Maternity leave after a preemie

[Yellowpolkadot]

Dd was born at 33+5 weeks via emergency csection after a failed induction, reduced fetal movements, high PI pressure and suspected iugr. She was 3lb 7 when born, spent 24 hours in NICU, 2 weeks on a transitional ward and had prolonged jaundice so was readmitted at 3 weeks for a further 3 days. All rather traumatic for first time parents.

18 months on I’m now pregnant with DC2 and DH and I are at logger heads regarding my start of maternity. DH wants me to go off at 30 weeks, relax and hope the same doesn’t happen again. I on the other hand want to put 37 or 38 weeks down (I’m a teacher so will see what works best with holidays either side!) the consultant has said there is no reason that we should have the same problem this time, and we were just unfortunate last time, as far as he can see I couldn’t have done anything differently.

I don’t want to go off early and waste precious time with new baby. I’ll likely only be able to take off 9 months. If I go off at 30 weeks up to 10 weeks of that could be without baby (consultant has said I won’t be allowed to go over and I’ve agreed to attempt Vbac before 40 weeks but will have an elective booked in for 40 weeks)

Who is being unreasonable? If you were in my position what would you do?

I would say you'll plan to go at xx weeks (38?) , but will stop earlier if you feel you need to? That's what I did with my dc, but my youngest is 15 so things might have changed

I would compromise and go for 35 weeks or somewhere around there. 38 is considered terms technically. Teaching is quite a stressful job and lots of on your feet and up and down and the compromise might help your husbands anxiety. 10 weeks is a little excessive...he will have a bubble wrap suit for you next :-)

I wouldn't. You could go off sick and still get paid if needs be depending on your policy there. As you say, could be time wasted.

I’d be tempted to stop earlier than 37/38 as teaching is so physically exhausting. I planned to make it to 37 and had to stop at 34 with spd. But it didn’t feel like time wasted as I could spend time with my toddler before the new baby arrived which was so lovely, so maybe you could see how it falls with holidays and compromise with 34 ish weeks?

When are you due? You might be able to play with holiday time snd get an extra week or two paid if you start your mat leave first day back after a break.

I guess the problem I have is I don’t have any clue how i would feel working and carrying a baby to term. We started having issues at 28 weeks with DD so I was signed off pretty much from then on as I was in and out of hospital.

Am I correct in thinking you can put a date and leave earlier if you’re not coping?

I know work can’t enforce maternity leave until 36 weeks 🙈 as I had to argue with my employer last time about it! (They kindly started my mat leave at 29 weeks for me when it hadn’t been requested!)

Due the end of Feb, so trying to get to Feb half term, and start my mat leave on the first Monday back 🙈

I’ve yet to tell work I’m pregnant as it’s going to go down like a lead balloon as we are already short staffed. But hey ho!

Hi I had my first at 32 weeks due to pre eclampsia. Was at risk of it happening again. Second time round I put in for mat leave to start at 38 weeks and knew I’d have enough leave to take a week or so before. But work were warned I may end up starting earlier and possibly with no notice.
In the end I was told baby was IUGR at 32 weeks so I stopped at 34 weeks had two weeks leave and then on mat leave and baby arrived at 37 weeks.

You can bring mat leave forward if needed. And I agree with you I wouldn’t want to waste 10 weeks if I didn’t need to.

I had my first DC at 34+2, so not quite as early as you, like you they couldn't find any reason for the prem birth (consultant thought possibly an infection that had cleared up by the time I gave birth as nothing showed on bloods), also had prolonged jaundice. it's a horrible situation to be in and such a shock.
Second DC born in February this year at 38+2, no issues. I went on mat leave at 33 weeks as was determined to finish before the birth this time! I don't regret it even though it means less leave after the birth as I was exhausted and in a lot of SPD pain, I found late pregnancy really hard particularly with an older DC there was much less opportunity to rest. So I suppose I would say neither you or your DH being unreasonable - if your consultant thinks it likely you could well go full term this time (fingers crossed you do!) so you may not want to stop working too early and 'waste' the time, but equally think about how you may feel in the last few weeks, not having experienced it before I was surprised how hard I found it.
Best of luck with it all, hoping it's all less stressful this time round.

