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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask how to meet men?

27 replies

Blythesummer32 · 17/09/2019 21:12

Im 32, no kids, been single for a while. I’m frankly a bit bored of life and realise that I need to expand my social circle a bit more and just get a bit more va va boom into it. Thing is pretty much all my friendship group and I have several are women! I went to an all girls school, even my time at uni seemed to be dominated by great female friendships and I really didn’t have much interaction with men until my 20s and even then it’s been limited. I make friends very easily with women and I’m definitely more comfortable around them but I also think just generally I don’t seem to even come into contact with men. I freelance a lot so tend to work alone but even working I don’t come across many men.

My hobbies are all quite solitary or also again tend to be female dominated. Where am I going wrong? At this rate I might just sign up for a mechanics course!

So please vipers help me!

OP posts:

Original poster

Blythesummer32 · 18/09/2019 07:04

Bump

OP posts:

TemporaryPermanent · 18/09/2019 07:07

I've never tried Meet-up but it comes highly recommended on here.

Otherwise a sports club? Take up running. Lots and lots of fit men. Or a team sport, something like Korfball which is played in mixed teams. Or climbing.

sunsalutations · 18/09/2019 07:10

You need to put yourself in situations where you meet lots of men, whatever that may be in your life. Sporting events and socials, tag along with friends and their brothers, a change of hobby to bring you into contact with men. I'm an amateur musician and there's always been more men than women in the groups I've played in (and couples from that too).

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 18/09/2019 07:40

Have you tried online dating? I met my DP of 8 years who I am engaged to on match.

userabcname · 18/09/2019 07:46

OLD. I met DH on Plenty of Fish 7years ago and most of my single friends are online dating. My mum actually just got married to a guy she met online a couple of years ago too!

sunsalutations · 18/09/2019 07:53

There's always salsa dancing lessons ... ?

ShatnersWig · 18/09/2019 07:58

May be worth doing a search on this topic. There's usually a thread like this every two or three weeks and the suggestions are usually identical. Not sure if that means they work though.

SerenDippitty · 18/09/2019 09:31

I met my DH in a choir. You could also try joining meetup.com to find local groups in your area. It’s free to join.

TomHagenMakesMyBosomTremble · 18/09/2019 09:38

I joined a social dance class and built part of my social life round it. Also looking at joining a choir. Hobbies with men involved are good!

I found mixed bag with OLD. You have to approach it like job hunting/employee hiring.

Original poster

Blythesummer32 · 18/09/2019 09:56

Oh god sorry I should have said I absolutely do not want to go down OLD. I’m cutting my losses with that and realise it’s justnreally not for me.

I would love to join a Choir but cannot sing although I’ve just signed up for singing lessons. I will check out Meetup. It does seem overwhelming with choices though!

OP posts:

TemporaryPermanent · 18/09/2019 11:49

In my view when a woman says she wants to meet men and then says she's going to choirs and book clubs (a friend says this) she may expand her social circle generally but not so many men...

x2boys · 18/09/2019 12:21

Ask friends to a introduce you to any eligible men they might know ,I met dh as he was the brother of a work collegue/ friend I was 31so around the same age ,or the old fashioned way to to pubs ,clubs etc ,unknown a or of people that have met partners that way.

x2boys · 18/09/2019 12:23

I know a lot of people*

SplintersOnTheFence · 18/09/2019 12:40

Choir and book club 😐

easyandy101 · 18/09/2019 12:41

Rock climbing

30to50FeralHogs · 18/09/2019 12:52

I go to a pop and rock choir. There are about 30-40 women and 1 (old) man at ours!! Another man joined but I think he was scared off by the imbalance

I met DP online but also met some other guys I'm now friends with on POF so maybe if you approach it as a way to expand your network, not so much to meet The One you could get more out of OLD?

The most eligible men in one single place for me, was an entrepreneurs course run by one of the big banks. It was a free 6 month course for people starting their own business or wanting to scale up their existing business, so as you’re freelance maybe look into something like that.

We had workshops one day a week and networking meet ups etc outside of that, but you could spend as much or as little time there as you wanted to. It was a great supportive community and while the business advice I got was great, the new people I met were the real bonus.

managedmis · 18/09/2019 12:54

God don't do salsa lessons please

missmouse101 · 18/09/2019 12:57

Which area of the country are you in roughly?

PumpkinP · 18/09/2019 13:00

Dont you just meet men when out? Not now as I have too many kids I think it scares them off but before that I was just approached when out and about.

Lockheart · 18/09/2019 13:09

If you refuse to do online dating you're really cutting off a huge swathe of the potential dating pool. Probably the majority of it to be honest. Times have changed and people are more likely to socialise at home with friends now rather than hang out at the pub, so unless you're going to a million clubs a week you simply won't get that same exposure.

Perhaps speed dating events would work?

5foot5 · 18/09/2019 13:14

At this rate I might just sign up for a mechanics course!

Years ago a single friend of mine signed up for an evening class in car maintenance because she thought it would be a good way to meet men. In fact the mast majority of the people in the class were other women hoping to meet men!

Original poster

Blythesummer32 · 18/09/2019 13:37

Arghhhh. I think I am doomed. To be honest a lot of the stuff I like is not typically male friendly.

Im in London - so it should be easy! But most of my friends don’t go out much, the days of clubbing seem behind me and generally life is a bit blah.

Being freelance is quite lonely too. I think I might be doomed to a life of predictability.

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/09/2019 13:38

go out out- bars mainly...

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 18/09/2019 14:50

I felt like you and was a similar position and the same age (female dominated work, hobby and social groups). I know you've said you don't want to but I signed up for OLD - and went into it with realistic expectations/wants - third date I met future DH and we are now expecting second DC and have been together happily for years. I know there are horror stories out there, but if you're looking for a particular thing, a romantic relationship, it seems a shame to rule out the one activity designed with that specifically in mind.

TemporaryPermanent · 18/09/2019 15:10

Well at least have the mindset that you will say 'yes' to any invitation at all, no matter how unappealing.

Join a pub quiz team?

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