To think that just because DP is on nights this week it doesn’t absolve him from all responsibility st home

[Everythingnotsavedwillbelost]

My DP is doing nights this week. He works from 6 until about 3 in the morning and then comes home. He sleeps until about 11am.

I work full time too but also have to take kids to school & collect them, do all packed lunches, ferry them to after school activities, cook tea, get them bathed & to bed.

I asked him to tidy the house when he is here during the day but he flipped out & said he shouldn’t have to do anything as he’s on nights.

Aibu to think that shouldn’t absolve him from all activities - he could do an hour to help at home. I am literally doing everything & feel under so much pressure. I woke up in tears because I am so tired & overwhelmed

Write down what free time you have on ‘days’.

Get him to write what free time he has on ‘nights’.

Divide up some tasks.

Perhaps he needs to see it in black and white.

Another vote for "lazy fucker."

He has heaps of time to batch cook a week's dinners, or handle the grocery shopping, or knock over the laundry, or deep clean the bathroom. Doing one of those things each day before work would make a serious dent in the household load and still give him plenty of downtime.

In a previous job, I used to work two weeks 9 -6 and than two weeks 6pm-3am.
When I did my 6pm to 3am my DH did all the household chores.
You have no idea how it can throw your body clock off to work like that and it leaves you feeling absolutely exhausted.

He is NOT working nights, he's working half nights. He could absolutley be doing more in the house. When my DP used to work nights, he would always at the very least walk the dog, take DD to school and do the breakfast dishes! And he would work 7.45pm to 7am. With an hours commute either side. Your DH is a lazy pig.

I have worked nights, and I get that it's disorientating and that you don't feel refreshed after an 8 hr sleep, but life carries on, and you get on with it !

You do NOT tell your partner that they alone are responsible for ;

1. Also working full time
2. Taking and collecting kids from school
3. All meals for all members of family
4. All washing for members of family
5. All shopping for members of family
6. Taking kids to all social activities
7. Helping with all homework
8. All washing up and cleaning of whole house
9. Tip toeing kids round in morning to not disturb ONE member of family

10. Any illness/ night waking of children

You BOTH have a responsibility to EQUALLY SHARE the family responsibilities and duties.

Why on earth does he think his rest is more important than yours ?
Does he not think he should share the chores so you BOTH get a little downtime ?

Show him these posts, and ask him those questions ( and definitely ask what the hell would he do if he lived alone ? Hire a cook and cleaner ?)

Also, the shift he is working is called a twilight shift in the NHS. The easiest shift you can do, everyone wants a twilight!!

I was all read to YABU you, as nights are really discombobulating and it's hard to feel properly rested. However if he's up and well rested by lunchtime at the latest then it's reasonable to expect he does an hour of low-level chores - laundry, dishwasher, PM school/childcare run.

If he's getting, as it appears, 7 or 8 hours sleep then, no he isn't totally absolved from anything.

I wouldn't mind betting that you're struggling to get that amount of sleep.

Another vote for he’s a lazy fucker. Unless he has any other health issues going on he’s getting more sleep than I manage most nights but I can’t then ignore responsibilities the next day! I have twin toddlers and some nights I’m lucky if I get 4 hours sleep unbroken and I’m still up at 5.30/6am the next morning! How often does he do these shifts? I’m asking because my DH had an issue when his rota would change weekly at work so he’d start on 8-4, then 9-5, then 10-6 and last was 11-7 and even though it was only an hours difference each week he was knackered by the last of the rotation because his body clock didn’t really have any chance to adapt properly. He didn’t try to use that as any excuse to duck out of helping at home mind you, but it was obvious that on his 11-7 shifts he was tired and fed up. So if your DH only has to work these shifts once in a blue moon it could be quite jarring for him... still no excuse IMO though

If you work full time are the children in breakfast/after school or nursery care then if you do drop off and pick up? Just trying to work out how the timings fit.

DH used to work shifts - sometimes 10pm-6am, sometimes 11pm-7am always with at least an hour commute each way. He went to bed when he got in but as we have three children if he wasn;t already up when they got in from school he very quickly was! Once up he would help with the kids, do odd jobs etc whilst I made dinner. Yes it was exhausting and by the end of his run of shifts he was dead on his feet but he did it because he wasn't lazy and was/is a great husband and father!

So from 11am till 6 hes do9ing bugger all-he cant even pick up the kids or do lunch/tea?

I was super prepared to say YABU, as someone who works nights..

I wouldn't class what your husband does as nights.. mine are 12 hour shifts.. and yes, they wipe me out completely.

On the odd occasion i have work a 1400-0300 shift, i still get up and function.. so still 12 hour shifts, with a similar finish

He needs to do more pre shift.. he's being cheeky and lazy!

sockqueen my dh used to do 15 hour night shifts but plus 30 min commute eCh way so 16 hours away from home but he still helped at home as he is an adult who doesn't have a fairy to shop, cook, clean etc, we had young children and I also worked (although part time).
I still don't get why you would do nothing?

OP it's pretty unanimous that's he's a lazy fucker, though I suspect you already knew that. Have you decided what you're going to do about it?

He's a lazy sod. I do the same hours as him and can't just sleep all day, I'm up at 5 or 6 with DD, then entertaining her and doing chores for the whole day as we can't afford childcare. It's not my ideal way of living but it's how things have to be for now. He's using his 'night shifts' as an excuse to check out of doing any of the shitwork.

Hibu. I work nights till 7am it is difficult and tiring, I manage to tidy not excessively but tidy some basics, prepare school lunches and prep dinner, I work 3 overnights I feel permanently tired or wired when I try to sleep at a reasonable hour.

That's not doing nights - that's doing half nights! Still tiring I'm sure but in no way whatsoever excuses him from doing at least an hour around the house during the day. An hour a day would make a big difference to you I'm sure. He's being selfish

That’s not even nights fgs. I used to wor in restaurants and regularly finish at 2/3am and have to be back into work for 11am the next day.

Tell him to stop being a lazy fuck and crack on.

That's a twilight, not a night!