To not attend my dad's wedding

[MrsKahlo]

I'm going to attempt to keep this brief but, the short story is, I'm fully against attend my father's upcoming wedding (relatively newly engaged).

Why?

My dad is marrying my husband's ex-wife. Whom he has a child with.

My dad is going to be simultaneously a step dad and step grandad to a child who refers to me as stepmum.

Its... too creepy for fcking words?

When they started seeing each other I made it clear to my dad I found it totally inappropriate and it makes me wince that my husband AND dad have shared a partner, but my dad called me immature and told.me to effectively get over myself. His wife has at least been a bit embarrassed about the whole thing but my dad completely maintains that this is just 'one of those things'.

AIBU or.is he a complete fucking nutjob?

(Just because I can imagine the questions about age, my dad had me young. He is late fifties, I'm mid thirties and my husband and his ex are late forties)

So weird!!!!!!!!!

No advice. I literally have NO idea what I would do in this situation!

I think this is about more than a wedding. To be absolutely blunt, your dad sounds awful and I'd distance myself and my family from now on, starting with the wedding, as neutrally as possible so as not to fan the drama flames he so clearly loves - 'We'll probably not be able to make it as we have xxxx on that day'. You already know that it's highly likely that no good will come of this - they'll split and the existing relationships affecting your stepson will be impacted. Your dad? I suggest you just tell him clamly that you've had enough really - he's lived his entire life setting emotional bombs under people and frankly you're done with pretending he's a decent father and person. Hey, let's just send the odd Xmas card and keep our distance from now on eh?

He's a prick.

If your dad's attitude is what you think it is, then does not attending not give him the drama that he wants?
Can't you try the reverse psychology where you pretend you're happy for him and it's all fine?
He might then decide it's not what he wants.

Just a stupid question but is it legal as I'm sure on the marriage license has a bit about relationship with the person and previous marriages.
If not it should be

If your stepchild is going to be there then I think you should go for him.

What will you write in the Christmas cards?
Beyond bizarre.
Yanbu to be miffed off.
Poor dc also.

I think it’s a good example of a parent (ie DSS mum) not putting their child first which is sad. Poor DSS, he’s just coming into adolescence, and it’s confusing, probably embarrassing for him. What does your DH think? Is he supporting his son? I have no answer for you OP but I can see how this is hurting you and everyone around you. How soon is the wedding, is it likely that when the ‘couple’ realise the feelings of those around them they might change their minds?

Does you dad even acknowledge the situation he had put you, his child, in and have either of them prioritised the needs of the younger child?