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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed at hubby for not looking after kids while i am at EPU?

30 replies

lauryloo · 18/09/2019 14:49

so i'm about 6 weeks pregnant and have had a stitch in my left side that has been sore since last night. I lug around my 4 year old with limited mobility a fair bit so its likely i've just pulled something

GP referred me for an early scan on Friday morning. I need to leave at 8.30 and the kids start school at 9. Hubby leaves for work at 8 and starts at 8.30. I asked him to start an hour late so i can go to my appointment, he said no because the school he works at is having a sponsored walk and he goes every year basically to have a bit of a day out. If he goes in late he'll have to spend the day doing actual work.

AIBU to think he's being a bit of a selfish dick about it?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 18/09/2019 15:23

I think I'd go nuts at him. He's a teacher? Most schools are very good at allowing time off for child care emergencies, which I'd say this is. He's a twat for just leaving cos he wants to do the sponsored bloody walk? Well, I'd say you just tell him you won't be doing a scrap for him from now on, no cooking, washing, even if you're doing your own. Fuck him.

myloveforfrazzles · 18/09/2019 15:29

Does he expect you to miss your appointment then,

orchid1234 · 18/09/2019 15:32

Posts like these always make me so mad! Its such a shame how many partners let people down for their own selfish reasons. You're definitely not being unreasonable to ask him to do a simple task while you have to go to the hospital, I wouldn't even ask him to do it, I'd tell him that he was.

HermioneKipper · 18/09/2019 15:52

What! Just tell him it’s not a choice - he needs to look after your child as you have an unmissable appointment. Can’t believe he wouldn’t do this! Is he not worried about you? Poor you, hope you’re ok

NotStayingIn · 18/09/2019 16:00

Normally with posts like this, every update reveals the DP/DH to be more and more of a useless arse and we are all left wondering why on earth the OP chose to have another child with him.

Marshmallow91 · 18/09/2019 16:03

In your shoes I'd literally say:

"oh it's fine then, I'll just miss my appointment, and if our baby is going to die, then whatever, as long as you get to go your fucking poxy walk"

Overdramatic, I know, and I'm sure everything is fine with your pregnancy, but arses like him get me so riled up Angry

Dontbsicily · 18/09/2019 16:34

Is that a serious question! DH sounds like a right selfish twat.

I would tell my DP that he was 'looking after' his own children that morning whilst I looked after myself and our other child.

Jesus, some men can be such rotters.

He also sounds like a lazy sod not wanting to do any 'actual work'!

meccacos2 · 18/09/2019 16:34

Your appointment is at 8.30am. Check whether or no they are running on time, if they are, drop your child at school after the appointment. If they are running behind drop your child off before your appointment (which will likely be later).

Then leave your husband.

TinyMystery · 18/09/2019 16:38

Does he realise that they are doing an early scam to check if the pregnancy is ectopic and that an undiagnosed ectopic pregnancy could leave you infertile/in a coma/dead? (Absolute worst case scenario obviously, but still more important than a sodding walk!)

PinchOfSugar · 18/09/2019 16:39

Your husband would like you to miss a hospital appointment to ensure the health of you and his unborn child as it interferes with his plan to go for a walk.

Well ladies and gentlemen, I think we've done it! The worst excuse ever! Congratulations OP's husband...you should be very proud.

SandyY2K · 18/09/2019 16:42

Normally with posts like this, every update reveals the DP/DH to be more and more of a useless arse and we are all left wondering why on earth the OP chose to have another child with him

^Totally agree

ashtrayheart · 18/09/2019 16:44

So what does he suggest then?!

TeaStory · 18/09/2019 16:50

I’d leave at 7:45am and let him get on with it. You need to attend an important medical appointment, end of.

SunshineCake · 18/09/2019 16:53

How did he keep a straight face when telling you no ?

Original poster
lauryloo · 18/09/2019 17:07

i am going to have a chat with him when he gets home, but i cannot believe he would suggest i change the appointment. I think he really doesn't believe there is anything to be concerned about. He's not normally such an arsehole, which is why i needed to check its not just me being hormonal!

@SandyY2K it was a completely unplanned pregnancy - after 4 years of counting cycles i appear to have got it wrong.

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 18/09/2019 17:10

You have a pregnancy related medical appointment. If he can’t care for his children because of work, he should arrange child care.

maddening · 18/09/2019 17:12

Yanbu at all, hope he sees sense!

Slappadabass · 18/09/2019 17:13

I'd be going out early in the morning and leaving him with the kids, don't give him a option, he's a cheeky selfish shit!

themouldneverbotheredmeanyway · 18/09/2019 17:15

When he gets home I'd tell him it's an urgent appointment to check nothing is wrong, rather than a routine appt that can be fitted in for a convenient time. If he's normally a good person he may have misunderstood. I would definitely have the scan before the weekend so you aren't left worrying.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 18/09/2019 17:15

@meccacos2 That is a terrible idea for all sorts of reasons. Is she supposed to take the child with her to her scan? What if it's bad news? Doesn't matter if they're running behind, you still have to arrive on time for your appointment time (that's the case at my GP surgery, and both the local hospitals. Arrive 10 minutes late and miss your slot).

Dyrne · 18/09/2019 17:32

Have you maybe given him the impression that this is a routine scan that’s nothing to worry about? Don’t get me wrong, he’s a dick, but does me maybe not understand that pregnancies can and do go wrong? I’m thinking if your first was a problem-free pregnancy, he may not understand the risks of early pregnancy?

This isn’t one of those “oh no I have the sniffles, DH needs to stay home and look after me” things; this is an emergency medical appointment that you need to attend!

Span1elsRock · 18/09/2019 17:38

He doesn't care about you or his unborn child OP. And he's telling you loud and clear.

Only you can decide if that's something you can live with.

Chloemol · 18/09/2019 17:51

Simple, he takes the time off and you go to the appointment, or you have to rest until the next available appointment and he has to do everything at home, what’s his choice

Cohle · 18/09/2019 17:52

As others have suggested I think you need to point out exactly why you are having the scan and the consequences if there is something wrong.

If he's generally decent, hopefully this was a momentary selfish impulse and once it's pointed out to him he'll be suitably apologetic.

timeisnotaline · 18/09/2019 20:32

Have you talked about it? I’m trying to think of any explanation thats not ‘I’m an asshole’ and can’t.