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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH going through my stuff?

39 replies

Drinkandknowthings · 18/09/2019 18:10

I lost a purse today (well I noticed it missing today). There’s nothing hugely important in it, it’s just inconvenient.

I mentioned it to DH and he’s started going through my stuff to help me find it but I don’t want him to. I have nothing to hide but it’s making me uncomfortable.

But I asked him to stop and he got all offended and accused me of having something to hide.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 18/09/2019 18:13

Yes - YABU.

Why shouldn't he "go through your stuff"?

Have you got something to hide? He's only trying to help.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/09/2019 18:13

What exactly do you mean by going through your stuff? What stuff? Where?

Shoxfordian · 18/09/2019 18:15

How was he looking through your stuff?

gamerchick · 18/09/2019 18:16

Is there a back story?

Redwinestillfine · 18/09/2019 18:17

I would be worried that you're not comfortable with your husband going through your stuff to help you look for something. He's right to be offended. Is there a back story?

Original poster
Drinkandknowthings · 18/09/2019 18:18

My handbag, my makeup drawer, my clothes drawers. He’s not doing it tidily, he’s pulling things out and leaving them lying around.

OP posts:
Original poster
Drinkandknowthings · 18/09/2019 18:18

There’s no backstory

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 18/09/2019 18:18

I have my ‘stuff’ in my bedside cabinet. I would be irritated to have my DH go through it. It’s nothing major but it’s my mess and DH tries to organise me. Drives me potty.

AussieBeauty · 18/09/2019 18:19

Reverse the situation.
If he didn't want you going through his stuff when you were helping him find something, would you be offended?

TheMustressMhor · 18/09/2019 18:19

Ah. Being untidy.

That is unforgiveable, OP.

But helping you to look for your purse is generally a helpful thing to do.

Chitarra · 18/09/2019 18:20

If he was going through your stuff for no reason then YANBU. But he is trying to help! I'm not surprised he was offended.

ImogenTubbs · 18/09/2019 18:21

I was going to say YABU, but then you posted that he was making a mess so no, YANBU. Can't you, I dunno, ask him to stop?

SapphireSeptember · 18/09/2019 18:22

That would drive me insane, and if he's taking things out he can bloody well put them back again! Also, no one touches my make-up and lives to tell the tale, that is a line in the sand. I don't like anyone touching my stuff, ever.

Malvinaa81 · 18/09/2019 18:31

I suppose you started it (to sound really childish) in mentioning the lost purse; but a firm "I don't want you going through those things, I'll look for it myself, thanks" was required.

As for those saying what have you got to hide- that's not the point and if they can't see it, their advice might be better ignored.

GloriousGoosebumps · 18/09/2019 18:34

I'd be annoyed too. Chucking things around isn't helping, it's just making an unnecessary mess which you then have to clear up.

MegaClutterSlut · 18/09/2019 18:36

Yabu, I can understand it being annoying him being messy, just ask him to put it back correctly but I find it weird that you're uncomfortable with dh going through your things tbh

bunintheoven88 · 18/09/2019 18:36

Is it more about the mess OP or the fact he is going through your things? If it's the latter then YABU he was only trying to help!

LavaLamp5566 · 18/09/2019 18:41

I have nothing to hide but it’s making me uncomfortable

If you had nothing to hide then you'd have let your DH help. I bet you go through his things all the time

Anothernotherone · 18/09/2019 18:43

I understand what you mean. I don't like anyone digging through my bag or (perhaps weirdly) car boot or glove compartment. I certainly don't have anything to hide I just want a tiny space that's "mine". If someone wants something that's in my bag or car I get it out myself - my children or DH digging about would bother me despite the fact that the only thing I have to hide is that I lug too much stuff about with me "just in case" - which they know anyway.

For me it's partly that as a single woman I had awhile flat that was my private space, and even as a child I had my own room - as a married woman with children I've got almost no privacy and no space that's mine, except my bag and to a lesser extent my car.

I love my husband and children but do miss having a little tiny sliver of my own private, ring fenced space!

Anothernotherone · 18/09/2019 18:45

LavaLamp5566 why do you bet that? I never,ever go through my DH's things nor even my children's now they're all school age! Why would anyone go through their DH's stuff "all the time"? That's just weird!

Divebar · 18/09/2019 18:46

Who loses their purse in their make up drawer or clothes drawer? No one that’s who. There’s absolutely nothing that says because you’re married your OH has full rummaging rights on your belongings. Surely the most useful place to search would be reception rooms and kitchen where I presume people tend to spend a lot of time.

supersop60 · 18/09/2019 18:47

YANBU. I hate DP rifling through my stuff. Nothing to hide - it's just mine.
I don't touch his stuff even though it is spread throughout the house and dominates nearly every room

HollowTalk · 18/09/2019 18:50

Wow, all these people who think the OP is unreasonable for not wanting someone to go rifling through her things! It's not unreasonable for her to want a bit of privacy and respect for her belongings.

WanderingMind · 18/09/2019 18:53

I don't touch DH’s stuff and he doesn't touch mine. If he needs something which us in my bag, he brings the bag to me. Basic courtesy.

easyandy101 · 18/09/2019 18:56

Tone of update was different after it was clear the thread was going south

Grin
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