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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about not wanting SIL to babysit?

31 replies

ColdMarch · 18/09/2019 19:24

SIL babysits a few times every other week but the past few months she's been very unreliable.
She's not been giving DD the food and drinks we provide for her and has been taking her to McDonald's or just giving her chocolate and biscuits. Caught her out on a few occasions lying about it as she left loose food in the pram bag (ketchup everywhere) or found the remains of biscuits tucked away in the pram. I wouldn't have minded if she had given her the healthy food we packed first or had told us she would be eating out do we're not wasting the food.
I then realised she had been stealing from the pram bag, everything from nappies, clothes and cutlery to sudocream, Calpol and my asthma inhalers I'd been keeping in there ( took me a while to catch on!)
I'm sure it's her as when I mentioned specific items they showed back up in the bag without her saying anything. DH didn't see it as much of an issue although he is also convinced she's stealing, so I dropped it.
Today she was 40 minutes late picking her up after DH arranged for her to babysit and stay for dinner when she brought DD back (she refuses to babysit at our house). Then was over an hour late bringing her back and wouldn't answer her phone just texted she'd get the bus soon.
I had no idea where she was as MIL said she left at 4 but didn't arrive until gone 6, it's only a 20 minute journey.
Then made DH literally collect DD off the bus as she doesn't get off, just pushes the pram off and stated she was going to a friends, knowing we'd made her dinner.
The lateness threw off the whole bedtime routine making DD quite irritable.
DH doesn't seem as bothered as "thats just how she is."
I don't want her babysitting again as I don't trust her, AIBU?
It seems I'm the only one that's upset over it all.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 18/09/2019 19:26

It sounds odd and I wouldn’t be comfortable with it with a young child who can’t tell me anything about what they’re doing

PotteringAlong · 18/09/2019 19:27

A few times every other week? How much does she do for you? And why would she be stealing nappies?

Aquamarine1029 · 18/09/2019 19:29

Never allow anyone you don't trust to watch your child. You wouldn't hand over your wallet to her, would you? Then clearly don't hand over your child.

Alwaysgrey · 18/09/2019 19:29

It all sounds very odd but I’d stop her babysitting. You should be able to trust her with your child and it sounds very much like she doesn’t deserve this trust at all.

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 18/09/2019 19:30

Absolutely end this arrangement- no way should your child be with anyone you can’t trust implicitly.
If you need childcare find a professional

Slappadabass · 18/09/2019 19:31

All sounds very odd, if you don't trust her then definitely don't let her babysit again. It's your choice.

DelphiniumBlue · 18/09/2019 19:31

Why would she be stealing nappies and inhalers? That's really odd.
And if you don't like her babysitting, then don't ask her. The way you've written it, it sounds like you're complaining about a sloppy employee. Are you paying her? Even if you are, she doesn't have to babysit for you, she's actually a family member doing you a favour. If its a bit casual, does it really matter?

Bouffalant · 18/09/2019 19:31

Why is she babysitting? Is she asking to? Or are you asking her for favours?

Windydaysuponus · 18/09/2019 19:36

Find a new babysitter. Relying on family often doesn't end well.

RightYesButNo · 18/09/2019 19:43

... you don’t know where she was for two hours and neither does MIL? Your child is still in nappies so it sounds like they are too young to really tell you what is going on, but I would be proper worried. That SIL might be into drugs, might be taking my child somewhere while she’s getting high, keeping the child quiet with McDonald’s and biscuits, or who knows what. Stealing would also indicate funding something like a drug habit. If you have no idea where she was with your child today, when it should have been a 20-minute journey, you need to figure that out, and I suspect the answer, when combined with the thieving, the laziness in caring for your child, the skipping spending time with you for dinner, will end the babysitting. If it’s not drugs, it’s something. I would take this really seriously, OP. More importantly... how do you know she’s keeping your child safe? I 100% agree - if you don’t trust her with the contents of a nappy bag, do not trust her with your child.

Original poster
ColdMarch · 18/09/2019 19:44

She usually asks to babysit but occasionally DH asks her, we don't pay her but regularly make her dinner or get the the odd gift as it's mostly her asking. Not sure why she'd steal nappies but they keep disappearing, my theory is she's giving them to friends with children as she babysits a lot more for other people. Only reason I've let it go on this long is because DH, I even told him she shouldn't babysit two weeks ago after a similar incident but he wouldn't listen and arranged it without telling me.

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 18/09/2019 20:43

She wouldn’t be looking after my child again. The not answer get her phone abe being gone for 2 hours would be it for me.

WhyBirdStop · 18/09/2019 20:48

Why is she offering to babysit so much for you and others and then being odd and half arsed about it. It'd ring alarm bells for me

Windydaysuponus · 18/09/2019 21:06

I would be very concerned about where your baby is going...

HollowTalk · 18/09/2019 21:21

I wouldn't let her do it again. Not only is she stealing - your inhaler, ffs! - she's taking your daughter out and god only knows where she's going.

No way.

RedHelenB · 18/09/2019 21:38

But the babies father trusts her. No mention has been made of any harm coming to the child in her care.Maybe you need to find someone you can both agree on to babysit.

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 18/09/2019 21:54

How old is your DD? Are you and your DH at work or something and unable to look after her yourself? Not sure why you'd hand your child over like this unless there was an actual need. If there's a need then get proper childcare.

Cherrysoup · 18/09/2019 21:57

The lack of contact over 2 hours would make me say no bloody way. The stealing too. That’s beyond dumb of her.

Drum2018 · 18/09/2019 22:01

How much babysitting do you actually need? Do you not have regular childcare for your dd? Or is sil the childcare? If so, find a nursery or a registered childminder.

dollydaydream114 · 18/09/2019 22:09

So ... it’s usually her that asks to be allowed to babysit, for no money, and she also does this for lots of other people? And then she takes your kid out to McDonald’s and lies about it, refuses to give her the food you provide, and steals baby care items, inhalers and clothes and cutlery and also goes AWOL with your kid for a couple of hours?

In combination, this whole thing is weird as hell and I wouldn’t be leaving a baby with her, no. She sounds a bit unwell.

Skittlesandbeer · 18/09/2019 22:15

Be very clear with your DH that if he organises babysitting with his batshit sister, you’ll just ‘un’ organise it on the day. So no point doing it behind your back. Then make sure you do it. No drama, just smiley but firm ‘oh no, baby and I have arranged a play date/ a park walk /etc.’

No way would someone sneaky have sole responsibility for my precious baby. God knows what other sneaky shit she’s capable of.

MoreCookiesPlease · 18/09/2019 22:16

Wtf have I just read? Stop this arrangement now. She's proven herself to be unreliable and untrustworthy.

JollyRocker · 18/09/2019 22:23

Don’t leave her alone with your child again. Your DH needs to wake up. I would be seriously worried if someone has asked to babysit and then goes AWOL for a couple of hours. Where was she? Find out because God only knows where she’s taking these other children too...

Sparrowlegs248 · 18/09/2019 22:28

How old is she? Why does she want to babysit, and why do you let her if you haven't asked her to or don't need her to? Why don't you pay her? I think yabu for the whole scenario tbh.

TriciaH87 · 18/09/2019 22:32

So she steals from you, has your child but makes sure you cannot contact her, does not return your child when she should, is taking her god knows where for 2 hours when she was meant to be bringing her back. I would tell your dh that until she can be trusted she does not care for your child. What if there was an emergency with one of you, how could you let her know if she is ignoring your calls? I would put my foot down with this one it's about safety and trust which she needs to earn. She's stealing your child's belongings and that's not on. Has she list a child to explain that because if so I think she needs counselling.