Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if this bloke sounds like a prospect...

73 replies

Hilaryforpm · 17/09/2019 20:27

I've name changed because I think someone might recognise him or me from this...

Friends and colleagues with a bloke 5 years younger than me. Discovered a while back he liked me, I was flattered and liked him too...and we'd been flirting a while but it never came to anything as either he or I were not single. Ashamed to say I liked him through my marriage and when it ended we had talked a bit about how much we liked each other, which is partly what prompted the end of the marriage but it was more the realisation that it had come to an end, not because of it.

Now we both are single (a good while, because he wasn't for ages)

I have 2 children.

We've kissed and it was amazing but I don't know if that was just because we've been dancing around each other for so long, it's built up.

Anyway....pros are: he's great with the kids, met them a few times, likes children. Would like his own. But that couldn't happen with me, I'm in my 40s.
He's hot.
We have amazing chemistry. Like it's almost unbearable being in the same room. We can't keep our hands off each other. I've never felt anything like it..
He's creative and has lots of interests of his own
He's really really into me. He's made that very clear and said he wants s long term relationship if it was something I wanted.
He's kind, thoughtful, and he's been a gentleman about not pushing me into a decision.
Did I mention hot?
Cons
He's a serial flirt. Flirted with me for years, even when with someone.
He's in a band so travels a lot and sporadic money
Lives like a teenager, drinks a lot, smokes weed. Not necessarily things I dislike, or haven't liked in the past, but I've outgrown it a bit. House is s mess, he's got s housemate, although it's his house...just would feel like a massive step back..
We work together
He's got issues...stuff that happened when he was a teenager.
My ex would think something had happened during our marriage, because he knew he fancied me, we talked about it. Actually think my colleagues would too.
He wants kids and that isn't going to happen.
He's still on dating apps, although half-heartedly I think, he's told me his dating woes, how he wants to settle down.
He's had relationships with both men and women, I'm not sure he's scratched the itch with men, don't know if he's be curious later on. It doesn't bother me but I just don't know..
He's quite arrogant, thinks he's a bit of a rock star. He's not. But actually doesn't mind me telling him that and taking him down a peg..
This is ridiculous I know but one half is saying go for it, he really is hot and we already just get on so well, the sex would be amazing, as far as I can tell..could just be fun but not sure it's worth the risk..also I think I have quite deep feelings for him and he seems to have for me, so it could get quite serious quite quickly, not sure if that's a good idea either. just don't know if it's worth the risk. We work together quite closely so would be a disaster if it went tits up.

OP posts:
Hilaryforpm · 17/09/2019 20:55

FANNY daggers, clearly

OP posts:
fairybeagle · 17/09/2019 20:55

You're definitely going to have sex with him just admit it to yourself and enjoy it

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 17/09/2019 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AudacityOfHope · 17/09/2019 20:56

Definitely snag him. One night, three times, then kick him out.

Happierwithouthim · 17/09/2019 20:57

Was very keen on a guy years ago serious chemistry, turns out he was useless in bed Grin

AudacityOfHope · 17/09/2019 20:57

Oh mate, I work with a guy called Danny who is quite hot. Now I'm going to forever think of him as Danny Daggers! GrinGrin

Oysterbabe · 17/09/2019 20:58

He sounds like a child, fuck that. But by all means do fuck that, then move on.

SuntanC · 17/09/2019 21:02

Omg you have GOT to shag him OP! He's an itch that needs clawed :) you don't have to have anything serious with him. Have some fun! X

leomama81 · 17/09/2019 21:02

Ha sounds like just my type too OP! A sex pirate as Katherine Ryan calls them ;)

Tbh if it was me I'd definitely shag him and maybe see how it goes on the rest. As a PP said some of his lifestyle could be loneliness.

I'm probably not the best person to take advice from though! ☺️

SnorkMaiden81 · 17/09/2019 21:05

I'm not sure OP CAN just shag him and move on though. She sounds......invested.

Brutal truth is that you already know what a clusterfuck he is though.

God damn the Danny Daggers.

