To start telling the truth about pregnancy loss

[UncomfortableTruth]

I've had a really rough time over the past few years. Myself and DH have been through 9 miscarriages at various stages.

I've got to a point where I'm just sick of pretending to be fine. Of lying when people ask if we want kids, when are we planning them etc... Of having to make excuses to avoid baby showers and gender reveals. Of my boss literally asking me outright if I'm pregnant when I just want to ask her a question about work.

AIBU to just start telling people the truth no matter how uncomfortable it makes them?

I'm sick of pretending like I have some awful dirty secret and that I can't discuss/mention it because it's awkward for everyone else.

I think that if this will help stem the repeated phrases that so many find innocent but can actually hurt you then do so.

I lost my third child this year to stillbirth and so many people have uttered phrases fairly inappropriate, but unless they've been there they simply don't know. So I use it as a chance to educate them as calmly as possible. The worst I've had from so many acquaintances is "you can always try again" like that somehow magically makes it as though my little boy never happened and that is not fair to him or me.

As with your situation, my best advice is to come up with a simple statement - try to make it as neutral as possible and that should do it. Mine is something this:

"I am not expecting you to respond to this as there's nothing you can really say, but I will not be trying again as a way to heal what has been lost, because it never will. Christopher will always be a part of my family and if you would like to speak about him then great, but I will not be brushing him 'under the carpet' just to make others more comfortable." Obviously my situation is different and I am so sorry you have been through such a hard time OP