You can change your mind. Well, within reason I mean. You can say 38 weeks and have a scare and go earlier. I did with my son although that was 9 years ago.. planned for 38 weeks 35 weeks he tried to come and I was in hospital then bedrest til he finally did come and I was in management.

I’m a teacher, planned to go off at 39 weeks but had her at 38. Last few weeks were tiring but ok and kept me busy. I would stay off as long as possible. It sounds like you are in good medical hands.

Meant stay at work as long as possible.

I went for mat leave 4 weeks before DS was due. In all honesty I could have worked longer, though, as the third trimester was easily my best time during pregnancy (would have loved 12 weeks off for the first trimester though... I'm back to front). It really depends on the pregnancy I think, although my friend was doing literally nothing from week 30 and my other friend was more like me, on her feet until the baby came. We're both quite active though.
With teaching (having done that job) I'd worry about carrying heavy loads of textbooks/marking towards the very end. I worked a mat cover at a school once and I got called to start a few weeks early when the teacher couldn't continue... and she went over her due date. So there should be some flex at work.

I planned on not finishing until 35 weeks but ended up finishing at 29 weeks as my husband was diagnosed with MS, good job really as I was admitted to hospital with pre eclampsia at 36 +4 & had emcs at 37 weeks.

I would plan to stay at work as long as possible and see how things go.

My first was early (not as early as yours though), and I was induced due to restricted growth and pre eclampsia.

I'm also a teacher and opted to finish at 38 weeks second time around, but school know that it was possible that I'd end up going earlier. As it happened, despite another eventful pregnancy I worked to the planned 38 weeks (and felt fine, despite SPD and some other health issues). Baby was then born bang on her due date.

I enjoyed having the two weeks to prepare (missed that the first time around). However I think I'd have become frustrated if it's had longer.

You can always start your maternity leave earlier than you've stated if you needed to, but I don't think you can change your mind to start later. Therefore if I was you I'd opt for as close to your due date as you want to try for and then reassess as the pregnancy progresses depending on how things go.

I'm a teacher and went on maternity leave at 37 weeks. I was glad to not have gone to 38 or 39 which I thought I could do even though my DD arrived at 41+5. I guess it also depends on your subject, I was in a classroom and my chair had wheels

I think previous suggestion of compromise at 35 weeks seems sensible. Your dh is worried about baby and you are worried about time after baby has arrived. Both very valid points.

I have never heard of someone asking to finish earlier being refused so I assume you could stop earlier if you had to.

I know if you go off with a pregnancy related illness after a certain number weeks then maternity can automatically start. Maybe that is what happened to you last time.

I don’t have experience with prem babies, but my most recent baby was due on Christmas Day, and I finished work on 1 December and had her on Christmas Eve. I could have carried on, as the pregnancy wasn’t particularly difficult, but I was so grateful for the time off. My older children were still in childcare, so I got lots of time to prepare for Christmas, prepare for the baby, batch cook, nest, and generally enjoy a bit of time to myself, which I really haven’t had since! I always knew that I would have my return date as the first day of the summer holidays so I’d get paid over the summer, though, so I wasn’t worried about saving as much of my leave as possible for after the birth. Just worth thinking about giving yourself that bit of time to relax, which may also give you a good point if compromise with your husband.

At the end of the day it is your decision. You can always go earlier surely if there is medical need?

I think you can say you will go at 38 weeks but start it earlier if need be, obviously if you have the baby early your maternity leave will start then. You can't predict what's going to happen in the next few months so I would play it by ear.
I had my first at 30+4 and second at 33 weeks. I was on a suspension from work when I had my first, and had already finished with my second though as I was really struggling to stay awake so took annual leave. My mat leave started on the 1st November and he was born on the 13th

Also a teacher, wanted to go as long as I could. Did as I planned - finished at 36 weeks, elcs for mr at 38. Difficult as an eyfs teacher towards the end, but got there (much bending, teeny chairs)

And if it makes a difference, hospital and I argued over dates. I didn't have an LMP date, I had a conception date (period problem). I thought I was 2 weeks later than their dates - dd was 5lb 9 at 38+2, I thought she was 35+3.

Thanks for the advice, lots to think about. I’ve still got a while to decide. First job is actually telling work I’m pregnant, that’s tomorrow’s job! Wish me luck 😂🙈

Good luck!