn't your friend and won't be and you don't need her to be. As you've said, emotionally disconnect. Just keep doing the job as well as you've been doing and keep your sights on the long game.

Make yourself a little chart, with 7 days marked fcr every week between now and the magic day that will be the last one you spend there. Cross off all the Saturdays and Sundays (assuming you work Mon-Fri).

Then cross off all the bank holidays. Then cross off all the days when you have leave booked.

Then cross off the days as they go. In no time at all, you will have to be at work for less than half the number of days remaining. Then you really will be on the home straight.

For added incentive, you can divide the life-changing amount of money by the number of days you'll still have to work there. The amount per day will increase as the time reduces, and the notion of jacking it in and losing £lots per day will seem more and more ridiculous.

Seven months is 28 weeks - sorry, but it isn't. It's over 30 weeks.

Maybe your boss also hates it there, hence us emotionally detached and comes across as inhuman to you?

Either way I’d stay, and do all the other helpful suggestions in this thread. Good luck 😁

STAY !

Definitely stay!

Does as PP have suggested

Treat it as a temp job

Count down the actual days you have to work - there will be less than you think

Disengage with the people at work - they are not your friends

Decide what you’ll do with the money!

Have you got career plans for after the job that you can start working towards?

I don’t know anywhere that pays bonus if you’ve resigned and are working notice but if you’re sure :)

I think you need to be more assertive in claiming your own work as your own work and getting credit for this. You'd then be more confident about your abilities, and that should help tide you over the 7 months.
Look up techniques for dealing with this. I'm sure there will be some good videos on You Tube.
One of the best things my mum did was enrol me on an assertiveness course. Made a HUGE difference to my career.

I'm with the others, absolutely stay but triple check that contract. I know people who've been in similar positions - for example company bought out, they own shares but can't cash in the shares straight away they need to stay for x long til they can leave.
Most companies know they'll have attrition after payouts so they usually have clauses in the claw back. If there is any doubt consider working til the bonus is paid.
You'll probably find there are others in the same position (maybe even your boss) if the payout timing applies to everyone

Suck it up. Warn your family it's going to be a bumpy ride (I did something similar fairly recently) and the closer i got to the finish line, the worse it got. (although I'd been there a lot longer)

I used to write resignation letters to let of steam. It was great. When I finally left I just wrote the absolute basic i needed to resign and never looked back.

Good luck!

I did it. Chucked it in. Difference was I was still entitled to bonus.
Working there gave me a breakdown - similar situation to you.

ToEarlyForDecorations 7 months isn't 28 weeks! It's 31/32 weeks depending on the months involved. There are not exactly 4 weeks to a month. How do you not know this??!!!

100% stay!

My top tips

• remember you are CHOOSING to go in - you do have a choice and you have other options but you are picking this...for now.
• detach. Don’t bother making small talk and leave the office for lunch
• get off a stop early if you can on the way home. A bit of walk home helps “leave the day behind”
• when something is really annoying me or making me angry I think “will this really matter in 2 years?” 🤷‍♀️ then I unclench because I don’t care that the boss of another department wants to give away services (I don’t have to deliver anyway) for free...
• start saying “I’m at capacity can X not do it?” “I’m at capacity this could be a good learning opportunity for Y?”

Hang in there and start planning the holiday of a lifetime what you’ll do with the cash!!!!!

Stay, you've got Xmas in the middle and try and use the phrase 'fuck it' on a regular basis... grit your teeth and stay

It's just half a year (by the time you deduct annual leave entitlement, Bank Holidays etc). One foot in front of the other. You can do this. It's easier when there's light at the end of the tunnel. I've been there with fairly ghastly (and much lower paid) temp assignments.

Just don't let the current employer catch you looking for other employment while you're still there, or give them any excuse to ditch you before the time is up. Best if your manager does not hear you singing the countdown mantra every morning, or find the calendar with a big red circle round your last day But you will be thinking it!

Again, thanks to you all for the encouragement. I haven’t really talked to anyone about this ( apart from hubby, who always says ‘don’t worry about it’ ) This thread has given me the courage to tough it out. I will double check that I am still entitled to the ££ within my notice period, pretty sure I will still be employed on the day it’s due. You’re still an employee within your notice period right? Thanks again mumsnetters, your advice is invaluable and I’m glad to see this thread is helping others too. This raises a broader question in terms of Why are some women so emotionally connected to work? From what I’ve experienced men just aren’t! I guess it’s lack of self esteem in the workplace. I sometimes feel my whole self worth is connected to my job when I have so many other things to feel good about . I think an assertiveness course could help. On my boss, she loves her job, is incredibly skilled at managing upwards but never has mine or the rest of our teams back. She regularly takes credit for others work. I always think job satisfaction is linked to having a good boss. That, and culture are key for me whilst considering my next move.

I had a quite expensive but very good career coach called Zena Everett. (She gets a lot of women trying to boost their confidence).