Boyfriend seeing ex ...aibu to be mad?

[geetr]

Ok so can someone tell me I'm being stupid here.
So I said to my boyfriend shall we go out for lunch on Saturday..
He said he can't so I ask why
He said "I'm driving a van for "Louise" my friend has just sold her a cooker and she needed someone to drive the van for her"
Ok ...why you?
It's nothing to do with you.
He said they are friends.
Now bare In mind they still text each other (ive seen but no idea what they chat about or how frequent)
I asked him how she knew his friend was selling this cooker..he said "oh I text her and told her"
I'm fuming

I think if you be got to ask a forum for relationship advice less than 2 months into your non-labelled "relationship" then it's a bad sign and you should self reflect based on that alone.

I don't think YABU. I wouldn't feel happy about it either OP.

If he doesn't want to call you his GF it means he is leaving things flexible for himself. He is prioritising driving for this girl over you and your feelings, I'd be seriously reconsidering things with him. He does sound like a player, especially if he is still in contact with this ex who isn't a long term friend. So yes, that's a bit weird.

I think I would approach it like this. Tell him you feel a bit uncomfortable him spending time and texting an ex girlfriend. If he gets all shitty and accuses you of being clingy or not trusting him, I'd tell him you appear to have different priorities, as a previous PP suggested.

If he seems upset that he has made you uncomfortable and does something to reassure you, perhaps even cancel the van driving then he may well be just a nice guy doing a favour. But I'm doubting it by what you've said.

YABU. You barely know the guy and it's perfectly possible to remain friends with an ex.

I'm a bit surprised that him telling you that he ended it with the Ex because she wanted something serious and he did not hasn't rung any alarm bells OP. Unless you're happy with not having a serious relationship with him at any point in the future at which point I can't understand why you'd be reacting in the way you have?

I'm not trying to be malicious here, but it sounds like he's one of those "no strings attached" types and therefore you will probably have to battle your inner green eyed monster a lot whilst you're with him.

Not wanting labels in an early relationship is a bit of a flimsy get out in my opinion, that's not to say that you have to refer to one another as boyfriend/girlfriend immediately, but if I were in your position I would think clearly about what I do want out of a relationship, what my boundaries are (i.e we may not be calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend but I do want monogamy whilst we are forging this relationship) and once you have a clear idea of what your boundaries are you need to communicate this to him.

If he's not on board then you know he's not right for you and would be able to decide from there what you want to do. It will save you a lot of time being potentially strung along and in the end save you from the hurt of wasting time with a person who doesn't want what you do from a relationship.

Over reacting, I have two exes who I'm still good friends with who I would do this for if I had a van and I'd even ask them if I needed one, one even asked me the other week would I help him paint his new house, unless he's given you reason in your relationship to think otherwise Yabu

Who suggested not putting a label on what you both have, OP?
Is that really what you want?

My ex is currently sat next to me, after getting me some bread on his way home from work (i text and asked him), difference is we were together 15 years, split up 5 years and share a child!

Personally I’d say he’s either a very very very kind and thoughtful guy, or he’s still got the mega hots for her! I know which one I think it is🤷🏻‍♀️ And if you start throwing a strop he’s going to say goodbye... to you.
If she was a real ex girlfriend as in they’d been together years, isn’t think differently. If they were only together several weeks, that’s not even a relationship, that’s just getting to know each other. (Much like you two are).

Isn't this ok? Really depends on you tbh

Would it be ok for me? No fucking way. I deserve to be adored 🙂

I'm pretty sure my husband adores me , but one of the things I like about him is his generosity in helping people out, including his ex. They were together a long time though, and she's the mother of their adult child.

When I read the OP, I assumed it would be a similar situation, so I was ready to say YABU, but from what you've said subsequently, it sounds like he doesn't take your relationship very seriously and feels like he's free to be matey with his ex because...well, because he wants to do what he likes, and your feelings don't really come into it.

If that doesn't seem to be the kind of relationship you want, you should probably back off and leave him to it, because he's unlikely to change.

"I think I might come across too full on" you don't say!

Wtaf! You're a NEW gf (not even that really - he is someone you're dating) and he has an ex he's able to deal with in a friendly grown up manner, he's open and honest with you about his dealings with her and she doesn't hate him so even though they've split she still thinks he's a decent guy.

He sounds a catch.

You sound like you need to grow up, work on your self esteem and controlling urges and not be in a relationship until you can.

How old are you? You sound VERY young.

6 weeks is no time at all and the "not putting labels on things"'sounds like he has been clear in NOT making a commitment to you - you cannot make assumptions (either that he is or isn't seeing you exclusively) you certainly have no right to be jealous!

You clearly need someone who is more committed and not leaning toward more "open" arrangements - which there is absolutely nothing wrong with, it's how I tend to be now, as long as everyone involved knows the score and is agreeing willingly that is fine. But it's not how you operate in your romantic life.

He is not the one for you, he still sounds a catch to me but not for you.

Girl get a grip, I have yogurt in my fridge older then your "relationship".

I feel for you, OP. What is happening to you is definitely something that would make someone feel uncomfortable. But this is not a bad thing. This discomfort is actually an opportunity. You can use it to analyze your relationship. Here are some questions to ask yourself: 1. What do you want from a man? 2. Is this man interested in giving you what you want? 3. If he isn't, how does that make you feel? Is he a good investment of your time and energy? Or would you be better off spending your time looking for someone who can do a better job of giving you what you want?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with helping someone out by driving a van. It sounds like a normal, kind gesture. But if it’s part of a bigger picture of him not being very trustworthy, that’s different.