MissSmiley · 17/09/2019 21:13

@Hilaryforpm have you had sex with anyone else since your marriage ended?
I'd find someone else to shag first and see if you still feel the same about him then

Purpleartichoke · 17/09/2019 21:30

Perfect fling material. Just be very honest that you don’t think this is going to be a long term relationship.

Hilaryforpm · 17/09/2019 21:38

All good valid points. Also, DannyDaggers and sex pirates...I'm having those phrases!
He is quite piratey
No, no one else, for nearly 20 years.
Oh, and sorry to drip feed but I discovered he's liked me for nearly 8 years and I've liked him for about 5...
Not all the time and nothing ever happened but kind of just he's a friend, I think he's hot, but oh well move on.
Since he's known I'm now single it's stepped up a bit, since he's been single well...it's exploded.
There's been kissing, plus quite a lot of texting..he's said several times he just wants to settle down, have a family, even if it's not his own family. He's the one that's said I'd not be interested as he lives like a teen. Doesn't want to though.
I've not told him his band is a bit shit though.
He does have other income, teaching etc.
Yeah, if I shagged him it wouldn't be the end, unless he was totally shit. Then..awkward..
Kissing wasn't, plus texting after the kissing tries to find fanning oneself with s picture of s sex pirate with the Danny daggers emoticon

OP posts:
SmellbowSpaceBowl · 17/09/2019 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jingers5 · 17/09/2019 21:45

If it were me then l would go for it but with caution. You are both into each other and regardless op, l think you need to get him out of your system. Maybe if he met the right person, having a house mate, flirting, drinking etc would change. What does your gut tell you about this guy?

blueshoes · 17/09/2019 21:48

You are cockstruck. Give yourself a slap.

He is in a band. Say no more.

Hilaryforpm · 17/09/2019 21:58

I'd rather he gave me a slap...yes, cockstruck describes it perfectly..

Buuut.

He's just so earnest about liking me...he's hot all the word, I know it's just patter he's perfected over the years.
Maybe. But the other day he said he couldn't stop picturing me naked, I reminded him I'm over 40, 2 children and lots of cake later, it's not going to be what he's used to.
He said it was what's in my head that makes me attractive to him, not my body..
Alright, it's probably a line, but it didn't feel like it. Like I said, he's not pushed me at all.

In fact a few months ago he asked if I thought I might get back together and make things work with ex (not yet fully divorced, just need time to sort it) and tried to offer advice about how to get things back on track if I thought they could be...

Bloody sex pirates with feelings.

OP posts:
Bringmewineandcake · 17/09/2019 22:04

You like him Grin

You're going to have to shag him...nothing else for it now.

ThatCurlyGirl · 17/09/2019 22:24

I'm not sure OP CAN just shag him and move on though. She sounds......invested.

Totally agree with this I'm afraid sorry OP I think it's one of those things where because it wasn't possible before you've built it up in your head and romanticised it.

And you're colleagues too which would be an extra issue - if you catch the feels after shagging and he doesn't want more. Or if you have an intense but short lived relationship and it ends, you would see him all the time which you may find difficult.

I think figure out the worst case scenarios and decide if the risk / reward ratio is enough to warrant you taking the risk.

Sorry to sound like a negative Nancy!

31RueCambon75001 · 17/09/2019 23:34

Advising you on how to get back with your ex is a little bit like absolving himself of any responsibility for your feelings if you see what I mean. He feels the chemistry and the connection and he wants to enjoy that, but without any responsibility or obligation to your feelings. Later he could say ''hey, look, I like you but whoah, I thought you were still wondering if you'd get back with your x. we discussed that'''.

SweatyUnderboob · 17/09/2019 23:45

What on god’s green earth is a sex pirate?

Just shag him OP, kill the mystery. The anticipation is always the best part in long drawn out situs like this.

incognitomum · 17/09/2019 23:50

Sex pirate Grin

If you can have fun without getting emotionally attached do it.

NameChange84 · 17/09/2019 23:54

I would bet money that the fantasy is better than the reality with this sex pirate. A decent amount of money.

FishCakesFishCakesLovelyLovely · 18/09/2019 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user764329056 · 18/09/2019 00:08

I think you’re going to get hurt, sorry OP

Swipe left for the next trending thread