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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not attend my dad's wedding

33 replies

MrsKahlo · 17/09/2019 22:41

I'm going to attempt to keep this brief but, the short story is, I'm fully against attend my father's upcoming wedding (relatively newly engaged).

Why?

My dad is marrying my husband's ex-wife. Whom he has a child with.

My dad is going to be simultaneously a step dad and step grandad to a child who refers to me as stepmum.

Its... too creepy for fcking words?

When they started seeing each other I made it clear to my dad I found it totally inappropriate and it makes me wince that my husband AND dad have shared a partner, but my dad called me immature and told.me to effectively get over myself. His wife has at least been a bit embarrassed about the whole thing but my dad completely maintains that this is just 'one of those things'.

AIBU or.is he a complete fucking nutjob?

(Just because I can imagine the questions about age, my dad had me young. He is late fifties, I'm mid thirties and my husband and his ex are late forties)

OP posts:
janebee4 · 17/09/2019 22:43

That is beyond creepy. Totally within your right not to go. What does your husband make of it?!

SylvanianFrenemies · 17/09/2019 22:44

Well I can certainly understand how you feel. Did they meet through you? It's maybe not as bad if they met some other way, and it's just an unfortunate coincidence.

Tillygetsit · 17/09/2019 22:46

Eek that's really awkward. I wouldnt go either. Too weird.

Rachie1973 · 17/09/2019 22:47

I’m not sure I think it’s creepy. They met and liked each other. I can’t see a problem.

Cantthinkofapassword · 17/09/2019 22:48

Is he expecting your dh - his son in law to go? Am lost for words.

EL8888 · 17/09/2019 22:50

Wow just wow. That’s very odd and l can see why you wouldn’t want to go. What does the rest of the family make of it?

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 17/09/2019 22:53

Well your dh moved in and got withyou, allthe ex wife has done is the same 🤷🏻‍♀️

Love is love....

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/09/2019 22:57

Well it's a bit awkward. How did they meet? How old is you step child and how do they feel about it?

Itsreallymehonest · 17/09/2019 22:58

I think it's just one of those flukes. They are obviously in love if they are getting married, and you can't expect them to cancel just because you are (albeit understandably) uncomfortable with it.

DaphneFanshaw · 17/09/2019 23:02

Well, at first I think I would feel the same way as you.
I get the ewww feeling you must have.
I doubt either of them have done this to hurt you though. Do you think you might come to terms with it in time ?
What is your relationship with her like ? What does your DH think ?

doxxed · 17/09/2019 23:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 17/09/2019 23:05

They are obviously in love if they are getting married

Not necessarily they could just get off on the fact it’s quite sordid.

Redshoeblueshoe · 17/09/2019 23:07

Envy Sad

MumW · 17/09/2019 23:16

Quite weird.
How old is the child? I guess a bit older, but I can't help imagining all sorts of odd reactions at school.
I'm not sure I could go.

scrivette · 17/09/2019 23:28

Well it's unusual, (your step mother will be your husbands ex wife) but I would be asking myself, does she make you Dad happy, if she wasn't your step sons mother would you approve of her, by not going to the wedding will you be causing a rift in the family that you may regret in future.

To be honest if they are happy and love each other then, in a funny way, I think it's quite sweet! We can't help who we fall in love with.

81Byerley · 17/09/2019 23:29

Very weird. Is your husband invited as well?

timshelthechoice · 17/09/2019 23:35

Nah, wouldn't go.

SimpleAndPlanned · 17/09/2019 23:38

BlushShock no way would I be going to that.

Wtaf

Just keep thinking about Christmas, birthdays, etc.

Or they go on to have a child. Who will be a sibling for you AND for your step-child Envy

Monkeyplanet · 17/09/2019 23:44

Gross

saraclara · 17/09/2019 23:44

Their relationship isn't creepy. It's just disconcerting and awkward.

I'd be totally thrown by this. But I don't think I'd have a leg to stand on if I complained or refused to go. There's nothing morally wrong with their marriage. But the way you feel is reasonable too.

saraclara · 17/09/2019 23:45

You realise all the real life interest cheapo magazines will now be after your story!

Original poster
MrsKahlo · 18/09/2019 00:09

Thanks for the feedback, it's really balanced.

On one hand, yes she does make my dad happy. However, they have both had histories of quite dramatic relationship breakdowns and they haven't been together that long (2 years).

Stepchild is 12, my DH and I have been together for 10 years and married for 6. He was with ex wife since late teens but they split up shortly after birth if DSC. Ex can be difficult but we generally have a good relationship with her after a rocky start and we have DSC 50% of the time, all v amicable for the most part.

Aside from the ick factor, I feel very angry with my dad more so than ex; he has form for going after people in this fashion! Hes had affairs with exes of friends, and his relationship with my mum ended following him cheating. Hes a bit of an egoist to say the least and dh ex is pretty stunningly beautiful and I cant help but feel it's a bit of a 'coup' on his part and that when it all sours it will put me and dh in a fucking shitty situation having to deal with the fallout - I know I'm being bad minded but i know my dad.

I know its pathetic but i do care what people think as well - i feel like we will seem like a truckload of inbreds to schools and to DSCs friends and even future partners because its bloody embarrassing that your mums husband is the dad of your dads wife! I dread having to explain it to school and DSC has already shied away from explaining who my dad is. We've explained that we are all grown ups and mum is allowed to date whomever she pleases, but DSC is pretty fucking astute and looked me in the eye and outright said 'but dont you just think its GROSS?' and I couldn't lie!

OP posts:
AlunWynsKnee · 18/09/2019 00:22

It does sound like an EastEnders plot :(
Not much you can do though. Going to the wedding is probably the conflict management option. Assuming it gets that far.

Whoopstheregomyinsides · 18/09/2019 07:01

Its just a bit bleurgh. I wouldn’t like it especially if you think your dad sees it as some sort of victory

Grambler · 18/09/2019 07:06

Oh I don't think so. Besides I'm not sure even Moonpig do a "Congratulations to my father and my husband's ex-wife on their wedding day" card.

Any chance of it blowing over? How long does your father usually commit to a relationship before he has an affair? Is he enjoying pissing you both off?